Today I must share a story about an series of events that happened a day or two before Thanksgiving 2009.
Michael and I were tuning in to the 10:00 news on our satellite tv. I rarely have an emotional response to any of the news, no matter how awful it may seem. But this time was different. The anchorwoman began with a story about a young man named James (not his real name) who had gone with his family to explore in a well known cave system outside Salt Lake City.
James was a 23 year old medical student, involved in many sports, and an experienced caver. He and his brothers, their wives and his three year old daughter all went into this amazing cave with many twists, turns, and passages. They came to an area where the cave opens up into a large cathedral. After exploring this space for a while, the group split up. Most went back the direction they had come. James and one brother went forward into the narrow maze like passages to explore the deeper cave.
They went far back into the cave and the passage became narrower and steeper. James was in front and his brother right behind him, when he suddenly stopped moving. He had entered into an area with a downward slope and slid in further. He tried to move forward, but in the narrow confines of the passage along with being head down, he could not get any leverage to move his body weight. James told his brother that he was stuck.
After seeing that he really was stuck and there was nothing more he could do, James' brother went back the direction he had come, crawling and winding his way out to get help. Within hours, a group of search and rescue experts were there to help.
They worked for hours, trying to get James out of the dark passage. The challenge was enormous, since there was only room for one person right behind him, and very little room for any maneuvering. At one time in the evening, the rescuers had pulled James back up the passage almost to safety, with ropes and rigging. Just as his feet were emerging, the rigging broke. James slid back down into the passage, and the rescue workers did their best not to feel the despair that began to set in.
By 10:00, they had gotten a cell phone in to James so he could talk with his wife. The rescuers were exhausted, and out of options for bringing James out alive. A very heavy cloud of sadness was descending around this event. Throughout the news, they returned to the scene at the cave several times to give updates on James' condition. I could hardly hear or see any other news, as this situation and the cloud of sadness around it filled my awareness.
I went to bed that night with prayers for healing for James, his family, and all the rescuers who had tried so hard, and now had to simply watch him die. I knew he would not live through the night.
At 3:33 I jerked awake in bed. I saw the pitch black cave passage where James had passed. Then I heard a sound that I could not describe. I felt a rush of emotion-sadness, betrayal, guilt, apology, pain... I suddenly knew through the emotional veil that James was standing in the room with me. He was confused, angry, and extremely sad over his passing, and he wanted answers! Why did this happen to me? Why? Why? He kept asking me and I, in my grogginess could not give him an answer. I just kept radiating calmness and presence, since it was the only way I could think of to help this regretful young man.
I was awake with him that night for several hours. He went through many emotions and resistance layers about what had happened. He had had many plans to be of service in his life. He was going to be a doctor, and saw himself doing some amazing things to advance the level of health in third world nations. He kept going back over the event and choices that had lead to his death, regretting each one in turn. "If only I had turned back with the others when we all split up. If only I had decided to turn around where it was getting too narrow to walk. If only I had gotten my arms out ahead of me before sliding into the passage. If only..."
All I could do that night was to assure him that there was a reason for this that he could not see at this time. I told him to consider that he might have a different path of service. I asked him to look for the silver lining ( I know it seems crazy), and he just got quiet. He began to get past the charges and become conscious.
As soon as this happened, he started to get concerned about his family. He knew that his wife and little daughter were okay. He said she was strong, and his wife would have lots of opportunities to start a new life with someone else. But he was most concerned about one of his brothers. I was unable to discern which one, but he said that one of his brothers feels completely responsible for James' death. He was afraid this brother would not forgive himself and go on with life. He wanted me to contact the family so he could talk to them.
He badgered me for the rest of the night about calling his family. I told him that I would not do this. I told him that if he was supposed to contact them, he would have to find someone else. I am not an attack psychic, nor do I deliver messages on a regular basis for the deceased. It is not my role in this incarnation. I told him there were others that could do this for him. Then he left and was gone as quickly as he arrived.
I will finish this story tomorrow.
K.
