I am truly in awe of the level of transparency and sharing that is emerging within the blogging circle. In years past, it seems like it took longer to get to this place, maybe people would finally share deeply by the end of the south direction. This year it is moving much more quickly, and I commend all of us for breaking through the old limitations.
My week offered an opportunity to experience completion yet again. Many years ago, I had the blessing of studying with an elder Hawaiian Kahuna named Raschelle-Lei. She was one of those enlightened ones that made people feel and experience life differently just being in her presence.
When I first met her, she told me right away that there would be a beginning, a middle, and an end to our work together. She was preparing me right at the beginning, so I would not carry a false expectation of her. And just as she had said, we worked together for around a year, then abruptly it was complete. She moved across the country and I completely lost touch with her.
Not being really comfortable with endings or completions, I secretly wondered whether I had offended her or done something "wrong" that caused this break in communication. Yet I knew in my heart that nothing had changed between us, just that the time for a teacher of her level in my life was gone. It was now time for me to step up to the plate and embody all she had passed on to me, time to become my own guru and develop my own divine guidance and connection. Two years later, she contacted me briefly once again, as she was getting ready to leave the earth, and passed on to me the great honor of leadership of the White Raven Lodge. Within a few weeks, she passed out of this plane of existence and continued her work in the spirit world.
This week, I received an e-mail from a person whom I had worked together with in her healing and ascension process. A couple of years ago, I received guidance that our time together was complete, and I needed to honor the completion with this person. Completion is still sometimes my most challenging event, and I am not sure if I did it very gracefully, but I did communicate my need for completion and went on with life.
In the e-mail, she asked me if she had done something that offended me--expressing the same doubts that I had felt when completing my journey with Raschelle-Lei! I was able to communicate my truth and explain my reason for creating an ending. I am not certain how it will be received, but am sure it will create some clarity for this person, and at the very least, allowed me to speak my truth, and to once again face the discomfort that accompanies endings and completions. It is a gift and a growth opportunity.
Yang Jiaou Mai--The Vocation Palace
Patterns and blockages in the Vocation Palace channel originate in present time; how we are living now. So often we forget that our happiness, evolution, and life experience is influenced most by the very way we are living our lives. If we are working in this channel, we may want to ask ourselves to consider the following:
*Are we acting on our truth? Are we acting on our desires? Are we taking action in our daily lives to create the life we want to live?
*Do we have discomfort or judgement about the world--do we always see it in a negative light, or believe it is getting worse?
*Do we know what we want or need to do, but feel afraid to do it?
Patterns in this channel will often create symptoms of extremes; attraction to extreme climates; weight gain and weight loss; thyroid imbalance; and any form of imbalance or disequilibrium in any area of life. The curriculum inherent in this palace involves integrating the ability to act on our dreams and desires. Here we learn to really live our life purpose, and do what we love in life. We must learn to act on inner wisdom and higher guidance, and trust that we will be supported when we do what we love.
When we reach a state of neutrality in this palace, we are doing exactly what we came here to do, and we absolutely know it! It is an ecstatic feeling of being in perfect alignment with life. Our work--regardless of what it may be--is no longer work to us. It is our life's work, filled with passion and purpose. We accept the world, feel a part of it, and feel a contribution to making it a better place. We trust ourselves to take actions to make our dreams become a reality.
Friday, January 28
Perspective
First I have to say "YEAH CRYSTAL RAVEN!" "My comfort zone is definitely working face-to-face in a group and the online/blogging requires more of me to be present to myself, a particular challenge for me." Screw the COMFORT ZONE get after it and shake it up! Love it! Be the tambourine! This advice directly from Blew Thunder in a conversation I had with both Kachina and him yesterday.
So flood gates be open... the perspective I received in that conversation was simple. Very simple. Quit being the victim. For me part of this journey is dealing with abandonment issues, another part forgiveness of self, another is knowing that I am enough and I do love myself, and yet another still is addiction (which is a tricky bastard).
The victim: I am not a victim of my reality. The consequences of my actions are solely brought to me by me. I am the attractant. I am required to take responsibility for my reality or I will be spinning my wheels for as long as it takes to "get a grip." That was a tough one to wrap my head around.
Abandonment: My parents seperated when I was 18 months old and my Mother couldn't take care of me any more so she gave me to my Dad when I was 24 months. They were fighting the entire time I was in the womb and that has only set up for me the feeling of guilt and blame. I've felt my entire life (unknowingly until yesterday) that it was my fault my parents divorced. I'm coming to terms with this. As of now it still chokes me up. I know in my head it's not my fault...it's my heart that needs to really know it though.
Forgiveness: This is where I forgive myself. Still working on it but it has been acknowledged. I am honored to have gotten this lesson expecially in such an "in your face way." It came gently from BT and K but there is no running away from this either. Can't run away from what I know, tried it-not fun. I'm no longer beating myself up over the lessons I'm getting but choosing to look at them with gratitude. It's not easy, in fact it's exhausting, but I have been assured that it will become easier.
Enoughness and Love: This is where I become a person living in my heart. I am a few days behind everyone I believe, I'm at day 13. The question "what changes would you make if you could make any changes you desired?" Well for me to attain the feeling of being enough and deserving love all of these things that I have spoken of need to start rolling. I'm ready and willing, I'm pushing the stone off the hill and watching it roll. Through guidance and Great Spirit I know that all of this is possible. As I have been told I can write my own future.
Addiction: My final crux, addiction. I've had an entity residing in me since I was, well forever. He (it) has helped me survive with loneliness, abandonment, negativity, the lack of communication from my family, and life. It has given me the gift of keeping myself totally cut off from my emotions, and frankly reality. I have a sex addiction. I've miscontrued sex/attention with love. That has made it impossible to have a real intimate relationship with anyone, including myself. It became the escape. I was able to run away from anything that was a challenge in my life with some form of sex. In the beginning I found anyone that would "give it up". I bounced from one meaningless relationship to another and within relationships I cheated on them. Obviously hurting myself and them. I sought prostitutes, random hook-ups, one night stands, D all the above. I've been wreckless with my life and it has affected the relationships I've had including the one I'm in now. The reality of my current situation is that if I don't turn around and look at my past, acknowledge my faults, forgive myself, learn to deserve love because I AM enough, and then continue with the future I envision with gratitude, it will lead me down the path that I've gone too many times before. It's do or die time right now...and I'm not dying. With that said I have a lot to work on, but I don't feel daunted. I've learned to embrace these lessons. Now I'm just moving forward with gratitude for them and as BT says becoming the miracle.
So flood gates be open... the perspective I received in that conversation was simple. Very simple. Quit being the victim. For me part of this journey is dealing with abandonment issues, another part forgiveness of self, another is knowing that I am enough and I do love myself, and yet another still is addiction (which is a tricky bastard).
The victim: I am not a victim of my reality. The consequences of my actions are solely brought to me by me. I am the attractant. I am required to take responsibility for my reality or I will be spinning my wheels for as long as it takes to "get a grip." That was a tough one to wrap my head around.
Abandonment: My parents seperated when I was 18 months old and my Mother couldn't take care of me any more so she gave me to my Dad when I was 24 months. They were fighting the entire time I was in the womb and that has only set up for me the feeling of guilt and blame. I've felt my entire life (unknowingly until yesterday) that it was my fault my parents divorced. I'm coming to terms with this. As of now it still chokes me up. I know in my head it's not my fault...it's my heart that needs to really know it though.
Forgiveness: This is where I forgive myself. Still working on it but it has been acknowledged. I am honored to have gotten this lesson expecially in such an "in your face way." It came gently from BT and K but there is no running away from this either. Can't run away from what I know, tried it-not fun. I'm no longer beating myself up over the lessons I'm getting but choosing to look at them with gratitude. It's not easy, in fact it's exhausting, but I have been assured that it will become easier.
Enoughness and Love: This is where I become a person living in my heart. I am a few days behind everyone I believe, I'm at day 13. The question "what changes would you make if you could make any changes you desired?" Well for me to attain the feeling of being enough and deserving love all of these things that I have spoken of need to start rolling. I'm ready and willing, I'm pushing the stone off the hill and watching it roll. Through guidance and Great Spirit I know that all of this is possible. As I have been told I can write my own future.
Addiction: My final crux, addiction. I've had an entity residing in me since I was, well forever. He (it) has helped me survive with loneliness, abandonment, negativity, the lack of communication from my family, and life. It has given me the gift of keeping myself totally cut off from my emotions, and frankly reality. I have a sex addiction. I've miscontrued sex/attention with love. That has made it impossible to have a real intimate relationship with anyone, including myself. It became the escape. I was able to run away from anything that was a challenge in my life with some form of sex. In the beginning I found anyone that would "give it up". I bounced from one meaningless relationship to another and within relationships I cheated on them. Obviously hurting myself and them. I sought prostitutes, random hook-ups, one night stands, D all the above. I've been wreckless with my life and it has affected the relationships I've had including the one I'm in now. The reality of my current situation is that if I don't turn around and look at my past, acknowledge my faults, forgive myself, learn to deserve love because I AM enough, and then continue with the future I envision with gratitude, it will lead me down the path that I've gone too many times before. It's do or die time right now...and I'm not dying. With that said I have a lot to work on, but I don't feel daunted. I've learned to embrace these lessons. Now I'm just moving forward with gratitude for them and as BT says becoming the miracle.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)