So after the meeting I've had some swift realizations. I'm where I need to be for one but more positively I'm where I want to be. In the meeting Blew Thunder mentioned something about setting a high bar for himself. Out of the whole meeting that for me is what stuck clearly...badgering me (no pun intended) hahahaha. We, as a family, have talked about Michelle has set a bar to a level that is at the utmost of aspirations. I see now that it is all about choices and following the ideal at times. Amazingly as Blew spoke about looking at someone else and seeing how "more advanced" they are in their own process aka looking up to them, I have always felt less than. Why do I limit myself to being not good enough I ask? Because I have been given a contract that I embraced to do just enough to get by.
This meeting started the ball rolling for my guidance to kick in and really ask some obvious questions. I wrote in my book the next day, read a little, and spent some time just with and for me. Tuesday I was guided to do a reading. I received some new cards from Michelle for Christmas and use them when I feel like it and not always when I'm "told" to use them. That day I used them and received hilarity frankly. The messages I got from this reading were from Badger reversed (hahahaha) saying "Open your eyes crazy man, look at the big picture, get out of you own damn way." Another from Elk saying pay attention to your dreams and except self love. I received in the West direction the sweatlodge ceremony card, not coincidentally it says look at yourself for what you are and make the changes you want to make to be who you want to be...it's that simple.
Ok, Ok now moving on throughout Tuesday I thought about all of these things plus a bit more and decided to play a little drum and go into the medicine wheel. I prayed with my son and showed him a way to give thanks and make offerings to the directions. We spent about an hour and a half there but it felt like a minute.
Now last night I have this dream of only crickets and me drawing a bow and arrow. I laughed at how the crickets tickled my body. I couldn't believe how focused I became when I drew the arrow back releasing it at a target with a big red heart on it. So feeling the simple joy of the tickley crickets and the focus of the "heart" of the problem, which I found is me not following my heart it made for some great lessons and a new focus. The focus being that I'm allowed to set the bar at what ever level I want and I'm allowed to achieve that level by being true to myself.
I feel like what I've gotten myself into is looking at the same issues with the same set of eyes...not looking at the big picture. Also the heart on the target represents the correct path and the ease of following the arrow. Ultimately I'm excited for where I'm at in the West, with only one day left. Then I can join the rest of the group in the North whole heartedly as I will be fully there. Upward and onward, the last few days were a great few days for lessons.
Thanks
Eagle Eye
