Truth and Gratitude for my Wife and Family

With the stories that I have told throughout my entire life it is coming full circle that the truth needs to be revealed. I have, even in the last 90 day journey I was in, told stories about my family life, wife, kids, mom, you name it. I painted a picture of my family being ungrateful and I always had to pick up the pieces. I told these stories to look like the victim as that was the way I looked at my own life. The bigger part here is I, in truth, was looking for some sort of sympathy or "attention" in any way that fed my entity, my addiction. I've learned that I tell stories in very sneaky ways including to myself. I remember in the last group that I made it look like my wife left me to do all of the work around the house. Keeping up with our 5 kids, working my split shifts, never sleeping, always feeling the brunt of all of the duties. In reality my wife is/was wonderful. She did what she could do and I held resentments over her for what I felt wasn't enough (which is BS). I see that I have resented myself for some time too. My part that I need to own with this group and myself and hopefully everyone that is reading this blog especially if they were a part of the last group I was in, is that I have appeared with a mask on. What you know of me has just been the surface me. I have put my wife in danger with my addictive behaviors by cheating on her throughout our relationship. I have lied repeatedly to her, myself, my kids, my mom, and to you all for not owning my real truth; for not telling the whole truth. My whole truth is only now coming to light-which I'm grateful for. I'm commited to honesty, though it is not always easy to speak. I'm letting go of who I was and embracing who I want to be. In the past I've pointed the finger especially at my wife for all of the hate I had for myself. She has loved me so openly and I have betrayed that love by holding her in a place, in the place of everyone that has ever betrayed me including myself. She has always been the bad guy in my eyes...until recently. I couldn't in my life accept love and she gave so freely especially in the beginning that it made me resent her because of the lack of love I had for myself. She truly showed me love and the only thing I could do was push it away by running in some way. I love myself and I am finally enough. Realizing that has helped me to accept that love which has made it easier to release my wife from this "bad guy" position. I have to say this to more than just myself so it is known, I can't have secrets any more. With this acknowledged I'm moving forward in the process, praying, staying in self referral as much as possible, and truly looking at life like it is fun again instead of being the victim. I thank everyone for being a part of this group and a part of my journey. With gratitude Eagle Eye.