I walk gently, recognizing the pattern of my mind. I cannot figure it out, I cannot rationalize or logically understand how everything is going to work out. There is no way to do that, it is quite literally impossible. Because no matter what my brain thinks up, the path I am on is illuminated by a force, greater then the aspect of my mind that I have access to. To attempt to "understand" and plan leads me to a wall of panic, stress and doubt, EVERY TIME!
I am noticing the pattern and I am now able to recognize how I can influence the scattered emotions of my egos mind. And they are all right here in this present moment. Every time I allow myself to go down the road of "how is this all going to work out" and attempt to sit down and make a list of the steps and ways in which it will all unfold, I am hit with the panic button. Each idea I think up leads me to a road block or dead end because the root of each idea is connected to some sort of self-sacrifice and repression in order to gain something. money but at the sacrifice of my passion, love at the sacrifice of my freedom, recognition at the sacrifice of my integrity. Until I stop and recognize that tomorrow doesn't matter, tomorrow never comes and the more I fixate on tomorrow, the more I miss my opportunities of today, to create through present moment actions the results my heart desires for tomorrow. The actions can be as grand as booking clients and networking myself (if that is what I am called and guided to do) or as "simple" as setting intentions and feeling gratitude for all the gifts that are present in this moment, in my life right now.
I am identifying a misperseption I have of the word action. Up to this point I have viewed action as a very yang or male energy. To me it meant go, do something, get out there and accomplish whatever it is that you've been thinking about, it meant very much engaging in the world and other people, a very hands on, exerted energy. Which I might add always made me feel depleted just at the thought of it, so I avoided action all together. I am now realizing that action through intention setting, consistent use of affirmation, visualizing, making offerings, expressing gratitude etc are all ways to take action outwardly. And are all very effective ways to create positive change in ones life.
Yesterday I was freaking out, again. Money worries, self-doubt, questions of how, how how? The more I thought, the more despair I felt. Then like a lightning bolt, which I'm embarrassed to say has hit me many times before, I was again reminded of where I was. Here in the present moment. I was offered an assignment, for the duration of the South. Each morning when I go out to make my offering, well lets be honest, first off each morning I am to go out and make an offering, I am to ask "what action can I take today to assist me on my path?" and then do it.
That's where I am in this moment. That is as far as I've gotten.
For today I am being still and centered in gratitude. Again I am reminded, today I am healthy, I have a roof over my head, a cozy bed, beautiful vibrant food to eat, people who love me and all the earth I can explore! Why waste my time in worry when I can immerse myself in such a wonderful present moment experience?
Monday, March 15
Progress, Not Perfection
I have been Blewing Thunder again, down here in the South!! I am just getting back into rhythm after a great visit with Kathryn's folks and family. It was probably the first time in that family setting without experiencing any kharmic exchanges, which I attribute to my progress in the last three years of the 90 Day Program.
After 900 miles put on the odometer, and lots of time to review, I am recognizing and realizing the progress I have made. I am being able to relate to each and every one of those that have been BLOGging and reaffirming how similar every one of us are. And relating to those who have not BLOGged, understanding how you feel.
For some of you that know me, you might think it is easy for me to talk. Well guess what! A little over 24 years ago, I sobered up. Through a 12 step program, and the group meetings, I was encouraged to share what was going on in my life. Filled with terror, I spoke anyway, often with armpits around my neck and sometimes concerned about wetting pants! Just pure terror. But more than anything else, I wanted to sober up and heal my life.
It took me the longest time to learn to get out of my head and into my heart. My ego kept me in my head. Bucky Fuller talked about ego suicide. He said this is where we could truly get into our life's work. I was told that is what would help me heal the old wounds.
The next level of terror came from when I had to look at myself and write down a moral inventory of me. Then I had to share it with another human being. I was so scared that I didn't think that I could do it honestly. But here again, I was told that if I did this, the compulsion for me to drink and do drugs would leave me. I was only as sick as my secrets.
Once again, the most important thing for me was that I wanted to live a life of quality. I wanted to live my life's work. The only way I could get present was to heal the wreckage of my past. For over 7 years I went to 12 step meetings and I learned a new way of living. It came through listening to other people share all of the events in their lives; the good, the bad, and the ugly. As a result of that, I came to understand how alike we all are. I learned who I was by hearing the stories of others.
Through another workshop I went to years ago, one thing that stands out for me, was how to release kharma. In talking with Kathryn, as she has assisted me in writing this post, she pointed out once again the medicine wheel; the equation "thoughts" (female left hand raised above the head) in the EAST, "feeling" (through the heart) in the SOUTH, "spoken word" (right hand down towards Mother Earth) in the WEST, and "emracing it with gratitude and enthusiasm" (hands encircled) in the NORTH; visualize a lightening bolt entering through the left hand, passing through the heart and out through the right hand into the ground, then encircling the whole.
The biggest key is having a witness to the spoken words. The witness is where the freedom comes, because another human being has heard, along with the creator. We can also honor artful disclosure, the wisdom to know the difference of when to share and who to share with. The more I can share and the more humble I can get, the more people I can assist in understanding that we are all one heart, truly. The paradox is the purest form of healing.
I was also told that if I wanted to keep this freedom, I would have to share this freedom with others. While down south with Kathryn's family, I got to notice the challenge that my brother-in-law has with alcohol, and the constant bickering between he and his wife, because of alcohol. Today I can see how much it is because of alcohol. Both of them are wonderful people, yet the kharmic exchange that gets locked in makes it almost impossible to get out.
And so what Kathryn and I did was to show them a different way to live. Not through promotion, just as a result of observing how we live as partners. We felt good about what we had to share with them, our true essence. And they had tears in their eyes and said "Thank you" when we had our good-byes.
I was once told that if I can see progress in someone else, then that means I am healing too-because I am the last one to be able to see myself. So I keep moving towards spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection. And that is part of how the blue circle came to be.
So I truly thank those that have shared. Our true desire is to create a safe space here, where people feel supported to share. In Anchorage we could hold a physical space for this, and our intention is for recreating this here. A safe and neutral space.
And I thank my Ancestors for giving me the courage to share. Aho.
Blew Thunder
After 900 miles put on the odometer, and lots of time to review, I am recognizing and realizing the progress I have made. I am being able to relate to each and every one of those that have been BLOGging and reaffirming how similar every one of us are. And relating to those who have not BLOGged, understanding how you feel.
For some of you that know me, you might think it is easy for me to talk. Well guess what! A little over 24 years ago, I sobered up. Through a 12 step program, and the group meetings, I was encouraged to share what was going on in my life. Filled with terror, I spoke anyway, often with armpits around my neck and sometimes concerned about wetting pants! Just pure terror. But more than anything else, I wanted to sober up and heal my life.
It took me the longest time to learn to get out of my head and into my heart. My ego kept me in my head. Bucky Fuller talked about ego suicide. He said this is where we could truly get into our life's work. I was told that is what would help me heal the old wounds.
The next level of terror came from when I had to look at myself and write down a moral inventory of me. Then I had to share it with another human being. I was so scared that I didn't think that I could do it honestly. But here again, I was told that if I did this, the compulsion for me to drink and do drugs would leave me. I was only as sick as my secrets.
Once again, the most important thing for me was that I wanted to live a life of quality. I wanted to live my life's work. The only way I could get present was to heal the wreckage of my past. For over 7 years I went to 12 step meetings and I learned a new way of living. It came through listening to other people share all of the events in their lives; the good, the bad, and the ugly. As a result of that, I came to understand how alike we all are. I learned who I was by hearing the stories of others.
Through another workshop I went to years ago, one thing that stands out for me, was how to release kharma. In talking with Kathryn, as she has assisted me in writing this post, she pointed out once again the medicine wheel; the equation "thoughts" (female left hand raised above the head) in the EAST, "feeling" (through the heart) in the SOUTH, "spoken word" (right hand down towards Mother Earth) in the WEST, and "emracing it with gratitude and enthusiasm" (hands encircled) in the NORTH; visualize a lightening bolt entering through the left hand, passing through the heart and out through the right hand into the ground, then encircling the whole.
The biggest key is having a witness to the spoken words. The witness is where the freedom comes, because another human being has heard, along with the creator. We can also honor artful disclosure, the wisdom to know the difference of when to share and who to share with. The more I can share and the more humble I can get, the more people I can assist in understanding that we are all one heart, truly. The paradox is the purest form of healing.
I was also told that if I wanted to keep this freedom, I would have to share this freedom with others. While down south with Kathryn's family, I got to notice the challenge that my brother-in-law has with alcohol, and the constant bickering between he and his wife, because of alcohol. Today I can see how much it is because of alcohol. Both of them are wonderful people, yet the kharmic exchange that gets locked in makes it almost impossible to get out.
And so what Kathryn and I did was to show them a different way to live. Not through promotion, just as a result of observing how we live as partners. We felt good about what we had to share with them, our true essence. And they had tears in their eyes and said "Thank you" when we had our good-byes.
I was once told that if I can see progress in someone else, then that means I am healing too-because I am the last one to be able to see myself. So I keep moving towards spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection. And that is part of how the blue circle came to be.
So I truly thank those that have shared. Our true desire is to create a safe space here, where people feel supported to share. In Anchorage we could hold a physical space for this, and our intention is for recreating this here. A safe and neutral space.
And I thank my Ancestors for giving me the courage to share. Aho.
Blew Thunder
The South
Here we are in the South direction now. I am already having opportunities to TAKE ACTION as we move through this direction.
Sometimes these opportunities involve making a difficult choice, or a hard communication. When this happens, I have learned to feel gratitude for this, because it means I am in the right place. It means that I am willing to act with courage, the transmutational emotion of the heart.
I commend all of you who are sharing your process on the BLOG. It takes courage to pick up the talking stick time after time and let people see you. I will say that each of you contributes an amazing energy and perspective to the group. You have inspired me, and it does not matter how short or long your communications are. The fact is that you have connected and brought forth your essence into this group arena. Thank you!
I also thank those of you who are choosing to observe. For some of us, it is a challenge simply to find the time to log on and read the blog every day. This too is taking an action toward positive change.
I have recently received a few opportunities to TRUST my own DISCERNMENT once again. These are opportunities of the South, and the guides tell me that as we develop greater trust, our discernment becomes stronger as well. They are two sides of the same coin.
Three days ago I awakened with a chant going through my mind. It is a series of sacred sounds (sounds like an Eastern language) that are designed to assist in merging the physical cellular body with the 5D light body. I was told that it would be very beneficial to chant this chant while standing near the second harmonizer, every morning for a period of time. I decided that today on the New Moon is the day to begin. Another opportunity to take action!
As a last thought, there has been at least one person that has had a challenge getting on the BLOG. If there is anyone else out there who is trying to post and can not get it to work, please do e-mail me!
Gratitude to all,
Kachina
Sometimes these opportunities involve making a difficult choice, or a hard communication. When this happens, I have learned to feel gratitude for this, because it means I am in the right place. It means that I am willing to act with courage, the transmutational emotion of the heart.
I commend all of you who are sharing your process on the BLOG. It takes courage to pick up the talking stick time after time and let people see you. I will say that each of you contributes an amazing energy and perspective to the group. You have inspired me, and it does not matter how short or long your communications are. The fact is that you have connected and brought forth your essence into this group arena. Thank you!
I also thank those of you who are choosing to observe. For some of us, it is a challenge simply to find the time to log on and read the blog every day. This too is taking an action toward positive change.
I have recently received a few opportunities to TRUST my own DISCERNMENT once again. These are opportunities of the South, and the guides tell me that as we develop greater trust, our discernment becomes stronger as well. They are two sides of the same coin.
Three days ago I awakened with a chant going through my mind. It is a series of sacred sounds (sounds like an Eastern language) that are designed to assist in merging the physical cellular body with the 5D light body. I was told that it would be very beneficial to chant this chant while standing near the second harmonizer, every morning for a period of time. I decided that today on the New Moon is the day to begin. Another opportunity to take action!
As a last thought, there has been at least one person that has had a challenge getting on the BLOG. If there is anyone else out there who is trying to post and can not get it to work, please do e-mail me!
Gratitude to all,
Kachina
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