I was driving my car to work after having just dropped the kids off at school. I could see the road moving beneath and the buildings passing by; I could hear the engine humming and feel the wheel in my hands; but I had this terrifying sense that something was missing – that I was missing. Looking around (turning my head left and right) I found myself wondering with perfect clarity, “Where’s my spirit? Where is the 5th dimensional me in this moment, ‘cause I don’t feel it.”
It was sort of like the flip-side of an out-of-body experience…instead of being in the midst of an astral flight, touring around with a light-thread connecting my soul to my body, I was immovably stuck in my human form with seemingly no connection to the infinite. Deep separation. Seriously scary shit – a zombified me barreling down the boulevard at
Body shaking and eyes welling up, I pulled over into the first parking lot I saw, which was a post office (a detail that is significant if one considers all this as symbols in a waking dream). Before I could park in a proper spot, there in front of me was a young moose, that lovely messenger of forgiveness and self-esteem. I turned off my car, rolled down my window and began connecting with the moose, sensing it wanted to offer me something. Breathing in sync with the animal as it stood a few yards away, I started to feel myself become this moose. The weight of its head on my shoulders, the taste the willow in my mouth, the strength of those legs that walked the wild since birth. For a minute or two, I was this moose, sensing no danger in the comforts of the city, harboring no anger for the wolves that killed my kin, craving no answers, desiring to achieve no dreams. In this sacred experience, I just was.
So, where was my soul 10 minutes before? How can the infinite play hide and seek? Well, I suppose it was vacationing in the body of that moose, taking a bit of rest from the ceaseless chatter of my mind, and most importantly, getting a recharge on those qualities I needed most at that moment – self-esteem and self-forgiveness.
Aho. Mi ta kwi asen.
