I sit and write this evening as a response to Micheal's earlier post asking for our honest feedback regarding this three month process. I have to say that I too miss the eye to eye, soul to soul contact of being around people on a similar path. Unlike many of you, I have not been through this particular 90 day series before but have recent memories that send wonderful chills throughout my body regarding my healing process and the involvement of the Sharp's healing souls. Of course I would prefer the face to face interactions, of course I crave the contact with your physical beings...BUT that said, I am here and you all are where you are so this blogging process and online connection is absolutely PRICELESS to me and my own healing path. I would much rather be here now, then not at all.
When I first heard about this course, Kathryn mentioned it being in AK and I thought "I have to get there"...but then comes life and the logistics of getting there for an extended period of time..."ugh". THEN this virtual option comes about, which closes the 5000 mile gap quite nicely for me and still allows me to connect with the souls of all of you that so openly and honestly share your stories and lives with me...us. It brings tears to my eyes that I am a part of a community spread across the nation who all have so many things in common and yet are so very uniquely special.
Prior to this, I had NEVER shared my thoughts on a blog before. This is a new experience to me. I tend to write my thoughts out on a regular basis, but most times it does not include keys or screens or wi-fi. A simple pen and notebook serve me quite well. But where do those paper words go? Mine go on a shelf or in a storage bin to not be read again for months or even years, no one sees them, no one reads them, no one else even knows they exist except me. Poor words...lonely...beautiful words. But here their world has been turned upside down! Here they are cared for and listened to and tended. Here they have a life beyond my bookshelf, beyond their hiding place under my bed. Here they are alive and well. And the best part of all this for me is that here they are HEALED. Fully. With love and attention as all things are healed. One can always be heard but not always listened to. You are my listeners. This is a gift regardless of eye contact or physical location.
This all said, looking forward to next years 90 day experience, I would love to be able to talk with the group, maybe in the form of a conference call or something of the sorts. For me, this would take it one step closer to the group, one step closer to each other. With regular verbal contact, I would feel a greater sense of connection and commitment to the entire process while still maintaining an amount of privacy and contact we can each control.
This has been a true healing process for me. I have let go as I intended and though we near the end...where one thing ends, another begins.
I am in a boat now (instead of flailing in the water grasping for the shore and air), flowing with the current of a new river full of light and love and forgiveness. My emotional goal has been accomplished with the release of the my fingers from the banks. That is my end and my beginning all in one.
To the next step. To you all.
Thank you for listening~
Wednesday, May 5
The Rear View Mirror
Blew Thunder here. One of my challenges, being an artist and a perfectionist, is when the time comes to review my responsibility as a co-creator of this 90 day process that we have all signed up for. In reviewing and looking back at what worked and maybe what didn't work, and looking at how to take all of that forward into the future.
This is a space that I struggle with from time to time, especially the part of thinking that I can be God. Probably the number one biggest healing process of my life, was in 1986 when I walked into a 12 step meeting. When I learned to open my mouth and share what was inside me-the pains, the hurts, the joys-through that process the light that came in allowed me to see my truths and my lies. Most importantly, it allowed me to release my shame and abandonment, and to truly find out who I really am.
Moving forward to 2006 when Kachina and I created this 90 day bridge, seeing the talking circle opening up and allowing the light in for each particpant for healing, was an incredibly awesome experience. And it was a different arena than a 12 step program, created by all people being there by choice.
A dear old mentor of mine, Bucky Fuller, used to say that a bad policy was better than no policy at all. Although I despise the word policy, he also used the example of a fruit bowl container to protect the fruit from bruising and rolling off the table. So many times through this 90 day process I have felt that I did not create the right fruit bowl because of the silence in blogging from some of the participants. I now realize that the gradient of writing versus talking is much higher for some people. And I am astounded by the ability some of the participants showed in writing skill. This is something I personally do not have. I know through my own walk the opportunity that has potentially been missed for some of the people.
So at this point I am verbalizing what I believe my failures are in creating a fruit bowl of safety for all to participate at a life-changing level, and blessing each and every one of you on your path. I am detaching from the outcome, with knowing that next time (if there is a next time) the fruit bowl will look different. Through my walk in asking different elders the same question; if they had the opportunity to do life again, what would they do different this time? Every one of them, without hesitation, replied; "I would take more RISKS!"
For me, because I can not see people and look in their eyes, I can not get a sense of where they are in the process. And my life is all about adding value, and right now I have not seen if there has been any value added! I am not feeling a presence of the participants, and I feel like we have somehow dropped the ball.
I am asking for your feedback, as participants, and feel free to e-mail me, as to your experience with the 90 day journey. Your feedback will help us in recreating the fruit bowl for the next group of journeyors.
Aho! Blew Thunder
This is a space that I struggle with from time to time, especially the part of thinking that I can be God. Probably the number one biggest healing process of my life, was in 1986 when I walked into a 12 step meeting. When I learned to open my mouth and share what was inside me-the pains, the hurts, the joys-through that process the light that came in allowed me to see my truths and my lies. Most importantly, it allowed me to release my shame and abandonment, and to truly find out who I really am.
Moving forward to 2006 when Kachina and I created this 90 day bridge, seeing the talking circle opening up and allowing the light in for each particpant for healing, was an incredibly awesome experience. And it was a different arena than a 12 step program, created by all people being there by choice.
A dear old mentor of mine, Bucky Fuller, used to say that a bad policy was better than no policy at all. Although I despise the word policy, he also used the example of a fruit bowl container to protect the fruit from bruising and rolling off the table. So many times through this 90 day process I have felt that I did not create the right fruit bowl because of the silence in blogging from some of the participants. I now realize that the gradient of writing versus talking is much higher for some people. And I am astounded by the ability some of the participants showed in writing skill. This is something I personally do not have. I know through my own walk the opportunity that has potentially been missed for some of the people.
So at this point I am verbalizing what I believe my failures are in creating a fruit bowl of safety for all to participate at a life-changing level, and blessing each and every one of you on your path. I am detaching from the outcome, with knowing that next time (if there is a next time) the fruit bowl will look different. Through my walk in asking different elders the same question; if they had the opportunity to do life again, what would they do different this time? Every one of them, without hesitation, replied; "I would take more RISKS!"
For me, because I can not see people and look in their eyes, I can not get a sense of where they are in the process. And my life is all about adding value, and right now I have not seen if there has been any value added! I am not feeling a presence of the participants, and I feel like we have somehow dropped the ball.
I am asking for your feedback, as participants, and feel free to e-mail me, as to your experience with the 90 day journey. Your feedback will help us in recreating the fruit bowl for the next group of journeyors.
Aho! Blew Thunder
Meeting with an Ancestor
Yesterday Blew Thunder and I went into town, to take packages to the post office, among other town errands. When we walked into the post office with fifteen boxes, a flurry of activity began to build around us. Keep in miund, this is a very small rural town with a population around 2000. Most trips to the post office involve us and seeing the post mistress. Sometimes we see one or two other people as they check their boxes. It is usually very quiet.
Today was different. People came in and out as we stood, recording each box, at the service desk. Blew thunder began to chat with the postal employee as I filled out the rest of the forms for the packages. One woman told him a story about how she had gotten a wound and used a tiny bit of essential oil which we had gifted to our neighbor Nacho a long time ago when he was injured. She said it was simply amazing how well it worked. Another woman became interested and asked if essential oils could help with anxiety for her son. Then another woman came in and piped up that she needed high quality oils and was looking for a place to find them (I gave her our website and directed her to the sources page to order them from our buyers club). A man even came in the little lobby and took part in the conversation. It was a wild little vortex of people telling healing stories.
The clincher for me was when the first woman, who I did not even know, came up to me and looked in my eyes, and said, "Thank you for writing this book. My partner and I have started the Ascension and are both noticing changes already." I then realized that she must be the partner of a woman who had purchased the Food for Ascension book here in Fredonia. She was using the book to guide her in raising her frequency, and already she was happy about the results! It was awesome and humbling at the same time.
Then a while later, we went into the US Forrest Service office. As we talked with the man at the desk, we dropped off the permit that Blew Thunder had to get for us to hold a clean-up on Forrest Road 22, to happen Friday and Saturday. We will, of course, begin with a song and drum to honor Mother Earth. A small native man walked in to the room behind us and joined the conversation. The man behind the desk introduced him as Richard, who had been with the Fredonia Forrest Service office for over 30 years! Richard smiled and said he felt like it was 2000 years, and I nodded, In a way, it was 2000 years I am sure!
Some how the conversation led to herbs and healing, and I said that I do heal with herbs, and I do it in the old way-talking to the spirits of the herbs to learn from them how to use these medicines. Richard's face lit up and he said that "nobody believes it anymore", and then proceeded to tell us that he was a Hopi from Hotevilla, and his father had been a healer and an herbalist. Richard had inherited the ability to see and hear in the spirit world, but had chosen not to become a healer. He made this choice because he wanted a family of his own, and in the Hopi tradition at the time, there was a great sacrifice for the family of a healer because he would be a t the beck and call of every person in need. He knew that his family life would suffer and he chose to let it go. He still does have his father's stash of wild herbs in his possession, and knows where to find them.
We talked a little longer, then the conversation went back to the permit. For a moment, Richard looked at me. He said his palms were tingling. He said that in the kiva ceremonies, when the spirits come in, they talk to him by making his palms tingle. That is his point of connection and communication with the spirit world. He said his palms were telling him that I was "the real thing".
We all exchanged our greetings and went our separate ways, agreeing that we would all be meeting again. The man behind the desk (in a wheel chair) also disclosed that he had been a healer and then his heart was broken. He wanted to know if oils could mend a broken heart. I promised to talk to him again about that.
Everywhere we went, people just started talking about healing. It was like walking around in an ancestral vortex. Something remarkable has changed for me with the mergence of my Lakota GGGrandmother. I feel that I have grounded a piece of myself in a whole new way. And I did not even know it was missing!!!
Kachina
Today was different. People came in and out as we stood, recording each box, at the service desk. Blew thunder began to chat with the postal employee as I filled out the rest of the forms for the packages. One woman told him a story about how she had gotten a wound and used a tiny bit of essential oil which we had gifted to our neighbor Nacho a long time ago when he was injured. She said it was simply amazing how well it worked. Another woman became interested and asked if essential oils could help with anxiety for her son. Then another woman came in and piped up that she needed high quality oils and was looking for a place to find them (I gave her our website and directed her to the sources page to order them from our buyers club). A man even came in the little lobby and took part in the conversation. It was a wild little vortex of people telling healing stories.
The clincher for me was when the first woman, who I did not even know, came up to me and looked in my eyes, and said, "Thank you for writing this book. My partner and I have started the Ascension and are both noticing changes already." I then realized that she must be the partner of a woman who had purchased the Food for Ascension book here in Fredonia. She was using the book to guide her in raising her frequency, and already she was happy about the results! It was awesome and humbling at the same time.
Then a while later, we went into the US Forrest Service office. As we talked with the man at the desk, we dropped off the permit that Blew Thunder had to get for us to hold a clean-up on Forrest Road 22, to happen Friday and Saturday. We will, of course, begin with a song and drum to honor Mother Earth. A small native man walked in to the room behind us and joined the conversation. The man behind the desk introduced him as Richard, who had been with the Fredonia Forrest Service office for over 30 years! Richard smiled and said he felt like it was 2000 years, and I nodded, In a way, it was 2000 years I am sure!
Some how the conversation led to herbs and healing, and I said that I do heal with herbs, and I do it in the old way-talking to the spirits of the herbs to learn from them how to use these medicines. Richard's face lit up and he said that "nobody believes it anymore", and then proceeded to tell us that he was a Hopi from Hotevilla, and his father had been a healer and an herbalist. Richard had inherited the ability to see and hear in the spirit world, but had chosen not to become a healer. He made this choice because he wanted a family of his own, and in the Hopi tradition at the time, there was a great sacrifice for the family of a healer because he would be a t the beck and call of every person in need. He knew that his family life would suffer and he chose to let it go. He still does have his father's stash of wild herbs in his possession, and knows where to find them.
We talked a little longer, then the conversation went back to the permit. For a moment, Richard looked at me. He said his palms were tingling. He said that in the kiva ceremonies, when the spirits come in, they talk to him by making his palms tingle. That is his point of connection and communication with the spirit world. He said his palms were telling him that I was "the real thing".
We all exchanged our greetings and went our separate ways, agreeing that we would all be meeting again. The man behind the desk (in a wheel chair) also disclosed that he had been a healer and then his heart was broken. He wanted to know if oils could mend a broken heart. I promised to talk to him again about that.
Everywhere we went, people just started talking about healing. It was like walking around in an ancestral vortex. Something remarkable has changed for me with the mergence of my Lakota GGGrandmother. I feel that I have grounded a piece of myself in a whole new way. And I did not even know it was missing!!!
Kachina
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