Monday, January 31
"I am the center of the Universe..."
Once again I'm blown away...isn't life amazing?! So I forgot to say in the circle yesterday that I had been waiting for my oil and stones, until the day before the talking circle. I was excited to put the stones on, to say the least. I meant to look at what the healing properties of the stones were the day they arrived but I was too interested in "looking at my mail" (on the slope mail is an abstract connection to the "real" world) that I forgot. Today I looked. I'm not sure, just another miracle I guess, but I was dumbfounded with the connection I have with the stones.
www.sobrietystones.com/resources/GemBook/Stones/meanings_gemstones_jade.htm
www.sobrietystones.com/resources/GemBook/Stones/meanings_gemstones_amazonite.htm
My focus while I'm in this process, primarily, is to change my current view from "I am the center of the Universe" to one of Love, Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Living in my heart. These are my intentions and with the willingness I possess and the grace of Great Spirit I will succeed.
Throughout my life I have been the only one of my focus. As hard as that is to admit it's true. After I was moved to my Dad's house when I was 2 I was his only kid. My Mom had my sister but she is ten years older than me so I don't really know her that well. She moved out when she was 16 anyway. The point is I was basically an only child. I had step siblings for a bit of my life, but mostly just me. I came to expect things from people. Like I was entitled. Entitled to love, attention, the center of their world. I didn't want for anything material in my life and new that on a monitary level my needs would be met. What I wasn't getting was the love I desired so deeply from my Parents. No affection, no play, no connection...
Needless to say that gave me the gift of connecting to the Earth. I went outside all the time to play by myself. I was good at being by myself...It made me resent of my parents though. This reflection has come full circle again in my relationships. I'm not good at being by myself hence this entity/addiction I've been relying/coping with for so long. I place this misdirected resentment on the ones that truely do show me love now in my life. Both Zar, my second to youngest kiddo, and my wife especially. They, the innocent, are the target of my void of love. The void I've held onto until now. I've recognized it and with my intentions, a lot of thought awareness, and the help from guidance it will dissipate and be filled. It is being replaced as I type this, as I think about and feel these feelings. I'm grateful today for this lesson. I get to love myself and spill that over to my Family. How exciting!
www.sobrietystones.com/resources/GemBook/Stones/meanings_gemstones_jade.htm
www.sobrietystones.com/resources/GemBook/Stones/meanings_gemstones_amazonite.htm
My focus while I'm in this process, primarily, is to change my current view from "I am the center of the Universe" to one of Love, Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Living in my heart. These are my intentions and with the willingness I possess and the grace of Great Spirit I will succeed.
Throughout my life I have been the only one of my focus. As hard as that is to admit it's true. After I was moved to my Dad's house when I was 2 I was his only kid. My Mom had my sister but she is ten years older than me so I don't really know her that well. She moved out when she was 16 anyway. The point is I was basically an only child. I had step siblings for a bit of my life, but mostly just me. I came to expect things from people. Like I was entitled. Entitled to love, attention, the center of their world. I didn't want for anything material in my life and new that on a monitary level my needs would be met. What I wasn't getting was the love I desired so deeply from my Parents. No affection, no play, no connection...
Needless to say that gave me the gift of connecting to the Earth. I went outside all the time to play by myself. I was good at being by myself...It made me resent of my parents though. This reflection has come full circle again in my relationships. I'm not good at being by myself hence this entity/addiction I've been relying/coping with for so long. I place this misdirected resentment on the ones that truely do show me love now in my life. Both Zar, my second to youngest kiddo, and my wife especially. They, the innocent, are the target of my void of love. The void I've held onto until now. I've recognized it and with my intentions, a lot of thought awareness, and the help from guidance it will dissipate and be filled. It is being replaced as I type this, as I think about and feel these feelings. I'm grateful today for this lesson. I get to love myself and spill that over to my Family. How exciting!
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