This morning I found myself in a body without a soul.

I was driving my car to work after having just dropped the kids off at school. I could see the road moving beneath and the buildings passing by; I could hear the engine humming and feel the wheel in my hands; but I had this terrifying sense that something was missing – that I was missing. Looking around (turning my head left and right) I found myself wondering with perfect clarity, “Where’s my spirit? Where is the 5^th dimensional me in this moment, ‘cause I don’t feel it.”

It was sort of like the flip-side of an out-of-body experience…instead of being in the midst of an astral flight, touring around with a light-thread connecting my soul to my body, I was immovably stuck in my human form with seemingly no connection to the infinite. Deep separation. Seriously scary shit – a zombified me barreling down the boulevard at 8am on a Friday morning, not a sip of caffeine in sight. :-)

Body shaking and eyes welling up, I pulled over into the first parking lot I saw, which was a post office (a detail that is significant if one considers all this as symbols in a waking dream). Before I could park in a proper spot, there in front of me was a young moose, that lovely messenger of forgiveness and self-esteem. I turned off my car, rolled down my window and began connecting with the moose, sensing it wanted to offer me something. Breathing in sync with the animal as it stood a few yards away, I started to feel myself become this moose. The weight of its head on my shoulders, the taste the willow in my mouth, the strength of those legs that walked the wild since birth. For a minute or two, I was this moose, sensing no danger in the comforts of the city, harboring no anger for the wolves that killed my kin, craving no answers, desiring to achieve no dreams. In this sacred experience, I just was.

So, where was my soul 10 minutes before? How can the infinite play hide and seek? Well, I suppose it was vacationing in the body of that moose, taking a bit of rest from the ceaseless chatter of my mind, and most importantly, getting a recharge on those qualities I needed most at that moment – self-esteem and self-forgiveness.

Aho. Mi ta kwi asen.

The Rest of the Story

The next day was quiet and a more peaceful feeling came in and surrounded James' family. I continued to send prayers for healing and forgiveness to all of them and went about my day. Once again, after I had gone to sleep at night, I awakened abruptly at 3:33 am. I could feel the heaviness of distraught emotion, and I knew James was in my room again.

This continued for over 10 nights. Every time I, awakened exactly at 3:33, there was James, badgering me to call his family, asking me why this had happened to him, demanding answers. I continued to hold a healing space for him. I called in his ancestors to come to him and help him.

Over the next 10 days, I called on the Archangel Michael and did some Blue Road healings for him and his family, and the rescuers. I connected with the spirits of the cave, who were previously unheard and unacknowledged, and who were trying to communicate to the humans who came there for recreation that they were entering an extremely sacred place in the earth.

The spirits of the cave were unhappy that this had occurred, and afraid of human reaction. Of course, plans were already being made to seal off the cave with James body inside. I did a ceremony, connecting through the earth grid with the spirits of the cave, and asking them how I could assist. I held the intention that the highest level of harmony would be served through this situation, in benefit of all life.

Then I reminded them that there was an agreement in place here that was designed to be of service. Then the spirits of the cave told me that they would be honored if the cave became a shrine, with James acting as the human guardian of this space. They told me that the cave was a sound chamber that amplifies and directs high vibrational frequencies through the earth grids. It is a major energetic center for the local area, and could actually function better without constant human activity going on inside.

James agreed to act as the guardian of the place. He was beginning to accept where he was and ready to move into new roles.

Every night, he still came at 3:33 am. No longer did he bring the heaviness of unprocessed emotion with him, but he still came. I asked him what he was coming back for, and he did not answer. He just kept showing up, and I started to get over it and say hi, then just go back to sleep. I did continue to wonder what was left undone.

One night, nearly a month after James had passed, I awakened as usual at 3:33. This time, James was not alone. I saw that he was with Liz's brother, who had volunteered to work through our medicine wheel to assist in healing for the local area, and the planetary ascension process. The two of them stood next to my bed and stared at me.

Finally I asked them why they were here, and if there was something I could do. They both told me to look at the area surrounding the medicine wheel. There I saw hundreds of souls, waiting. I realized then that something was going on of which I was unaware.

The two men told me that there were many many souls leaving the planet at that time, and all the medicine wheels and vortices would be very busy over the next 14 days. I immediately did a blue road healing ceremony, then offered to do one every day for the next few days. They said they would come to me anytime it was getting backed up and ask for assistance. I thanked them both.

Then James told me he had decided to work through this wheel on an ongoing basis. I welcomed him and thanked him, and he left with Liz's brother, who I could see was really helping him to adjust to his new reality. I was amazed at how different he felt.

Since that time, they have only appeared to me once. It was to show me that I needed to connect with another cave inside Mt. Timpanogos, in northern Utah. They guided me to set up a mer-ka-ba inside the cave, around a heart-shaped rock called "the heart of timpanogos", and to open a grid line to that exact point. I made prayers of gratitude for the spirits of this sacred place on Mother Earth, and did what they asked.

I saw them working once after the earthquake in Haiti. I was amazed at how many souls came to this portal to exit, since I know there are many portals between here and there. But I am learning that it is not geographical distance that makes a difference to the souls passing, it is quality of frequency. Certain frequencies attract certain souls, and it happens holographically. I am ever continuing to be amazed at our reality.

Now James is a powerful presence here. I can see and feel his work as he assists others, especially those who die unexpectedly. I honor him, and give thanks for his presence and healing intentions.

Kachina

I don't know?

I'm feeling very stagnate in my present reality. I notice that in my life even when things are at the most "seemingly challenging" everything is still really quite calm. It's not because at the core of me I'm calm, its just that it really isn't that bad. I feel very fortunate for all the blessings in my life and how much support I have from the universe and my family, but sometimes I wonder if this makes me weaker as a person in some way? I find myself often wondering what it would be like to experience cancer, or my significant other deciding to have an affair or if I really lost it all-no house, no money, no job. How would I survive through those types of ordeals? So many people in the world are facing these exact circumstances in this moment and I am curious about the resilience and will of the human spirit? Part of me feels I would be very motivated by "disaster" if you will, so naturally what would be more challenging to me would be to find that same sense of motivation in a slow gradual dissipation of my world as I created it, that its truly what feels harder for me and thus, no surprise, exactly what I've created.
There was a point in my life where I realized I felt incredibly guilty if I allowed too many good things into my life. I felt like if I kept getting what I wanted then eventually it would all have to come crashing down and be destroyed, to keep the balance, so to speak. I was very cautious not to be overly grateful and excited about the good things that came in because I was sure that if I got caught up in the excitement and all that that it would have to be balanced with something "bad." It is such a weird concept, and I wonder where and at what point in my life I picked this up? I remember starting to deal with it mentality/emotionally when I was young, 12-ish.
I resorted to complete identification with my anger, frustration, judgements, resentments etc. basically I fed the other wolf (from Michelles story) if you will, initially in an attempt to protect myself from losing everything good. I decided I would beat, whoever it was that I feared and was sure was out to get me, by punishing myself first. At some point I got lost in this identification, forgetting why I was doing it in the first place and it was who I became.
I am in Bethel this week house sitting for my parents. Funny I am just getting this right now. I knew I had some energy work to do while I was here but I had completely forgotten about the personal healing work I was guided to do until I began writing this blog. I have come back to the physical place where all my physical constitutions patterns were set in place. All of it is here! How I was raised, the collective consciousness of this area, which no doubt affected me and molded me, the old everything, my past self basically. Since, being here I have been feeling stagnant, cluttered and scattered, no doubt I'm sensing things in my energy field that are ready to be let go.
Male/father issues have suddenly become the forefront of my attention, I've been craving alcohol something that I haven't done in years, having strong desires to check out and go unconscious for the duration of this trip.
I feel it is time to cut the cords and fully fully fully let go of the past. Kind of how Joni has been shredding all her old medical files and releasing the cancer from her field, I too have to shred all this old stuff, more on a symbolic level since all of it is energetic but really let go, let go, LET go so that I am amble to put myself fully and wholly into my present. Blah, I feel like I've done this already before and am annoyed that here I am again coming to the same realisation as before, doing the same release work as before but yet as similar as it is it is different. Another layer a deeper layer thought in its way the same is so very different. And my ability to be clearer and more receptive to this release is different. My desire to fully let this go is more honest then it ever was before.
And, so this is where I'm at. Re-reading this I'm not sure how I got from where I started this blog to where it ended but that is the amazing thing about the human mind. It often doesn't make any sense and the thoughts that trigger one memory may have nothing to do with it at all. Truly amazing.
Blessings to everyone and my we all believe in out right to be beautiful, bountiful and grateful!

A Healing Journey with James

Today I must share a story about an series of events that happened a day or two before Thanksgiving 2009.

Michael and I were tuning in to the 10:00 news on our satellite tv. I rarely have an emotional response to any of the news, no matter how awful it may seem. But this time was different. The anchorwoman began with a story about a young man named James (not his real name) who had gone with his family to explore in a well known cave system outside Salt Lake City.

James was a 23 year old medical student, involved in many sports, and an experienced caver. He and his brothers, their wives and his three year old daughter all went into this amazing cave with many twists, turns, and passages. They came to an area where the cave opens up into a large cathedral. After exploring this space for a while, the group split up. Most went back the direction they had come. James and one brother went forward into the narrow maze like passages to explore the deeper cave.

They went far back into the cave and the passage became narrower and steeper. James was in front and his brother right behind him, when he suddenly stopped moving. He had entered into an area with a downward slope and slid in further. He tried to move forward, but in the narrow confines of the passage along with being head down, he could not get any leverage to move his body weight. James told his brother that he was stuck.

After seeing that he really was stuck and there was nothing more he could do, James' brother went back the direction he had come, crawling and winding his way out to get help. Within hours, a group of search and rescue experts were there to help.

They worked for hours, trying to get James out of the dark passage. The challenge was enormous, since there was only room for one person right behind him, and very little room for any maneuvering. At one time in the evening, the rescuers had pulled James back up the passage almost to safety, with ropes and rigging. Just as his feet were emerging, the rigging broke. James slid back down into the passage, and the rescue workers did their best not to feel the despair that began to set in.

By 10:00, they had gotten a cell phone in to James so he could talk with his wife. The rescuers were exhausted, and out of options for bringing James out alive. A very heavy cloud of sadness was descending around this event. Throughout the news, they returned to the scene at the cave several times to give updates on James' condition. I could hardly hear or see any other news, as this situation and the cloud of sadness around it filled my awareness.

I went to bed that night with prayers for healing for James, his family, and all the rescuers who had tried so hard, and now had to simply watch him die. I knew he would not live through the night.

At 3:33 I jerked awake in bed. I saw the pitch black cave passage where James had passed. Then I heard a sound that I could not describe. I felt a rush of emotion-sadness, betrayal, guilt, apology, pain... I suddenly knew through the emotional veil that James was standing in the room with me. He was confused, angry, and extremely sad over his passing, and he wanted answers! Why did this happen to me? Why? Why? He kept asking me and I, in my grogginess could not give him an answer. I just kept radiating calmness and presence, since it was the only way I could think of to help this regretful young man.

I was awake with him that night for several hours. He went through many emotions and resistance layers about what had happened. He had had many plans to be of service in his life. He was going to be a doctor, and saw himself doing some amazing things to advance the level of health in third world nations. He kept going back over the event and choices that had lead to his death, regretting each one in turn. "If only I had turned back with the others when we all split up. If only I had decided to turn around where it was getting too narrow to walk. If only I had gotten my arms out ahead of me before sliding into the passage. If only..."

All I could do that night was to assure him that there was a reason for this that he could not see at this time. I told him to consider that he might have a different path of service. I asked him to look for the silver lining ( I know it seems crazy), and he just got quiet. He began to get past the charges and become conscious.

As soon as this happened, he started to get concerned about his family. He knew that his wife and little daughter were okay. He said she was strong, and his wife would have lots of opportunities to start a new life with someone else. But he was most concerned about one of his brothers. I was unable to discern which one, but he said that one of his brothers feels completely responsible for James' death. He was afraid this brother would not forgive himself and go on with life. He wanted me to contact the family so he could talk to them.

He badgered me for the rest of the night about calling his family. I told him that I would not do this. I told him that if he was supposed to contact them, he would have to find someone else. I am not an attack psychic, nor do I deliver messages on a regular basis for the deceased. It is not my role in this incarnation. I told him there were others that could do this for him. Then he left and was gone as quickly as he arrived.

I will finish this story tomorrow.

K.

Shortly after beginning the 90 day was my Mayan signature day, WHITE COSMIC wind day on the Mayan calender and the veils were lifting as they do-It fills my heart to be a part of the ceremonies of this time and all the blessings they shower upon us! shortly after beginning this 90 day, was my Mayan signature day-white cosmic wind day-that is on the Mayan calender and the veils were lifting as they do;

letting go; suddenly present and in the moment; an unseen before door opens;
song and ceremony that seems to come from 10,000 years ago, coming in serendipitously -filling my heart -what a beautiful gift coming from the soul-resonating with that vibration- I felt back in ceremony again- such a gift!

-the animals coming in during this portal time-again the moose-I think at the last 90 day -while at one of the 90 day meetings Kathryn was told to give me a mooses tooth to hold during the meeting-then I shared an incident that week with a moose filled with adrenaline had communicated for my oncoming car to change lanes before this moose- not yet visible to me until only seconds later- running full sppeed past my window in the lane I had just changed from and so was able to unharmed drive safely by this moose -so was surprised that another moose came in during this 90 day-but in a polar opposite form -this time so relaxed- this moose rested on all 4‘s sitting facing me communicating how animals do in that way that being in their presence seems to heal and affirm your very life; where you are and what you are doing- with eye contact that seemed to look into my soul in this timeless beautiful moment-that turned into much later- (one of the blogs if i can remember right- had mentioned that initial fear that was felt when in the presence of the Wolf)-I resonated with that blog and it reminded me of that-realizing that fear is a choice and letting go of that fear-this moose teaching me to relax!

-again the spirit guides coming in the form of a beautiful sign -- a beautiful connected double rainbow circling around the sun. This was to take on more meaning later when shortly after seeing this rainbow around the sun, pulling out a dvd I had been carrying around for a long time, but finally watched and kept stopping on the RAINBOW SUN that had appeared to me again in this very magical dvd; got goosebumps all over as rewound and played this over and over-I wanted to share this because this message from this pure spirit seems to embrace everything about the 90 days for me and I was so moved, just as I have been moved by everyones sharing that gave me the strength to put down the DEAD food that was about to go into my mouth and reach for my pre-made snack high VIBRATION core food and finally i think have the nerve -a gift from the moose -to share with you. This quote following the picture and mention of “RAINBOW SUN” from Alex Grey’s chapel of Sacred Mirrors, a 2006 DVD, film by Nick Krasnic, www.CoSMthemovie.com that has filled my dreams and visions and has become my mantra, intention and for me is another spirit guide: While the film shows Alex Grey’s Rainbow Sun picture he says, “Our WHITE COSMIC consciousness leaves our body and enters into a new realm of light and great mystery. Teacher of mind; a wanderer from the west did go upon an unclear path, as bone and flesh. Alone they went through dark unholiness. I wonder can I find myself? brought clearing and a voice. No bally born, seek spiritual dawn the path has opened-it’s your choice. Along the path- death-mirror of future collapse, animal powers surround and protect the teacher as a corpse. The teaching is taken. The sun emerges. Book of the dead -direct me, resurrect me. Climbing the mountain, slipping and falling, struggling to upper reaches/the path of practice can be long and arduous, as it teaches, holy book ignites a vision, seeker becomes seer, karmic preparation allows the face of the guru to appear. The 3 worlds are united. From lesser to greater being. Vision spontaneously liberate, as vaste as nakedly seeing. Awareness, supreme and central, emptiness radient and clear, inner sun, outer sun, non-dual in the heart, no desire or fear. Guardians cut loose my empty husk, a human skin pelt of turquoise sky, reveals a mungdulah (sp?) of great perfection-a re splendid buddha eye, the essential vazrah (sp?) teaching condensed in a rainbow sun, transmits a fractal message-wake up everyone! the inspired yogi reaches for universal truth’s jewel -encoded in a heart drop or a crystalline molecule-pure of stain or ill, now has found it’s heart home, empowered to penetrate others with primordial waves of bliss. Shimmering, resonant love webs spread out to boundlessness. All beings and things included in the bodi soph vahz (sp?) vow. Therefore a return to the world, but in touch with the timeless now. An elixir of wisdom and compassion does my tray bring to all. Everyone is a future Buddha-listen deep for the Inner call.

The art that Alex Grey has created that goes with this message for his rainbow sun painting that is on this DVD transforms you directly to the 5th dimension!

ok-it is after 12:00am -i’m going to turn into a pumkin, sorry i’m tired, butthis is my first blog- i hope this makes sense-thanks for listening -maybe i can bring some balance into my life with the 90 days and find a time bubble so as to not stay up late to blog-but i feel liike i have now joinged the 20th century if I can figure out how to send it!
lightening storm desert rose Casseopeia-A-and thank-you RAINBOW SUN!

Insights and Dreams and Action

When I purged my medical files but kept the miscarriage papers, I had a dream about my friend Elaine who died of cancer 5 years ago. I was giving the eulogy over and over again. When I woke up I realized that I still had guilt over her death and how I dealt with it. Thank you Universe for bringing it to my attention. A conversation with Elaine needs to happen to heal my guilt.

I also had a dream about wolves. I was sitting in the passenger seat of a vehicle with the door open. In the back seat was a wolf curled up and asleep. I asked myself if I should be concerned but he didn't move. So I relaxed. But then another wolf jumped in and out of the vehicle several times crossing over my lap. Again I wondered if I should be concerned. After waking I knew it was telling me to be a teacher, but of what? I am a gatherer of knowledge but a master of none. It's also the reason, Laura left her wolf skin/fur with me. Thank you, Wolf, for your message.

I also was lamenting over the fact that Laura's community drum will be leaving Alaska soon.

But Raven Hair in her brilliance suggested that we put it out to our spiritual community for donations for a community drum and stand like we did for the harmonizer. That way Diamond Heart and our spiritual community would have one with everyone's energy and blessing. I hope that Diamond Heart will consider this.

When I was working in the workbook this week, Day 19 asked us to listen to all of the CD Unity Tone. One of the things that came of it for me was that my medicine wheel is now in the shape of a spider web. So I put all of the constitutions around the web in their own sections. Lo and behold there were 4 sections left. It struck me that they were the new constitutions that are coming into being through Kathryn. These 4 sections are also a step higher than the rest like it is the new spiral layer that extends upward like an ascension spiral staircase with these 4 on one level of it. Kathryn is pioneering them for us as some of the group are completing their last constitution this time around. What do you think, Kathryn and Michael?

I also have these thoughts:

My past was a sum of my pasts and a gathering of present experiences.

Now I'm creating the day and letting go of it for tomorrow.

I'm a daily alchemist letting go of the day's creation to fashion a new one on the morrow.

Sounds good. I am growing into it day by day.

Joni Mist Walker

SPARKLING SNOW LIGHT

My brother Frank is on the plane to Alaska and will arrive tonight. I can hardly believe it! The day has finally come. My heart is crying, resonating with joy and painful loss, my emotions howling at the return of a pack member. I can hardly believe that after his long 2.5 year journey through physical death, mental madness and institutional life he is delivering his Self whole on my doorstep this night! A new journey begins for him, my family and for us together. The timing seems perfect. With my broken wrist I can be more present, since I am not able to work. He can help so much having two hands.

Lately, I have been enjoying discovering family members through the animal medicine they carry. Frank has Eagle, Wolf and Turkey medicine. I was guided to do a couple balances for Frank, the Divine Plan, the spirits of the land, family & home here, & ascension. I love knowing the spirits are on board! Thank you most amazing supportive spirits!

Thank you all in my spiritual circle for your support through these last couple years. It has made all the difference that I may walk this consciously. Many thanks in particular to Kathryn for the guidance and teaching on this walk. It allowed me to be alive in my life through this time period, to find joy in a bigger plan and to assist others. It has been the difference between an attitude of death and dispair or an outlook of life and connection

I am grateful for the glorious double-brilliant March sunlight reflecting off generous sparkling snowdrifts here to welcome Frank to Alaska and into life again. Please welcome this new member. Gratitude in advance to my amazing and vibrant spiritual community members. Thank you!

SkyWalker Sings with her Heart

A Gift from a Wolf-dog

When I was about 19 or 20, I became the happy care-taker of a beautiful silver-gray puppy whose mother was half wolf. Kobuk was his name, and he grew into an amazingly wolf-like being. He was so intelligent that I could show him something one time, and he would learn it instantly. I never even appreciated this ability until many years later when I had the opportunity to work with normal dogs, and learn the methods of training (especially repetition).

Over the years that he lived with my family, I was spending a lot of time with horses. At first I believed that I was training horses. As I became more perceptive, I saw that I was really learning from horses about life, healing, and ascension. The horses taught me more about energy flow than any meditation class or martial art. Much of my time was spent riding horses across country, on trails or just going from landmark to landmark with a contour map.

Kobuk assumed a special role of protector on these journeys. Many times I was riding a young horse who did not have a lot of confidence. Horses are herd animals, and do not really like to be away from their herd. Every time I would go out on a young horse, Kobuk would trot ahead, disappearing from view.

The moment the horse would encounter something that frightened it, such as a stream crossing for the first time, or a scary white rock (it could be anything), Kobuk would appear just ahead and stand waiting, giving the horse confidence that it was not alone. If the horse did not make it past the obstacle, he would walk right up to it, as if having a conversation! Then he would lead the horse across or through the challenge, and would once again disappear ahead.

Kobuk accompanied me through many years of growth and change and life. He became a playmate/babysitter for my daughter when she was born. He alerted me whenever someone unknown to him came on our land. He was my dear friend and companion.

Eventually the time came when Kobuk was ready to cross. Because I did not yet know how to communicate directly with an animal's spirit, I had a lot of conflict over this event. He was very old (15), and had lived a happy and fulfilled life. He was mostly deaf and could not see very well, and seemed to be in his own little world most of the time. And my husband and I had made the decision to leave the area, and would not have a permanent home for some time to come. We could not imagine taking him out of his element and asking him to try and make an adjustment to this new life in his current condition.

The day came when Kobuk was scheduled to die. Our veterinarian friend came to our home and I held Kobuk in my arms while he received the shot that would initiate the death process. An amazing thing happened in that moment. Because I had not communicated anything to him, as he received the shot, he went into a panic of realization, and began to struggle. That moment of struggle sent me into a huge process of sadness, betrayal, and believing that I had killed my best friend.

The worst part was that I could not let go of this self guilt. No matter how I tried to forgiver myself, I could not. It turned into a kind of despair that descended into my physical body and I could not even talk about his death for almost two years.

Around two years later, I was waking up very early in the morning. It was amoment of dreaming in that lucid state before you are truly awake, and I had the most amazing dream. I was in total darkness alone. I heard someone call my name, but could not tell where it was in location to me or which direction the sound was coming from. Then it happened again but this time it was closer, louder. I felt as if someone was on the other side of a glass window, trying to get my attention.

Then suddenly, inthe darkness, I felt Kobuk's tongue licking my hands. I felt him wagging his tail and bumping happily against my legs...His energy was high and he was showing me, "LOOK! I am alive! I am here! I forgive you!"

He had the wild happiness of a 3 month old puppy.

After that experience, I was completely able to forgive myself. Because I now knew beyond any shadow of doubt that death was not real, that somewhere Kobuk was still experiencing life in a body, happy and healthy, and that he had given me this gift so I could move forward and get on with living.

He changed my understanding of death forever. Thank you Kobuk!

Kachina

Courage and Trust Where For Art Thou?

I was thinking about the Olympic downhill ski jump the other day. They take some serious air without fear but in totally trust -- no poles. They do it over and over again. That is their life. I feel like I have jetisoned out before with my mediumship but now I’m at the gate again -- wanting to fly but being in fear. I venture out and retreat back to the comfort zone just like they do at the gate. I’m in the rocking chair motion. My kidneys and I need to talk.

The hula hoop is a good barometer of where I’m at in this moment as it hits my kidneys. Many days I can not make it go beyond a few revolutions. My will is weak at times, and I’m trying hard to find my core to move it as it doesn’t work any other way. How to be in my core all the time hmmmm. I know this has to do with what Kathryn was referring to the “unconsciousness” pattern and her movement classes. Time to get back at it.

I’ve come out of the closet in the public with my eating. I’ll warm up roots on the stove in schools where I sub. I’ve made my own section in the frig where all my healthy oils and food reside. I bought a cast iron skittle, wooden spoons, and glass containers for juices. I’ve gotten over being embarrassed about asking questions about food. I’ve been eating well for a long time with just a few lapses -- longer than ever before and I’m juicing all the time. I even woke up one day and looked in the mirror and saw beauty radiating out -- how did that happen!

I spent 4 days locked in my house cleaning out books on cancer or food for cancer, other books I not longer need or want in my new life, a couple of bookcases, and tons of school material that I just carted off to schools yesterday. I shredded mounds of medical papers on this surgery and that surgery -- this procedure and that procedure. It was a no brainer with the books but I hadn’t thought about my medical records. If I’m carrying the thoughts about cancer in books and medical records in my house space, then it is still in the realm of possibility because it is still in my auric field. Aha! Not no more! The only paperwork I did not shred was my two miscarriages as I need to do deep cell work with it. I’ve cleared other levels but probably not that one. I no longer exist in my past on a conscious level but the past still lingers inside the cells. I need a total constitutional cleansing and hmmm what else?

It seems I needed to do this external cleaning to help with the internal cleaning. I get discouraged but I guess when I look at the past weeks and all I’ve accomplished, I’ve jumped and only hit a few potholes along the way and the wagon wheel can be repaired.

Joni Mist Walker

Dissolving Unconsciousness

For those of us who have chosen to walk a path of increasing consciousness, it is important to bring consciousness in to our everyday lives. It is fairly easy to go up on a mountain top and meditate and have an experience of conscious expansion. It is somewhat more challenging to have the same experience while you are washing the dishes or taking out the garbage!

Here is a quote from Eckhart Tolle's little book, Practicing the Power of Now. I feel it is pertinent to the work we are all doing in the 90 Day process, as well as in our lives. "To stay present in everyday life, it helps to be deeply rooted in yourself; otherwise the mind, which has incredible momentum, will drag you along like a wild river. It means to inhabit your body fully, to always have some of your attention in the inner energy field of your body. To feel your body from within, so to speak. Body awareness keeps you present. It anchors you in the now."

By focusing your attention on the inner energy field of your body, you move awareness from the past/future polarity that is the mind, into the pure awareness of the present. We can always cope with the present moment. What we can not cope with, or change, or prepare for, or keep from happening, is the future. The answer, the strength, the courage, the power, the resource, the right action-it will always be there, in the moment when we need it. Not before, and not after. Everything else is the mind's way of masturbation.

A great practice to increase your presence is to habitually ask yourself, "What is going on inside me at this moment? Am I at ease in this moment? Where do I feel this moment in my physical body?" Instantly the attention is drawn from the mind into the body, from the polarity of past/future into the now.

You may begin to observe all the ways in which the mind will attempt to resist this level of consciousness. It comes as judgement, discontent, and attempts toward mental projection out of the now. An emotional feeling may surface of boredom, unease, nervousness, or tension. These are both aspects of the mind in its habitual resistance mode. If you continue to hold your attention on the inner world, you will gradually gain power in the heart consciousness-in the present moment.

When we become fully present in the moment, awake in every situation in which we find ourselves, then our actions become very powerful. Our intentions become aligned with the universe as it truly is, not as we think it is or should be. From this space of true awareness, any actions that are generated contain the power of alignment and the intuitive awareness that comes from being in the present. They are not generated from reference points of the past or attachments to an imagined future.

This is the point where love, power, and consciousness come together. This is ascension.

Kachina

Polarity and Feeding..HMMMM

My days are interesting and kind of all over the place. One minute I am deeply connected and the next, just going through the motions. I focus on being present, having patience and purpose but I am pulled in the opposite direction often. I see that Polarity is all around me in thinking and functioning.

I am in limbo and moving forward. I have outgrown my life in a way that makes me feel edgy and bored to be in it. I know that sounds strange given all of the growth but the day to day stuff, well, I am over it. I want to use the time in between the “half to” stuff for more creation yet I find myself too blah about the “half to” stuff to move.

I am standing on a cliff ready to take flight, excited and in awe, like seeing a sunset for the first time or walking in warm sand barefoot. Then responsibility slaps me in the face and says, “don’t forget about”, I stop listening and do. Doing with my body and flying in spirit, when smack I hit the ground in a pile of laundry with the alarm clock going off. I say I just want five more minutes but really I want a lifetime.

I have told the story of the two wolves to several people recently, in response to “what is it you are feeding”. It’s only fitting that it’s exactly what I am looking at. I thought I would share as a reminder to myself.

I am humbly grateful, Michelle

What am I feeding today?

The Story of Two Wolves
A Grandfather from the Cherokee Nation was talking with his grandson.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves."

"One wolf is evil and ugly: He is anger, envy, war, greed, self-pity, sorrow, regret, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, selfishness and arrogance."

"The other wolf is beautiful and good: He is friendly, joyful, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, justice, fairness, empathy, generosity, true, compassion, gratitude, and deep VISION."

"This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other human as well."

The grandson paused in deep reflection because of what his grandfather had just said.
Then he finally asked: "Grandfather, which wolf will win?"

The elder Cherokee replied, "The wolf that you feed."

Action?

I walk gently, recognizing the pattern of my mind. I cannot figure it out, I cannot rationalize or logically understand how everything is going to work out. There is no way to do that, it is quite literally impossible. Because no matter what my brain thinks up, the path I am on is illuminated by a force, greater then the aspect of my mind that I have access to. To attempt to "understand" and plan leads me to a wall of panic, stress and doubt, EVERY TIME!
I am noticing the pattern and I am now able to recognize how I can influence the scattered emotions of my egos mind. And they are all right here in this present moment. Every time I allow myself to go down the road of "how is this all going to work out" and attempt to sit down and make a list of the steps and ways in which it will all unfold, I am hit with the panic button. Each idea I think up leads me to a road block or dead end because the root of each idea is connected to some sort of self-sacrifice and repression in order to gain something. money but at the sacrifice of my passion, love at the sacrifice of my freedom, recognition at the sacrifice of my integrity. Until I stop and recognize that tomorrow doesn't matter, tomorrow never comes and the more I fixate on tomorrow, the more I miss my opportunities of today, to create through present moment actions the results my heart desires for tomorrow. The actions can be as grand as booking clients and networking myself (if that is what I am called and guided to do) or as "simple" as setting intentions and feeling gratitude for all the gifts that are present in this moment, in my life right now.
I am identifying a misperseption I have of the word action. Up to this point I have viewed action as a very yang or male energy. To me it meant go, do something, get out there and accomplish whatever it is that you've been thinking about, it meant very much engaging in the world and other people, a very hands on, exerted energy. Which I might add always made me feel depleted just at the thought of it, so I avoided action all together. I am now realizing that action through intention setting, consistent use of affirmation, visualizing, making offerings, expressing gratitude etc are all ways to take action outwardly. And are all very effective ways to create positive change in ones life.

Yesterday I was freaking out, again. Money worries, self-doubt, questions of how, how how? The more I thought, the more despair I felt. Then like a lightning bolt, which I'm embarrassed to say has hit me many times before, I was again reminded of where I was. Here in the present moment. I was offered an assignment, for the duration of the South. Each morning when I go out to make my offering, well lets be honest, first off each morning I am to go out and make an offering, I am to ask "what action can I take today to assist me on my path?" and then do it.
That's where I am in this moment. That is as far as I've gotten.

For today I am being still and centered in gratitude. Again I am reminded, today I am healthy, I have a roof over my head, a cozy bed, beautiful vibrant food to eat, people who love me and all the earth I can explore! Why waste my time in worry when I can immerse myself in such a wonderful present moment experience?

Progress, Not Perfection

I have been Blewing Thunder again, down here in the South!! I am just getting back into rhythm after a great visit with Kathryn's folks and family. It was probably the first time in that family setting without experiencing any kharmic exchanges, which I attribute to my progress in the last three years of the 90 Day Program.

After 900 miles put on the odometer, and lots of time to review, I am recognizing and realizing the progress I have made. I am being able to relate to each and every one of those that have been BLOGging and reaffirming how similar every one of us are. And relating to those who have not BLOGged, understanding how you feel.

For some of you that know me, you might think it is easy for me to talk. Well guess what! A little over 24 years ago, I sobered up. Through a 12 step program, and the group meetings, I was encouraged to share what was going on in my life. Filled with terror, I spoke anyway, often with armpits around my neck and sometimes concerned about wetting pants! Just pure terror. But more than anything else, I wanted to sober up and heal my life.

It took me the longest time to learn to get out of my head and into my heart. My ego kept me in my head. Bucky Fuller talked about ego suicide. He said this is where we could truly get into our life's work. I was told that is what would help me heal the old wounds.

The next level of terror came from when I had to look at myself and write down a moral inventory of me. Then I had to share it with another human being. I was so scared that I didn't think that I could do it honestly. But here again, I was told that if I did this, the compulsion for me to drink and do drugs would leave me. I was only as sick as my secrets.

Once again, the most important thing for me was that I wanted to live a life of quality. I wanted to live my life's work. The only way I could get present was to heal the wreckage of my past. For over 7 years I went to 12 step meetings and I learned a new way of living. It came through listening to other people share all of the events in their lives; the good, the bad, and the ugly. As a result of that, I came to understand how alike we all are. I learned who I was by hearing the stories of others.

Through another workshop I went to years ago, one thing that stands out for me, was how to release kharma. In talking with Kathryn, as she has assisted me in writing this post, she pointed out once again the medicine wheel; the equation "thoughts" (female left hand raised above the head) in the EAST, "feeling" (through the heart) in the SOUTH, "spoken word" (right hand down towards Mother Earth) in the WEST, and "emracing it with gratitude and enthusiasm" (hands encircled) in the NORTH; visualize a lightening bolt entering through the left hand, passing through the heart and out through the right hand into the ground, then encircling the whole.

The biggest key is having a witness to the spoken words. The witness is where the freedom comes, because another human being has heard, along with the creator. We can also honor artful disclosure, the wisdom to know the difference of when to share and who to share with. The more I can share and the more humble I can get, the more people I can assist in understanding that we are all one heart, truly. The paradox is the purest form of healing.

I was also told that if I wanted to keep this freedom, I would have to share this freedom with others. While down south with Kathryn's family, I got to notice the challenge that my brother-in-law has with alcohol, and the constant bickering between he and his wife, because of alcohol. Today I can see how much it is because of alcohol. Both of them are wonderful people, yet the kharmic exchange that gets locked in makes it almost impossible to get out.

And so what Kathryn and I did was to show them a different way to live. Not through promotion, just as a result of observing how we live as partners. We felt good about what we had to share with them, our true essence. And they had tears in their eyes and said "Thank you" when we had our good-byes.

I was once told that if I can see progress in someone else, then that means I am healing too-because I am the last one to be able to see myself. So I keep moving towards spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection. And that is part of how the blue circle came to be.

So I truly thank those that have shared. Our true desire is to create a safe space here, where people feel supported to share. In Anchorage we could hold a physical space for this, and our intention is for recreating this here. A safe and neutral space.

And I thank my Ancestors for giving me the courage to share. Aho.

Blew Thunder

The South

Here we are in the South direction now. I am already having opportunities to TAKE ACTION as we move through this direction.

Sometimes these opportunities involve making a difficult choice, or a hard communication. When this happens, I have learned to feel gratitude for this, because it means I am in the right place. It means that I am willing to act with courage, the transmutational emotion of the heart.

I commend all of you who are sharing your process on the BLOG. It takes courage to pick up the talking stick time after time and let people see you. I will say that each of you contributes an amazing energy and perspective to the group. You have inspired me, and it does not matter how short or long your communications are. The fact is that you have connected and brought forth your essence into this group arena. Thank you!

I also thank those of you who are choosing to observe. For some of us, it is a challenge simply to find the time to log on and read the blog every day. This too is taking an action toward positive change.

I have recently received a few opportunities to TRUST my own DISCERNMENT once again. These are opportunities of the South, and the guides tell me that as we develop greater trust, our discernment becomes stronger as well. They are two sides of the same coin.

Three days ago I awakened with a chant going through my mind. It is a series of sacred sounds (sounds like an Eastern language) that are designed to assist in merging the physical cellular body with the 5D light body. I was told that it would be very beneficial to chant this chant while standing near the second harmonizer, every morning for a period of time. I decided that today on the New Moon is the day to begin. Another opportunity to take action!

As a last thought, there has been at least one person that has had a challenge getting on the BLOG. If there is anyone else out there who is trying to post and can not get it to work, please do e-mail me!

Gratitude to all,
Kachina

Gifts of Love through the Veil

I am so full of joy to read all the amazing things you are all doing in the 90-days. Wow, you are taking great steps! You are all so brave,powerful and committed. The spirits are with us.

After I pressed the send button to my attorney to offer a discounted house-buying option to my nieces. I knew i was exhausted and needed to rest. I feel I was substantially complete in healing my Prosperity channel when I pressed that button. But I was perplexed over the next 2 days thinking,"what can I do to relax?" Shortly, I broke my right wrist sledding, had surgery. Now i get to walk through a fully conscious healing of the Health channel and I get mandatory R & R: the set up to truely rest between cycles, to be the North, winter, stillness, integration. This completely compliments my desire for kidney restoration, the intention that I will rise in the morning feeling truly refreshed!

Kathryn's latest blog reminded me of how our healing of our Selves heals our Ancestors. I experienced this before. Through these steps I will be gifting my brothers on the other side of the veil Ben & Frank with healing. I feel such joy to be able to assist them, to continue loving and caring for them. Gifts of the heart through the veils.

Depths of my Soul

Never could I have guessed all that my animal communication class would do for me-after just one week here, it is apparent that a new layer of soul has been revealed, and I can't say that necessarily feels good. I feel raw, exposed, vulnerable, and am not in control of my emotions-a place I would not consciously have chosen to go. Halfway through the week, I wanted to quit because it was so uncomfortable-a sure sign that I needed to continue. There have been many tears for me this week, revealing to me so many suppressed & unconscious memories and fears.

Animals are deep, emotional beings who have such profound lessons for us which are sometimes hard, if not impossible, for the human mind to fathom. They are beings of honesty, integrity, strength and courage, and most importantly, unconditional love. Rarely have I encountered a human who so possesses such qualities-certainly, we are here to learn these lessons in our lifetimes. Talking with so many animals this week, listening to them, truly hearing them and experiencing previously unknown feelings of unconditional love has been hard to take. It has shown me a tremendous amount about myself and the guards I put up around my Heart.

There is no b.s. with animals, and experiencing such truth with them has been profound and frightening. Most of my life, I have just not allowed myself to go here-it can be a very uncomfortable place. In order to hear and understand animals, I have to hear and understand myself. What a journey this has been! I recognize my discomfort as a sign for me to absolutely continue-it is the best thing I can do for myself. Uncomfortable as it may be right now, I look forward to sharing the rest of my life with these amazing beings on this new level.
Aho, EarthSong

Blessings from the Ancestors

As Blew Thunder and I were driving back toward White Sage Landing yesterday, we had an opportunity to observe and process all we had experienced in the last several days. One of the reasons that Spirit had for us to make this journey now instead of another time only became apparent to us as we reviewed.

The medicine bird that appeared several times on our journey south to Mesa, and kept appearing over and over while we were there, was the vulture (some call it the turkey vulture because of his red, featherless head). The vulture was the bird that appeared at my side as we first arrived at White Sage Landing. It is a bird that holds the keys to shape-shifting, and is also a medicine for writers and teachers, especially those who live in solitude. I had understood that vulture would be helping me as I wrote the Food for Ascension book.

We had printed the first couple of copies of the book on our own printer as a test run, and gathered those together to take along with us as we left for Mesa. I had absolutely no expectation, almost did not even take them, since I know my family is not very interested in healing with food or the ascension process.

When we arrived in Mesa, I took the books in the house and showed them to my family, then set them on a coffee table and promptly forgot about them. They sat there the whole time we were visiting. Every time I went out, vultures magically appeared, one was even flying down to the ground and swooping up over my head, then circling back and doing it again! Blew Thunder called my attention to the writer's medicine all around us, and he connected the dots for me to see that the bird was making an acknowlegement of the completion of this book.

Then on the final morning of our visit, as we were preparing to leave, the strangest thing happened. We arrived at their house around 9:00 and walked in. Suddenly the "gates" had opened. My father said he had read the first two stories in the book, Kathryn and Michael's stories. Then my sister Carla asked if she could buy a book to take home-she had read the first two stories. Then my mother said she had read the whole introduction chapter and wanted to finish the book. Finally even Doug, my brother-in-law said he had read the first two stories. Everyone was excited about the book and naming people they thought would want one... So Michael and I left the books there with them and went on our way, amazed at the shift that had taken place without even an intention on our part.

Then, further in our drive, when we saw the vulture again, we both got it at once. This journey, on a spiritual level, was about receiving the blessing of our Ancestors for the book! Of course! We laughed.

When we arrived home this morning, we took the book to our printer and dropped it off. The first 50 copies will be picked up in a week. Food for Ascension Recipes will then be available for purchase through our website. It feels as though we have entered a new era of our lives together, like passing a major landmark. It feels good.

Kachina

connections to close strangers

After reading Michelle's most recent post, something has become so very clear to me...I too have been scared to have someone else "own" me. Never thought of the fear with that name before, but that is EXACTLY what I feel.

I recently married by best friend and soul mate in September who has been a part of my life for 13 years. I love him with every part of myself but have yet to take the steps to change my name...and I did not know why until now.

When I was 20, my parents announced they were getting divorced. At that time we (my now husband Chris and myself) where getting ready to move to Alaska. My brother was 13 and both my parents were so very distant and removed...a very hard situation to leave behind; But I did. I had to. I became such an independent person after that, but the scars of my parents divorce stuck with me and played a huge part in Chris and I not getting married (we actually discussed avoiding the process all together at one point), we always just said we were "too young". An excuse.

After 5 years of exploring the last frontier, something drew us back to Vermont and we left our dreamland behind. That something was our families...our roots...US. At that point we realized that marriage was not scary, not "bad", and we got engaged...a surprise to us both. A huge stepping stone in our relationship.

At the present moment, after accepting marriage into my life, I feel that I am still holding onto a little of that scared person that feels protective of the individuality that I created for my self...I think that is why I am having such a difficult time taking on Chris's last name. I want to move past that fear and encompass all that is me, including my husband.

So, here I am at another one of the 10 year marks as Michelle describes, looking 30 straight in the eye facing the same challenge of creating individuality but with a different set of rules from another perspective...huh. Life is so interesting!

I would like to create the intention to encompass who I am and my individuality by including aspects of all the people in my life. Chris is me and I him, my old views are no longer valid. I am an individual regardless of the name I carry, it does not change my values...my soul. I accept that and move forward, letting go of the past and past beliefs.

Thank you all for your help.

Less seeking, More learning

I am grateful for the lessons, the knowledge and the experience of this lifetime. I see and understand that the more I let go of the seeking of answers, the dissecting of moments, the searching for knowledge and the anxiety of whats next, I learn.

I have lived in constant change for the last ten years after, what I consider, hitting "rock bottom" and choosing to live. What is even more interesting is that I have essentially been reborn every ten years of this lifetime. When I turned 20, I gave birth to Zach, the child I believe saved my life. Now at 40, I am finally coming into myself as all the years previous have prepared me for. This time by conscious choice.

As of July 1, I no longer have a job, which I have created and I am not looking for a new one. Hurray! My husband has manifested the job he wanted and what appears to be a smooth transition for our move. We have shifted in balance of our roles as we awakened in White Sage. Not just with the "job" thing although that is obvious.


This is a long way to come for a girl starting adulthood as a mother, needing to prove the world wrong and stay off of welfare. The fearful woman who lost herself and fought back with monetary success and walls in place to keep her safe is whole. I am now a solid women finding strength in vulnerability. It came to me as I was filling out the paperwork to change my name, The fight in me is over.


Steve and I will renew our vows soon with new rings. When we married in the medicine wheel, we began with our intentions in commitment to ourselves and our own paths. Over the past 2 1/2 years that has been our lives, focused on self. We exchanged beautiful wooden rings, delicate and not resistant to normal wear. Most of the time they were off. A shift happened in White Sage and now it's time to move to the next stage. Partnership. We will exchange new rings. Solid rings and bury the old ones in the earth in ceremony of this new phase and gratitude of the old. During this 90 day journey, I healed another layer and I am ready to have his name. Part of my fight within was that I would never let another person own me again. When I married Steve, I refused to change my name. That has shifted in me and as it may just be a name, for me it is about being open to allow someone else in.


It's a beautiful realization to trust and allow as I am getting comfortable with living at turtle speed, at least on most days.


In gratitude and reflection, Michelle

A Prayer for My Physical Ancestors

At no other time do I have the opportunity to walk in the midst of my physical ancestors than when I spend time with my family, particularly my parents. It is as if a time tunnel opens and I see their strengths, issues, and power. I hear their stories. I feel the pain bodies and their triumphs. I know their unfulfilled desires, and their deep compassion for the world. Each generation came to complete something for the ones that had gone before, and prepared a new foundation for the ones that would follow. There is an unbroken line of connection that reaches back to the very beginning of this planetary human experience that defies the concept of linear time.

I offer my gratitude for each one who walked before us. Thank you for your willingness. Thank you for your warrior spirit, and your can-do attitudes! Thank you for your adaptability and desire for creating positive change. Thank you for your big hearts and your trust in the goodness of life-no matter how much or how little of that goodness you experienced personally. I know that my journey of ecstasy through the ascension process is not only for myself, and for those of my time and the future. It is very truly for you of the past, for you have created this possibility through your willingness and desire.

I have spent several years learning to see God in every face, every thought, every decision, every situation. Now I am experiencing the transition into full consciousness, experiencing the whole reality as being conscious. Here surrounded by my birth family is the most powerful place for me to burn through the veils of illusion and reveal the God within every one. I am deeply thankful for this opportunity.

Aho.

Kachina