Connecting in, I'm rolling my eyes and feeling somewhat blah. Wanting, wanting something but don't don't know what? On the cusp, the edge, frozen, still, sitting there enjoying the view from the top, looking at the long way down. I can only see about halfway down before the view disappears and goes black. The air feels more amazing then air on my skin has ever felt before, the smell of the wind is a more delicious then I ever remember it smelling and the view, to attempt to describe it would only belittle its magnificence. I feel as though all my senses are heightened like a constant scurry of bugs on my skin, I feel so much its almost as if the feeling itself passes right through me and I am cover with chills and goose bums from the inside out.
I want to cry with relief because all these years I thought I could feel and now to experience feeling in this way, I am so happy! I cry for my past self, I cry for others who have yet to feel and allow themselves this experience of the pureness of true joy, that is the simplest yet most illusive place, the present moment.
The tears fall and I sit inside myself watching, I'm not even me? It's befuddling because in this new place the revelation that I am not me affects not only those things that no longer serve but also those things that I love dearly and hold close to my heart.
Non-attachment can really feel like not caring because it is the exact opposite of what we are conditioned to feel. So I step lightly checking and double checking myself to be sure that just because I am non-attached doesn't mean that I don't care it just means that my trust in the divine order and brilliance of the universe is solidified inside of me and because of that simple knowing I am forever abundant.
I trust that all things "good and bad" are exactly what they are for a reason!
Even if in this moment the reason, which it currently is, is unknown to me.
I stay here willingly now because I know someday I will look back and say "that was an amazing lesson, I am so glad I went through that."
I don't want to have to look back anymore and say "I wish I had stayed present for that lesson or period of time in my life, where has my life gone?"
My reverence for life and all that entails is so grand and mindboggling that I wonder where I have been all this time. It doesn't even matter because I am here now and Oh My God, it was so worth the wait!
