I am in transitions with the financial system, with financial security as I know it and have known it up to this point. It is an interesting and challenging place to be. I just recently recognized the process (I've been in it and in major denial for a year) that I am going through and since that realization have been able to relax a little more into the experiences that come with it.
I remember when I first began this self-inquiry journey 4 years ago the first step was to take back my personal healing power and let go of the western health care system. So I opted not to get heath insurance, whenever I get sick I recognize it as the bodies natural cleansing and use the tools and remedies that I have learned to assist in my healing process. I haven't been to a doctor or dentist in three years and feel amazing, as only I know what is best for me. I do recognize the value in these systems but feel there is an element of control and abuse that is predominant and participating in it wasn't the best choice for me.
Second, I had to let go of the education system and belief that the only way to create substantial success was to have a degree. Given how I was raised, I never really believed in that one anyway but there was a subconscious part of me that held onto a little bit of doubt. Ironically I was in my first month of college when I met Kathryn Sharp and upon that first meeting I decided to drop out of school and proceed to follow my feelings and learn and study from her. That was the beginning of the wild and crazy journey of the last 4 years. I've gone all over and studied with many amazing teacher, experienced amazing things, grown in incredible ways and above all I got to meet myself. Something I've never seen advertised for college educations.
Not all of these decision were well received by my parents but I was on a new path and part of the requirements was to look at all the tribal beliefs that I had been raised with and pick and choose which ones resonated with me and which ones I was willing to walk away from and then do it.
Now, I have moved on to the financial aspect. Which I have to say is the one that scares me the most and probably why I put it off for so long. I have $37.00 in the bank, that's all! No savings, no secret pile of cash in case of emergencies, nada. I am living on trust, since the guidance that has come in is still giving me a no on going back to work. I have been guided to begin taking steps to create the type of work I want when the time is right but for now I am to relax and trust in the process. BIG assignment, close to impossible.
I spent several months freaking out, up all night running lists of my expenses in my head and watching as my small security blanket shrunk away to nothing. Then what? What do I do now?
I stop and breath, I let go a little more and I realized I am here now. Today all my needs are met. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, people who love me, food to eat, nature to walk in...what else do I need? Tomorrow I may have $0.00 in my account but I will still have all of those other things. So now until I am guided to the next step in regards to being self-sufficient, I walk in complete trust that any additional needs will be provided. I completely believe that and know that since I am listening I will be taken care of.
A huge shift has come in for me since beginning the 90 days in regards to my relationship with the financial system. And I am really feeling this trust that all will be okay and as I sink into that feeling more and more and express gratitude for what I have in this moment I am shown the support of the universe.
I have to let go of the beliefs that:
Having money makes me more valuable as a person.
Having money is the only way to feel safe and secure in life.
Having financial success is the only way to validate my integrity and quality of my work to the world.
That money will always be there in bulk, so to speak, if I am true to my path/heart.
Now I am seeing there is an ebb and flow to financial support. Sometimes its abundant sometimes not so much but that both places are safe and necessary. It is a great place to slow down and become centered and reevaluate personal choices, reconnect to the universe and ask for assistance.
I feel it has really allowed me to become more efficient in the way I live and to live more simply.
It is also a very humbling place to be, asking and accepting assistance from others, being open and willing to receive support in whichever way it comes, is probably the hardest part for me.
I (up to this point) was of the mentality "I am a woman hear me roar!" In other words I can take care of myself and don't need help from anyone! I had to prove myself and now I am learning that it is beneficial to both give and receive and to find the balance in those two acts. And also knowing that accepting assistance doesn't make you weak but that there is a powerful energy exchange in both the act of giving and the act of receiving. Side note, this time around I am working on the prosperity and wealth channels, coincidence? Working through my financial fears is a HUGE piece for me!
So for today I give gratitude for the nature spirits, the snow, oatmeal, friends and family, the 90 day process and group, my cozy bed, yoga and gift of this earth walk and all the lessons, initiations and blessings that come with. I, with all of my soul and being, believe that I create my reality so for today I am abundant!
Wednesday, March 10
Shifts
I am here at my 7 day advanced animal communication class with Carol Gurney, an expert in the field. Carol is a great instructor, very professional, and requires us to get tons of validation and confirmation, which is both terrifying (in case we get things wrong) and unbelievably amazing (when we get things right). I am having an amazing time! Like I mentioned, Carol is very professional, deliberating staying away from "woo-woo words" when she teaches (chakras, psychic, etc.) because she feels none of those words are pertinent to talking with animals, and I have to agree with her. Not that Carol doesn't believe in them, she just uses discernment when interacting with a group. Amazingly, even people who are open to talking with animals may not believe in energy and so forth. With all this being said, I was fascinated to learn yesterday that she uses dowsing extensively in her practice but doesn't share that information with her clients. She uses it only for body scanning after actually talking to an animal, but still! I was so excited to learn that, which was just another confirmation for me about that part of my life. Also, she mentioned that if we were interested, she has a friend who hosts a "very safe" sweat lodge! Who knew? She is a professional business woman, very "type A" and scientific, and I never would have guessed. I have been getting validations everywhere about what Michael and Kathryn have taught me.
I have noticed changes in myself since being here. I would say that I am out of my typical comfort zone, traveling or being in a group without at least one of my sisters with me. I knew no one when I came here, and I have found myself interacting very differently with people than I would have thought. I am normally kind of shy and reserved when I don't know people, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore (yay!). I find myself approaching the other women and am truly interested in them, and have made some good friends. I have also noticed that I am much less attached to what others think of me than I ever have been in the past, which means that I am not afraid to be who I am. I attribute all of this to this 90 day journey. The changes might sound subtle, but they are huge for me!
Finally, there is an observation that I have made since being here. Actually, I can't tell if it is an observation or a judgement. Either way, I am in a group of women, most of whom are quite conscious and aware of "things" (hypnotherapists, Reiki masters, etc.). My observation is that most don't seem to be aware of the high-frequency food part of life, the part that Kathryn teaches. There is one girl who has been a vegan for 26 years, which is great, but I sense a depletion in her. Many others have health issues left and right, and are trying to be health conscious but perhaps don't have the correct info? It's just interesting, and I am seeing a real need for this type (Core Foods) of information in the world. It is truly unique information.
Today, some friends and I are going to Malibu Beach, which is where I am sensing the programmed crystal is going to be placed. Thank goodness, because there is nothing but concrete around here and I was beginning to wonder. In light, Earth Song
I have noticed changes in myself since being here. I would say that I am out of my typical comfort zone, traveling or being in a group without at least one of my sisters with me. I knew no one when I came here, and I have found myself interacting very differently with people than I would have thought. I am normally kind of shy and reserved when I don't know people, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore (yay!). I find myself approaching the other women and am truly interested in them, and have made some good friends. I have also noticed that I am much less attached to what others think of me than I ever have been in the past, which means that I am not afraid to be who I am. I attribute all of this to this 90 day journey. The changes might sound subtle, but they are huge for me!
Finally, there is an observation that I have made since being here. Actually, I can't tell if it is an observation or a judgement. Either way, I am in a group of women, most of whom are quite conscious and aware of "things" (hypnotherapists, Reiki masters, etc.). My observation is that most don't seem to be aware of the high-frequency food part of life, the part that Kathryn teaches. There is one girl who has been a vegan for 26 years, which is great, but I sense a depletion in her. Many others have health issues left and right, and are trying to be health conscious but perhaps don't have the correct info? It's just interesting, and I am seeing a real need for this type (Core Foods) of information in the world. It is truly unique information.
Today, some friends and I are going to Malibu Beach, which is where I am sensing the programmed crystal is going to be placed. Thank goodness, because there is nothing but concrete around here and I was beginning to wonder. In light, Earth Song
Watching the Play of Energy
It is amazing spending just a few days with my original family, and getting to observe the ways that the family members use and dance with energy. I get to see the places where attention was (and still is) focused, the lenses and perspectives that were cultivated as I was growing up and forming my foundation for this life.
I had no idea how much I would learn about myself through visiting the family during the 90 day program. I have come to appreciate the gifts that came through this formative process so much more thnt I had in the past. I am realizing now how much of my experience has been colored by my own choices, even as child. It is all about what I chose inside the blue circle, even if my choices were unconscious at the time.
I can see other family members repeating the same unconscious patterns and how much power the group pattern has held over this family. Even when you can see the pattern clearly, it is a challenge to maintain consciousness when "submersed" in it. I am blessed with a second set of eyes and ears, through Blew Thunder, who can gently inform me when I begin to fall asleep-telling me that my body posture has changed, my head is being held differently, I am speaking or acting different from myself. These are clues for when I am beginning to go unconscious in the family pattern.
Today I setting the intention to stay fully conscious and present in all situations with family members. All my interactions come from love, truth, awareness and choice. I will let you know how this goes for me today. It feels like diving into a pool of black water where no one can see each other, and trying to communicate. And underneath the gummy black opacity are six powerful people who deeply desire to love each other. They (we) just have not figured out how to do so, or what that really means in this lifetime.
In the past I have energetically protected myself and stayed out of the black zone, just observing the play of energy without getting emotionally involved in their messy games. It was the only way I could stay in integrity and in my blue circle.
This time feels different. It is still like wearing a mask, since they can not share in the largest part of my life, care not to know about personal or planetary ascension, and are stubbornly attached to the family roles. But this time it feels as though none of that matters, and the guides keep telling me that there is a real silver lining opportunity here if I am willing to stay present through each moment.
Walk in Beauty
I had no idea how much I would learn about myself through visiting the family during the 90 day program. I have come to appreciate the gifts that came through this formative process so much more thnt I had in the past. I am realizing now how much of my experience has been colored by my own choices, even as child. It is all about what I chose inside the blue circle, even if my choices were unconscious at the time.
I can see other family members repeating the same unconscious patterns and how much power the group pattern has held over this family. Even when you can see the pattern clearly, it is a challenge to maintain consciousness when "submersed" in it. I am blessed with a second set of eyes and ears, through Blew Thunder, who can gently inform me when I begin to fall asleep-telling me that my body posture has changed, my head is being held differently, I am speaking or acting different from myself. These are clues for when I am beginning to go unconscious in the family pattern.
Today I setting the intention to stay fully conscious and present in all situations with family members. All my interactions come from love, truth, awareness and choice. I will let you know how this goes for me today. It feels like diving into a pool of black water where no one can see each other, and trying to communicate. And underneath the gummy black opacity are six powerful people who deeply desire to love each other. They (we) just have not figured out how to do so, or what that really means in this lifetime.
In the past I have energetically protected myself and stayed out of the black zone, just observing the play of energy without getting emotionally involved in their messy games. It was the only way I could stay in integrity and in my blue circle.
This time feels different. It is still like wearing a mask, since they can not share in the largest part of my life, care not to know about personal or planetary ascension, and are stubbornly attached to the family roles. But this time it feels as though none of that matters, and the guides keep telling me that there is a real silver lining opportunity here if I am willing to stay present through each moment.
Walk in Beauty
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