I woke up early to a beautiful Alaskan spring day, sunny, clear, the forecast predicting low 60's. I lay in bed for a while looking out my window in awe of the sky waiting for that surge of morning energy to motivate me out of bed. It came in a surprise pouncing form this morning as my sisters dog Toby came bouncing in a jumped up to cuddle and say good morning. I decided to get up and venture out into the day with Tobes for a long morning walk. Leash in one hand journal in the other we began my favorite walk to a piece of undeveloped property near by with the most incredible view of the inlet and mountains and a tree that I love to sit under and write. Unfortunately, when we arrived we accidental stumbled upon a baby moose and as we turned to leave we nearly bumped into the mother who was not amused by how close we were in proximity to her calf. She gave me a warning stare then took several more aggressive warning steps towards us. We quickly turned and headed back the way we came and I expressed my apologizes and blessing of love and light in their direction.
When I got home I gave Toby his treats for being such a good boy on the walk then made myself breakfast. I was having a weird craving this morning for toast with peanut butter, honey and bananas, something I hardly ever eat but fortunately had all the ingredients for, and a cup of earl grey. Even after the beautiful walk I was feeling a little bit off, like I couldn't quite access enough energy to stimulate myself to go out and engage in all the things I had designated for that day.
It was mid-morning now but I could feel the sensation of relaxation coming over me. This wasn't the first time and I am now honoring these days and surges in Mother Earths energy which ironically put me into a comatose state. I went back to bed to finish reading the book I had started the week before and did some quick dowsing. Checking in with my physical body and getting clear on what I was experiencing, it's always the same cause and symptoms but I always check just to be sure.
Extreme exhaustion in a moment as if I had been hit by a tranquilizer gun the cause always dowses as 100% from the surges in Mother Earths energy field.
I could fight it but I feel these coma like states are essential to my integration and given that I have the time to allow myself to succumb to them and rest when I feel these urges coming on I choose the simpler route and surrender.
So I laid back down in my bed, it was about 1:00 now, and stare out the window at the sun and cloudless blue sky, I let the guilt of not being outside dissipate because I know I am being called to rest and I honor what my body is asking me for I've come too far to kill this moment with feelings of guilt and shame and what it is I think I should be doing. I crack the window for some fresh air, lower the blinds just enough so that the blaring sun doesn't blind and melt me while I rest and close my eyes to sleep away this glorious spring day.
I woke up six hours later, ravenous and dehydrated as if I had just worked a full day in the field and then some? I drug myself out of bed and made a quick pot of tomato soup and 2 veggie filled wraps, downed a quart of water and still wanted more then went back up-stairs to lay down and wait, for what I don't know?
I have gotten into the habit of doing my blue road heeling's in the shower with the assistance of the water spirits for cleansing and purification purposes. So now shower time is blue road healing time and I do it everyday because why not and who knows what and where I pick things up. All I know for sure is that I feel so incredible when I get out like I am re-born brand new after every shower it's enough of a reason for me to honor and stick to this ritual.
And now, showered, fed and rejuvenated I am all ready for bed, maybe a movie?
The old me would have cringed at a day so utterly "wasted" but the new me knows waaayyy to much about the impotence of self love and care. I listen and value my bodies wisdom above that of my intellectual mind and so though on the surface it would seem that I have accomplished nothing today I know it was a glorious day well spent!
I am in my blue circle.
Tuesday, May 4
Mayan Connection
At the hospital my brother Francisco has a sitter 24 hours a day to make sure he does not harm himself. Usually they are from another country. I have been asking each one where they are from figuring that one day one is going to say "Guatemala." Today it happened! This lovely black-skinned woman Karla is from the east coastal area of Guatemala and has not been back since 1989 because it is too dangerous with gangs. We talked about her childhood, how she loved her homeland and some difficult experiences she had. She was excited for Frank to wake up from dosing to talk to her about Guatemala since they both love the country so much. When I left, Karla and I hugged. I felt an awesome tingle light up my heart! I felt unusually comfortable. I think she gave me a heart-opening gift. She later told me she felt unusually comfortable in our embrace too. I believe she will be a key in Frank's healing and that we will be getting to know her a lot better. She said there are few Guatemalans in Anchorage but she has two sisters with families here. One sister works on Frank's hospital floor and she will introduce them. She will also be back tomorrow to look over Frank as a sitter. After tomorrow Karla said she will stop in to visit and talk about Guatemala. YES! Thank you to the Mayan spirits who brought beautiful Karla!
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