Clearly this process is amazing. Realizations are flowing through me faster than they ever have. I'm stepping into the real me, the Authentic ME. Yesterday I woke up not ready to get up but did anyway because the longer I roll around the more frustrated I get. I prayed as my eyes opened -which is a new daily event- and walked downstairs. I could feel this dark, sorry for myself, energy that has been so familiar for so long. It was the victim, the ego, the "point the finger" energy I've had for so long. I can now distinguish between the two energies clearly. "Ready" I say to myself "to let this go." I prayed, I did a blue road healing, I consentrated on a quote, and stepped into this dark energy- as myself. It was clear that I was lighting up the darkness through the grace of Great Spirit. I continued to pray throughout the day and finally it turned off-disappeared as if it were never there. I think it was a test from my guides. I have always given up with healing myself. Always asking for help but never taking it, standing in my own way. Side note my wife got me a book by Rudolf Steiner entitled "Start Now" (not sure you could be more obvious) and in that book there was one line in particular that stuck out to me "the quote"... Steadfastness stands higher than any success. So here I am receiving this huge gift late in the afternoon. I learned how to receive yesterday. By the end of the night I was dancing in the living room with my wife and kids. I have never danced with them, always been too shy - too in my own way. Allowing huge gifts of freedom -freedom from this dark entity- to pass into me has become easier. I'm willing to accept ME, and that is beautiful. My intention is to continue on this new EASIER path and acknowledging the Authentic ME. Thank you for this journey Kachina and Blew Thunder. By the way I have kept up with the book and instead of it feeling like a chore it has become something I look forward to everyday.
In Gratitude
Eagle Eye
Saturday, February 12
Thursday, February 10
Transmuting Pain
As we move through life on an evolutionary path, all of us get to pass through the initiation of the transmutation of pain. One of the very best and clearest descriptions of what it takes internally to pass through this initiation and into a life without pain, is published in Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now. (Check out the blog entry--Dissolving Unconsciousness--posted on March 16, 2010).
Until reaching a level of higher consciousness, humans travel through life believing that we are victims of pain, that pain comes from somewhere or something beyond our control, and that everyone has to put up with pain in this life. We do not see that it is a choice that we have been feeding, and choosing, all of our lives. The transmutation of the pain body begins in that moment that we first begin to suspect that we are creating the pain we are experiencing, and that we are choosing it.
This is not an easy concept for us to embrace, as it exposes our true power, and the illusion of the ego, which tries very hard not to be exposed. It challenges us to dig deep into our own psyche, to find the underlying false beliefs that keep holding us in a state of victimization and powerlessness over pain. And finally, as we begin to close in on this initiation, we will be offered an opportunity to pass through, and transmute, our own pain.
Conscious preparation for this initiation comes through becoming more and more present in the experience of pain. The one, and really the only, lesson we must learn from pain, is SURRENDER. Pain gets worse when we try to ignore it, holding on to our own agenda regardless of the pain. We can learn to shut off pain, to push through pain, and even to transcend pain. These are all valuable lessons, and useful at various stages, but the only way to become free of pain is to learn to transmute pain. This can only be done by going consciously into the experience of pain, to its energetic source, and remain fully present in the pain, for as long as it takes to transmute it completely.
In learning the process of complete and perfect surrender, one must take their attention fully into the pain by going into its physical location. We keep returning the attention into the pain, over and over, as the mind begins to attempt to draw us out, into a mental "story" about the pain. This negative mental energy will keep trying to draw our attention out of the pain, and into story--always a story that casts us as a victim, a righteous one who does not deserve what life has brought, one who has no responsibility in the creation of the pain. This is the ego's way of generating more negativity, more energy to feed the pain body and keep it alive.
This transmutation will come for each of us. The light of our full attention burns through the pain and transmutes it into pure energy. We find that we have the power to transmute pain completely.
Many people do not pass through this initiation until they enter the dying process. You will see people in this process, as their body is breaking down, the light in their eyes becomes very strong. Through the experience of transmuting pain, the soul's light shines brighter and brighter as physical density is transmuted into light. We do not need to wait until we are dying to pass through this initiation, though. At one point in the process, each person will need to confront their fear of dying, as that is one of the ego's most powerful stories to maintain its control over our consciousness.
For more information on the exact techniques to pass through this level of consciousness, please do check out the title above by Eckhart Tolle.
In Love and Service,
Kachina
Until reaching a level of higher consciousness, humans travel through life believing that we are victims of pain, that pain comes from somewhere or something beyond our control, and that everyone has to put up with pain in this life. We do not see that it is a choice that we have been feeding, and choosing, all of our lives. The transmutation of the pain body begins in that moment that we first begin to suspect that we are creating the pain we are experiencing, and that we are choosing it.
This is not an easy concept for us to embrace, as it exposes our true power, and the illusion of the ego, which tries very hard not to be exposed. It challenges us to dig deep into our own psyche, to find the underlying false beliefs that keep holding us in a state of victimization and powerlessness over pain. And finally, as we begin to close in on this initiation, we will be offered an opportunity to pass through, and transmute, our own pain.
Conscious preparation for this initiation comes through becoming more and more present in the experience of pain. The one, and really the only, lesson we must learn from pain, is SURRENDER. Pain gets worse when we try to ignore it, holding on to our own agenda regardless of the pain. We can learn to shut off pain, to push through pain, and even to transcend pain. These are all valuable lessons, and useful at various stages, but the only way to become free of pain is to learn to transmute pain. This can only be done by going consciously into the experience of pain, to its energetic source, and remain fully present in the pain, for as long as it takes to transmute it completely.
In learning the process of complete and perfect surrender, one must take their attention fully into the pain by going into its physical location. We keep returning the attention into the pain, over and over, as the mind begins to attempt to draw us out, into a mental "story" about the pain. This negative mental energy will keep trying to draw our attention out of the pain, and into story--always a story that casts us as a victim, a righteous one who does not deserve what life has brought, one who has no responsibility in the creation of the pain. This is the ego's way of generating more negativity, more energy to feed the pain body and keep it alive.
This transmutation will come for each of us. The light of our full attention burns through the pain and transmutes it into pure energy. We find that we have the power to transmute pain completely.
Many people do not pass through this initiation until they enter the dying process. You will see people in this process, as their body is breaking down, the light in their eyes becomes very strong. Through the experience of transmuting pain, the soul's light shines brighter and brighter as physical density is transmuted into light. We do not need to wait until we are dying to pass through this initiation, though. At one point in the process, each person will need to confront their fear of dying, as that is one of the ego's most powerful stories to maintain its control over our consciousness.
For more information on the exact techniques to pass through this level of consciousness, please do check out the title above by Eckhart Tolle.
In Love and Service,
Kachina
Monday, February 7
Hello again to everyone,
As I write and rewrite my affirmations nightly I am puzzled as to what exactly is meant in the health palace about pain by"mastering the lesson of surrender"- "once we we learn to surrender we are completely free of the experience of pain". At first I thought this was a referral to giving in to the rythym of pain which is a technique I use, then I thought this referred to my tendency to plow through things that maybe I should accept as too much at the expense of my body. Now I am guessing I have missed the point altogether which I really don't want to do so if anyone would like to share some insight into this I would be so appreciative as chronic and acute pain both compromise me at times.
In Gratitude, Dark Horse
As I write and rewrite my affirmations nightly I am puzzled as to what exactly is meant in the health palace about pain by"mastering the lesson of surrender"- "once we we learn to surrender we are completely free of the experience of pain". At first I thought this was a referral to giving in to the rythym of pain which is a technique I use, then I thought this referred to my tendency to plow through things that maybe I should accept as too much at the expense of my body. Now I am guessing I have missed the point altogether which I really don't want to do so if anyone would like to share some insight into this I would be so appreciative as chronic and acute pain both compromise me at times.
In Gratitude, Dark Horse
Friday, February 4
The Liver's Role in Creating our Life Experience
Every so often, I have an opportunity to recall and then honor the huge role our livers have in creating our moment by moment reality. The liver is the largest solid organ (other than skin) in our bodies. It is responsible for many different jobs, one of the most important being transmutation.
When we experience excesses, cravings, or imbalances in life, blockages and stagnation occur in our energy body. On an emotional level, this looks like suppressed emotion; trying to stop the feelings, judging them, or keeping them "under control", creating a build up in stagnant energy somewhere in the body.
This almost always causes some form of anesthetization--seeking relief from feelings we don't want--by using food, alcohol, tobacco, pharmaceuticals, recreational drugs, or even some type of behavior to carry us out of this uncomfortable stagnant and blocked space.
On a physical level, as we are ingesting or participating in something to avoid the experience we are avoiding, the substances we take in carry a certain frequency. We will take them in an excessive quantity, using more than the balanced body would allow, and over riding the signals to stop that our body might be sending us.
Our liver must then work very hard to transmute these substances or metabolic chemicals and by-products of our excessive behavior. Instead of completing the job, a liver in overwhelm will simply store the toxicity in "safe" little storage units, getting it out of the blood so our bodies can continue to function, but not having enough energy and time to process and transmute these chemicals for elimination.
Now they are sitting there, just vibrating at the frequency level of whatever substance they came from: alcohol, drugs, overeating; and holding the emotional energy signature of that substance in our bodies. Eventually we will become so uncomfortable with this toxic baggage in our livers, that we will repeat our craving and excessive fulfilling cycle until the feeling goes away again--temporarily, while actually adding to the liver's overload. It is the cycle of addiction in the physical form.
These toxic liver accumulations create mood swings, depression, anger, frustration, resentment, and victimization within our emotional body that keeps this cycle in place. This is why dietary change, and herbal cleansing to initiate the clearing of this toxic build up is SO IMPORTANT in healing any addictive cycle. And it is not going to be "over" in a few months or even a few years--where we can now forget about it and go back to living the way we used to.
Instead, we have to choose the path of healing and becoming more conscious--over and over again--and make it a way of life. Healing is not a destination, it is a life path. Liver cleansing becomes a permanent part of our reality, along with a new way of eating, and a new way of thinking, losing self-judgement, embracing forgiveness, and reclaiming our power and responsibility in order to leave resentment and victimization behind. It becomes the walk of a Master, one that we may spend a lifetime 'mastering", and one with a profound growth potential on every level.
Many blessings for each of us on this path of healing and cleansing! Though we ALL underestimate the level of cleansing needed to experience the kind of life we want to live, we will always get little reminders that put us back on track...
Kachina
When we experience excesses, cravings, or imbalances in life, blockages and stagnation occur in our energy body. On an emotional level, this looks like suppressed emotion; trying to stop the feelings, judging them, or keeping them "under control", creating a build up in stagnant energy somewhere in the body.
This almost always causes some form of anesthetization--seeking relief from feelings we don't want--by using food, alcohol, tobacco, pharmaceuticals, recreational drugs, or even some type of behavior to carry us out of this uncomfortable stagnant and blocked space.
On a physical level, as we are ingesting or participating in something to avoid the experience we are avoiding, the substances we take in carry a certain frequency. We will take them in an excessive quantity, using more than the balanced body would allow, and over riding the signals to stop that our body might be sending us.
Our liver must then work very hard to transmute these substances or metabolic chemicals and by-products of our excessive behavior. Instead of completing the job, a liver in overwhelm will simply store the toxicity in "safe" little storage units, getting it out of the blood so our bodies can continue to function, but not having enough energy and time to process and transmute these chemicals for elimination.
Now they are sitting there, just vibrating at the frequency level of whatever substance they came from: alcohol, drugs, overeating; and holding the emotional energy signature of that substance in our bodies. Eventually we will become so uncomfortable with this toxic baggage in our livers, that we will repeat our craving and excessive fulfilling cycle until the feeling goes away again--temporarily, while actually adding to the liver's overload. It is the cycle of addiction in the physical form.
These toxic liver accumulations create mood swings, depression, anger, frustration, resentment, and victimization within our emotional body that keeps this cycle in place. This is why dietary change, and herbal cleansing to initiate the clearing of this toxic build up is SO IMPORTANT in healing any addictive cycle. And it is not going to be "over" in a few months or even a few years--where we can now forget about it and go back to living the way we used to.
Instead, we have to choose the path of healing and becoming more conscious--over and over again--and make it a way of life. Healing is not a destination, it is a life path. Liver cleansing becomes a permanent part of our reality, along with a new way of eating, and a new way of thinking, losing self-judgement, embracing forgiveness, and reclaiming our power and responsibility in order to leave resentment and victimization behind. It becomes the walk of a Master, one that we may spend a lifetime 'mastering", and one with a profound growth potential on every level.
Many blessings for each of us on this path of healing and cleansing! Though we ALL underestimate the level of cleansing needed to experience the kind of life we want to live, we will always get little reminders that put us back on track...
Kachina
Hello fellow walkers
This has been an interesting week for me with some real highs and some terrible lows.
As an Earth activist, I try to always stay in a place of hope as despair renders me useless. This week I have felt the pain of our Earth in the face of human assault so clearly that I've become overtaken by uncontrollable sobbing. Studying the science of Earth healing and her imbalances makes it sometimes just too much emotionally. I try to redirect myself to holding healing visions and praying for the enlightenment of those who exploit her so shamelessly. The news this week of Monsanto's deeper death grip on our food and our planet has really challenged my ability to keep positive. I feel so disappointed in our leader for not taking a stand against them. It is hard to refrain from anger and even more so despair.
In the same week I felt real growth. I experienced insight and acknowledgement of my own patterns. I clearly see my lifelong habits of self sabotage. I recognize for the first time how my mind has worked against rather than with my body and spirit. I see it now before I do it instead of in retrospect. I pray I can keep this clarity of heart as this has allowed my transformative actions to begin.
Last night I had a vision. I say it was a vision because it happened in the same way as prior dream experiences that have turned out to be real. I was in a scene seeing through someone else's eyes, I did not realize whose at first. It was very chaotic and scary , I felt lost but determined to get away.Suddenly I woke with the realization that I was seeing through Tim's eyes. Tim is a 12 year old boy that I worked with in a one on one capacity 2 years ago. I was removed from the case after Children and Youth services were contacted as a result of my logs. His mother was gunning for me as I had exposed the abuse going on at home. Tim eventually was sent several counties away with his two brothers in foster care.
At school today I told someone involved in his case about the vision. Her response was she had no doubt it was real, yesterday was the hearing to determine if he would be going back or not. His younger brother had tried three time during the day to reach the school therapist.
The core diet is really helping me to tune in, I feel so grateful to have this opportunity.I savor each day.
My love to you all, Lisa
This has been an interesting week for me with some real highs and some terrible lows.
As an Earth activist, I try to always stay in a place of hope as despair renders me useless. This week I have felt the pain of our Earth in the face of human assault so clearly that I've become overtaken by uncontrollable sobbing. Studying the science of Earth healing and her imbalances makes it sometimes just too much emotionally. I try to redirect myself to holding healing visions and praying for the enlightenment of those who exploit her so shamelessly. The news this week of Monsanto's deeper death grip on our food and our planet has really challenged my ability to keep positive. I feel so disappointed in our leader for not taking a stand against them. It is hard to refrain from anger and even more so despair.
In the same week I felt real growth. I experienced insight and acknowledgement of my own patterns. I clearly see my lifelong habits of self sabotage. I recognize for the first time how my mind has worked against rather than with my body and spirit. I see it now before I do it instead of in retrospect. I pray I can keep this clarity of heart as this has allowed my transformative actions to begin.
Last night I had a vision. I say it was a vision because it happened in the same way as prior dream experiences that have turned out to be real. I was in a scene seeing through someone else's eyes, I did not realize whose at first. It was very chaotic and scary , I felt lost but determined to get away.Suddenly I woke with the realization that I was seeing through Tim's eyes. Tim is a 12 year old boy that I worked with in a one on one capacity 2 years ago. I was removed from the case after Children and Youth services were contacted as a result of my logs. His mother was gunning for me as I had exposed the abuse going on at home. Tim eventually was sent several counties away with his two brothers in foster care.
At school today I told someone involved in his case about the vision. Her response was she had no doubt it was real, yesterday was the hearing to determine if he would be going back or not. His younger brother had tried three time during the day to reach the school therapist.
The core diet is really helping me to tune in, I feel so grateful to have this opportunity.I savor each day.
My love to you all, Lisa
Thursday, February 3
Perspective
The last couple of days have been far less fun than I remember in a long time. Our wood had dwindled to scraps trying to stretch it till my husband returns home, another week, and the drafty house that has consumed more trees in a small square footage than I have ever experienced, kept dropping in temperatures along with the outdoors. Our dryer takes a whole day to dry one load and my youngest keeps having accidents at night. After bundling up in all of my clothes and the last two clean blankets, I was still cold and turned on the electric heat to try and bring up the temps in this house. I didn't sleep all night and by this am the house was below 50, the outdoors -18, the dogs were cuddled up in the dirty laundry on the floor and all three children took hot showers to warm up enough to get to school. I turned off the heat as it was doing nothing and sat for a few minutes, almost in tears, when I made the choice to change my perspective.
I asked for guidance to help me find other options. I bagged up all of the laundry, filled the wood stove with all the wood that was left and took the boys to school. Driving in the warm truck was oh so cozy. I went to the laundromat with a book but instead ended up meditating along with the washing and drying. Something magical happened. I felt gratitude that was lost in the struggle. I gazed outside at the glistening "sparkle" that the sun rays make when combined with the cold temperature and saw the beauty of it.
I found some wood bundles at the grocer and remembered that a couple I met this last fall have ECO blocks in their shop so I stopped by. It was nice to chat with these wonderful people and I picked up a pack of these hot and long burning blocks. Then back at home, the fire was still burning, slow but alive. Packed it full and got it hot for the first time in a week, made myself some food and I am feeling the warming of the house as I write. I should hear from our local wood guy this afternoon about whether he found us some wood or not.
It is so easy for me to get buried underneath the thoughts that come when things get tough and then to see how I am making them tough by getting buried. I read the post about today as an auspicious day and smiled in remembrance of "thoughts become things", I am grateful.....
Michelle
An Auspicious Day
A very cold morning at White Sage Landing; it was under 6 degrees last night. There is a crisp, clean, chilly energy to the air that is invigorating! We are burning fire wood in the woodstove all day and all night to keep the house warm, and hearing the coyote voices tremble and howl across the meadow, completely oblivious to the cold.
Today, on this clear cold morning, I looked at the Dreamspell calendar (evolved from the ancient Mayan calendar), and saw that today was a triple yellow--or triple "south direction" day. It is a Mayan magnetic Sun, the first day of the female 13 day cycle, and the final day of the male 20 day cycle. In addition, it is a Pacal Votan day--a day which offers an energetic potential to access and embody intentions that have been set for us (or by us) many lifetimes ago. It offers an opportunity to change our lives to align more closely with our own divine blueprint. And it is a new moon--the time of new beginnings and planting seeds.
I am thankful beyond words to be here, on Mother Earth, in this time of transition and purification between worlds. I am so thankful to witness the daily miracles of life, and to awaken into a greater dream and vision.
In love and gratitude, Kachina
Today, on this clear cold morning, I looked at the Dreamspell calendar (evolved from the ancient Mayan calendar), and saw that today was a triple yellow--or triple "south direction" day. It is a Mayan magnetic Sun, the first day of the female 13 day cycle, and the final day of the male 20 day cycle. In addition, it is a Pacal Votan day--a day which offers an energetic potential to access and embody intentions that have been set for us (or by us) many lifetimes ago. It offers an opportunity to change our lives to align more closely with our own divine blueprint. And it is a new moon--the time of new beginnings and planting seeds.
I am thankful beyond words to be here, on Mother Earth, in this time of transition and purification between worlds. I am so thankful to witness the daily miracles of life, and to awaken into a greater dream and vision.
In love and gratitude, Kachina
Wednesday, February 2
Trust
As I said before I am a few days behind the rest of you in the book. I realized that I had thought I made it further than this in the past but apparently I hadn't. I think I looked at the book, at where I would have been when that day had arrived for the circle so I would have something to say. That in itself is part of my truth; I had to have a story for everything in my life...to be accepted. Day 19 is where I'm at and this is the day that has proven to be the most eye opening for me.
Earlier today I had a conversation that brought up a lot of stagnant feelings. I didn't feel good. I felt like crawling into a dark hole frankly. Then I decided to do something different, something that I've never done before, because doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity. I decided to go to the book. The first question: "Have you noticed any new awarenesses or insights since before you began?" Answer: I see a different confidence level within myself. Though I've had a turbulant conversation I still have the unrelenting support of Great Spirit. This is where I usually give up. I stop working on me and move into victim mode. I am not a victim and my tangible choices have lead me to where I am. I'm grateful for the lessons, though tough and not fun, my faith has not been rocked. That is a huge change within myself and that feels good.
Then the exercise is listening to the unity tone CD and breathing in warm golden light in and letting it grow on the out breath. I started this in the chair at my desk at work, then started moving around and couldn't sit any more as the urge to move was getting too great. I got up and walked down the hall rhythmically taking steps and filling myself with light. I got to the 6th song ready to be done, trying to make excuses why I didn't need to do it any more. Instead of just turning it off I asked for guidance..."wait" was the response. So I continued listening getting distracted easier and easier, and on the 8th song something started to make me feel good. Didn't know what it was but it was good. At the 9th song half way through it came to me that this time in my life is all guided by a much higher power than myself. I had just been flushed with surrendering trust. Spirit waited until the last moment to see if I wanted to hear what it had to say. This is the first time I have trusted...today, February 2, 2011.
With much thanks and gratitude for my lessons, and this blog to share them on I thank all of you.
Aho
Earlier today I had a conversation that brought up a lot of stagnant feelings. I didn't feel good. I felt like crawling into a dark hole frankly. Then I decided to do something different, something that I've never done before, because doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity. I decided to go to the book. The first question: "Have you noticed any new awarenesses or insights since before you began?" Answer: I see a different confidence level within myself. Though I've had a turbulant conversation I still have the unrelenting support of Great Spirit. This is where I usually give up. I stop working on me and move into victim mode. I am not a victim and my tangible choices have lead me to where I am. I'm grateful for the lessons, though tough and not fun, my faith has not been rocked. That is a huge change within myself and that feels good.
Then the exercise is listening to the unity tone CD and breathing in warm golden light in and letting it grow on the out breath. I started this in the chair at my desk at work, then started moving around and couldn't sit any more as the urge to move was getting too great. I got up and walked down the hall rhythmically taking steps and filling myself with light. I got to the 6th song ready to be done, trying to make excuses why I didn't need to do it any more. Instead of just turning it off I asked for guidance..."wait" was the response. So I continued listening getting distracted easier and easier, and on the 8th song something started to make me feel good. Didn't know what it was but it was good. At the 9th song half way through it came to me that this time in my life is all guided by a much higher power than myself. I had just been flushed with surrendering trust. Spirit waited until the last moment to see if I wanted to hear what it had to say. This is the first time I have trusted...today, February 2, 2011.
With much thanks and gratitude for my lessons, and this blog to share them on I thank all of you.
Aho
Tuesday, February 1
Living
It always helps me release emotions by listening to music that inspires them to surface. I found a wonderful song "Life You Love" by Jason Damato. The line is "live the life you love and love the life you live."
The perspective hits home, when I evaluate the life I have created, the life I am living and ask myself if I am living the life I love and do I love the life I live? Working on breaking it down to see where I am in love and where I am not, where I want to make changes and where I want to embrace and dance more.
Deeper is to allow myself to feel, receive, enjoy and BE LOVE, that is what these affirmations are doing, thank you to the South, this workshop, the Universe and all of you...
Aho, Michelle
Monday, January 31
"I am the center of the Universe..."
Once again I'm blown away...isn't life amazing?! So I forgot to say in the circle yesterday that I had been waiting for my oil and stones, until the day before the talking circle. I was excited to put the stones on, to say the least. I meant to look at what the healing properties of the stones were the day they arrived but I was too interested in "looking at my mail" (on the slope mail is an abstract connection to the "real" world) that I forgot. Today I looked. I'm not sure, just another miracle I guess, but I was dumbfounded with the connection I have with the stones.
www.sobrietystones.com/resources/GemBook/Stones/meanings_gemstones_jade.htm
www.sobrietystones.com/resources/GemBook/Stones/meanings_gemstones_amazonite.htm
My focus while I'm in this process, primarily, is to change my current view from "I am the center of the Universe" to one of Love, Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Living in my heart. These are my intentions and with the willingness I possess and the grace of Great Spirit I will succeed.
Throughout my life I have been the only one of my focus. As hard as that is to admit it's true. After I was moved to my Dad's house when I was 2 I was his only kid. My Mom had my sister but she is ten years older than me so I don't really know her that well. She moved out when she was 16 anyway. The point is I was basically an only child. I had step siblings for a bit of my life, but mostly just me. I came to expect things from people. Like I was entitled. Entitled to love, attention, the center of their world. I didn't want for anything material in my life and new that on a monitary level my needs would be met. What I wasn't getting was the love I desired so deeply from my Parents. No affection, no play, no connection...
Needless to say that gave me the gift of connecting to the Earth. I went outside all the time to play by myself. I was good at being by myself...It made me resent of my parents though. This reflection has come full circle again in my relationships. I'm not good at being by myself hence this entity/addiction I've been relying/coping with for so long. I place this misdirected resentment on the ones that truely do show me love now in my life. Both Zar, my second to youngest kiddo, and my wife especially. They, the innocent, are the target of my void of love. The void I've held onto until now. I've recognized it and with my intentions, a lot of thought awareness, and the help from guidance it will dissipate and be filled. It is being replaced as I type this, as I think about and feel these feelings. I'm grateful today for this lesson. I get to love myself and spill that over to my Family. How exciting!
www.sobrietystones.com/resources/GemBook/Stones/meanings_gemstones_jade.htm
www.sobrietystones.com/resources/GemBook/Stones/meanings_gemstones_amazonite.htm
My focus while I'm in this process, primarily, is to change my current view from "I am the center of the Universe" to one of Love, Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Living in my heart. These are my intentions and with the willingness I possess and the grace of Great Spirit I will succeed.
Throughout my life I have been the only one of my focus. As hard as that is to admit it's true. After I was moved to my Dad's house when I was 2 I was his only kid. My Mom had my sister but she is ten years older than me so I don't really know her that well. She moved out when she was 16 anyway. The point is I was basically an only child. I had step siblings for a bit of my life, but mostly just me. I came to expect things from people. Like I was entitled. Entitled to love, attention, the center of their world. I didn't want for anything material in my life and new that on a monitary level my needs would be met. What I wasn't getting was the love I desired so deeply from my Parents. No affection, no play, no connection...
Needless to say that gave me the gift of connecting to the Earth. I went outside all the time to play by myself. I was good at being by myself...It made me resent of my parents though. This reflection has come full circle again in my relationships. I'm not good at being by myself hence this entity/addiction I've been relying/coping with for so long. I place this misdirected resentment on the ones that truely do show me love now in my life. Both Zar, my second to youngest kiddo, and my wife especially. They, the innocent, are the target of my void of love. The void I've held onto until now. I've recognized it and with my intentions, a lot of thought awareness, and the help from guidance it will dissipate and be filled. It is being replaced as I type this, as I think about and feel these feelings. I'm grateful today for this lesson. I get to love myself and spill that over to my Family. How exciting!
Saturday, January 29
Past-History, Future-Mystery, Present-The Gift
(Blog entry by Blew Thunder)
Every time we do the core foods fast, it makes me flash back to the past before the core foods fast even had a name. I had just quit smoking cigarettes, and stopped drinking coffee. I had gained about 60 pounds, and I was so uncomfortable in my own body from the weight gain, that even having a glass of water at night, my stomach would bloat.
At that moment, I raised my hand and surrendered, asking Kachina for help. I told her I would eat anything that she wanted me to eat--ANYTHING. That was over seven years ago. Now I look back with the fondest memories, as the fast that I initiated then has resulted in the Core Foods Fast. At that time, it was not a three week fast, but what I ate for three or four months; enjoying all the different flavors and toppings with my six bowls of potatoes and root veggies every day.
One of the side benefits of the fast was in the middle of the winter, I dropped that 60 extra pounds I had put on. And now, seven years later, I had once again found myself eating less consciously, not paying attention to my body's signals, and eating in a hurry. Now after being on the Core Foods again, I am yet again amazed at how much different I feel, how much more conscious I am in my eating, and how much more clarity is available to me. My energy level has soared. I have even become aware of how my thoughts have wandered, and gone unconscious--how I had become less patient and fallen from that space in grace that I love so much. That is the gift.
Now I am understanding the importance of doing a two week core foods fast every spring equinox and autumn equinox--two times a year--to bring my body back to the neutral zero point once again. It is so easy to slide into habits and lose ourselves. This fast provides that window for re-awakening in the dream. I am even more committed at this point, to using this seasonal fast.
And so I am grateful for each and every one of you, who are assisting me in going back to Beginner's Mind. Big kudos to Eagle Eye, for I have been in that space / place before and I know the courage to move mountains just happens! May the angels grace you as well as all of us as we become willing to roll up our sleeves and look in the mirror. AHO to the Great Mystery!
B. Thunder
Every time we do the core foods fast, it makes me flash back to the past before the core foods fast even had a name. I had just quit smoking cigarettes, and stopped drinking coffee. I had gained about 60 pounds, and I was so uncomfortable in my own body from the weight gain, that even having a glass of water at night, my stomach would bloat.
At that moment, I raised my hand and surrendered, asking Kachina for help. I told her I would eat anything that she wanted me to eat--ANYTHING. That was over seven years ago. Now I look back with the fondest memories, as the fast that I initiated then has resulted in the Core Foods Fast. At that time, it was not a three week fast, but what I ate for three or four months; enjoying all the different flavors and toppings with my six bowls of potatoes and root veggies every day.
One of the side benefits of the fast was in the middle of the winter, I dropped that 60 extra pounds I had put on. And now, seven years later, I had once again found myself eating less consciously, not paying attention to my body's signals, and eating in a hurry. Now after being on the Core Foods again, I am yet again amazed at how much different I feel, how much more conscious I am in my eating, and how much more clarity is available to me. My energy level has soared. I have even become aware of how my thoughts have wandered, and gone unconscious--how I had become less patient and fallen from that space in grace that I love so much. That is the gift.
Now I am understanding the importance of doing a two week core foods fast every spring equinox and autumn equinox--two times a year--to bring my body back to the neutral zero point once again. It is so easy to slide into habits and lose ourselves. This fast provides that window for re-awakening in the dream. I am even more committed at this point, to using this seasonal fast.
And so I am grateful for each and every one of you, who are assisting me in going back to Beginner's Mind. Big kudos to Eagle Eye, for I have been in that space / place before and I know the courage to move mountains just happens! May the angels grace you as well as all of us as we become willing to roll up our sleeves and look in the mirror. AHO to the Great Mystery!
B. Thunder
And The Floods Begins
Part two- Breaking Cycles
"Allow the way to be paved by those who have walked before you with lesson number one being, life is easy."
~Michelle LynxOne of my favorite parts of this 90 day process is writing the creation story, and even more, getting lost in the zone and going back days later to read the profound insight that comes through me when connected to source.
One awakened memory that explains my life perfectly is that I am here to break family patterns and heal generations of the past, present and future. This is significant in the flooding knowledge flowing into me now.
With the understanding of myself, my roles, my life and how I got here, I can see it so clearly in my children as well. To look at each one in context of my emotional state from conception through birth and on through my healing process is amazing.
As a young wounded teenager, lost and escaping through whatever means possible, I became pregnant with my oldest son. Stubborn, independent, rebellious and unwilling to allow my family "values" and judgments to influence me, I set out to prove something. What was I proving that didn't fall into the judgments, nothing, but I didn't know that then.
This child was set up from the beginning, along with the stubborn, independent, rebellious and needing to prove something traits he was born with, I gave him the added bonus of needing to be the "perfect" child. I have watched him try to live this role and fail because of it. I also get to watch him awaken and find his own way through the muck and learn from him as his spirit awakens to the truth and connects with the Universe.
After a few years, finding myself in a detrimental relationship and longing for love, I desperately wanted another baby. Insecure, weak and struggling to find a hint of light, I gave birth to my second son. He died twice, once at birth and again an hour later, spent 10 days in the NICU unit and didn't feel my touch till I brought him home. I believe he wasn't sure he wanted to do this life but once he made up his mind he was here for good and for good reason.
He was like glue to me, strong in his own spirit but attached at the same time. He knew what he wanted, where he came from and what his purpose was till about 5. At that time my divorce from his father forced what appeared to him as betrayal. It's hard to look at a situation and see the right in it and be faced with a justice system that says something else. After that he forgot himself and submitted to the exact same role that I did as a child, filling the void. Driven today to find himself and his own way through his own lessons he understands that love is his driving force and he is a gifted healer.
Nine months after my second son was born, feeling devastated, broken, abused and deep within the pits of hell, my daughter was conceived. I cried for the entire pregnancy, stuck and hopeless. She cried for the first three years of her life. She was quiet, insecure, invisible and oblivious to the world, not in a naive way but in an innocent way. One day, at my ultimate worst, debating life or death she came to me. "Mommy, are you ever going to get up and play with me again?"
The healing began and the cycles started breaking. In each of these children a cycle started and over time, through the healing of my soul, honesty and ownership of my choices, actions and unconscious behaviors, the cycles broke, collapsed and opened up new passages. The invisible child stands today confident, driven, sure of herself, and completely present in the now with an amazing ability to process emotion and find clarity.
Seven years after the birth of my daughter, feeling healthy, mind, body and spirit, I gave birth to another son. A wonderful pregnancy, a supportive labor and beautiful delivery, this old soul made his way into the world. Just looking at this precious new life you could see a thousand years of wisdom. he walked into this world with predisposed issues to clear and head strong on the path to clear them. He confidently tells his story, his needs and works through the situation with guidance. It's a gift to be chosen to mother an old soul and a challenge as well.
And then there is the last one, the one who is strong, independent, completely sure of himself, who he is, where he comes from and not willing to budge, change or be influenced. I had a miscarriage and right after, when you are not supposed to get pregnant, I did. I believe that he wasn't sure the first time and after a second thought he came back. I am grateful and learning everyday from this beautiful spirit. He teaches me truth, kindness and the understanding of unconditional love in the ultimate way, for self.
Will all of this said and more understanding coming, I am grateful.....Michelle
The Damn Has Broken
Part one- Crumbs
"I accept crumbs in fear if starvation, never understanding how full I already am."
~Michelle Lynx
Sunken deep in the water of emotional turmoil and hit at every turn with the responsibilities of my life, finding the time to allow any of it to surface or break open has been a struggle till this awakening moment at 3:30am.
Over the years I have traveled down my healing path breaking open issues with all of my parents, trudging through the muck to the other side and then all over again as the next issues surface. This is no different, except for the understanding that my abandonment/father issue is only the instigator not the issue. This is good news as I am almost there, and I breath, ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
The story of my mother and me.
Her childhood left her wounded, deeply wounded from years of abuse to which it's amazing she survived. She desperately wanted a baby, someone to love and even more, someone to love her. After several miscarriages she had all but given up when she became pregnant with me. She couldn't allow herself to get attached, believing that she wouldn't carry me to term, she told herself throughout that I wasn't real. I made it through and from this moment forward I had my role intact. I was to fulfill her, fill the voids and be the love she longed for. I didn't do a very good job as the story goes ,the more she tried to "love"me the more I pushed her away. From infancy, I wouldn't cuddle, snuggle or allow closeness. She thought for a very long time that I hated her because every time she tried to snuggle me I cried till she put me down. I believe I knew, as I know now, when someone "needs" my energy to fill them.
Over time I figured out, to be loved I needed to fill the void and have done that ever since. I carried her pain for a very long time making it my own. At one point in my healing process, I spent the entire intensive processing trauma that never happened to me, events I never experienced. The trauma was my mothers and in the end, with this fully exposed, I was able to release that darkness and was reborn into my own light.
My role in relationships stayed the same. Interestingly, I start out strong unwilling to fill the void and take on the pain, then give in wanting that love till my tolerance runs out, (this is a very long time-I have an amazing amount of tolerance) and then I am done, shut down completely and over it, not willing to let anyone in for a very long time. I should add that through the tolerance, I shut down. Then slowly the pattern starts all over again with different people, or better said, it's ongoing with different people.
I have experienced this with EVERY relationship in my life, the hook in for me, the moment I go from resistance to submission is the moment I fear abandonment (my father issue). This would put me at around age 4-6, when my brother was born, my first "dad" left and I met my real father for the first time who wasn't interested in me.
It's an illusion to believe love is sacrifice. To abandon the true source of love, yourself, in hope of gaining something "love" that isn't even available. The ultimate trick!
After years of healing, understanding and forgiving, I have a relationship with my mother that doesn't have me in that old role. I love her and honor the beautiful woman she is with gratitude everyday for her love and the lessons of our relationship.
It's all the other relationships in my present life that resemble this painful lesson that I get to look at today. The gifts that lead me to my true self. The joy of being grateful to what once brought so much pain.
Aho,
Michelle
Friday, January 28
Blogging Along
I am truly in awe of the level of transparency and sharing that is emerging within the blogging circle. In years past, it seems like it took longer to get to this place, maybe people would finally share deeply by the end of the south direction. This year it is moving much more quickly, and I commend all of us for breaking through the old limitations.
My week offered an opportunity to experience completion yet again. Many years ago, I had the blessing of studying with an elder Hawaiian Kahuna named Raschelle-Lei. She was one of those enlightened ones that made people feel and experience life differently just being in her presence.
When I first met her, she told me right away that there would be a beginning, a middle, and an end to our work together. She was preparing me right at the beginning, so I would not carry a false expectation of her. And just as she had said, we worked together for around a year, then abruptly it was complete. She moved across the country and I completely lost touch with her.
Not being really comfortable with endings or completions, I secretly wondered whether I had offended her or done something "wrong" that caused this break in communication. Yet I knew in my heart that nothing had changed between us, just that the time for a teacher of her level in my life was gone. It was now time for me to step up to the plate and embody all she had passed on to me, time to become my own guru and develop my own divine guidance and connection. Two years later, she contacted me briefly once again, as she was getting ready to leave the earth, and passed on to me the great honor of leadership of the White Raven Lodge. Within a few weeks, she passed out of this plane of existence and continued her work in the spirit world.
This week, I received an e-mail from a person whom I had worked together with in her healing and ascension process. A couple of years ago, I received guidance that our time together was complete, and I needed to honor the completion with this person. Completion is still sometimes my most challenging event, and I am not sure if I did it very gracefully, but I did communicate my need for completion and went on with life.
In the e-mail, she asked me if she had done something that offended me--expressing the same doubts that I had felt when completing my journey with Raschelle-Lei! I was able to communicate my truth and explain my reason for creating an ending. I am not certain how it will be received, but am sure it will create some clarity for this person, and at the very least, allowed me to speak my truth, and to once again face the discomfort that accompanies endings and completions. It is a gift and a growth opportunity.
Yang Jiaou Mai--The Vocation Palace
Patterns and blockages in the Vocation Palace channel originate in present time; how we are living now. So often we forget that our happiness, evolution, and life experience is influenced most by the very way we are living our lives. If we are working in this channel, we may want to ask ourselves to consider the following:
*Are we acting on our truth? Are we acting on our desires? Are we taking action in our daily lives to create the life we want to live?
*Do we have discomfort or judgement about the world--do we always see it in a negative light, or believe it is getting worse?
*Do we know what we want or need to do, but feel afraid to do it?
Patterns in this channel will often create symptoms of extremes; attraction to extreme climates; weight gain and weight loss; thyroid imbalance; and any form of imbalance or disequilibrium in any area of life. The curriculum inherent in this palace involves integrating the ability to act on our dreams and desires. Here we learn to really live our life purpose, and do what we love in life. We must learn to act on inner wisdom and higher guidance, and trust that we will be supported when we do what we love.
When we reach a state of neutrality in this palace, we are doing exactly what we came here to do, and we absolutely know it! It is an ecstatic feeling of being in perfect alignment with life. Our work--regardless of what it may be--is no longer work to us. It is our life's work, filled with passion and purpose. We accept the world, feel a part of it, and feel a contribution to making it a better place. We trust ourselves to take actions to make our dreams become a reality.
My week offered an opportunity to experience completion yet again. Many years ago, I had the blessing of studying with an elder Hawaiian Kahuna named Raschelle-Lei. She was one of those enlightened ones that made people feel and experience life differently just being in her presence.
When I first met her, she told me right away that there would be a beginning, a middle, and an end to our work together. She was preparing me right at the beginning, so I would not carry a false expectation of her. And just as she had said, we worked together for around a year, then abruptly it was complete. She moved across the country and I completely lost touch with her.
Not being really comfortable with endings or completions, I secretly wondered whether I had offended her or done something "wrong" that caused this break in communication. Yet I knew in my heart that nothing had changed between us, just that the time for a teacher of her level in my life was gone. It was now time for me to step up to the plate and embody all she had passed on to me, time to become my own guru and develop my own divine guidance and connection. Two years later, she contacted me briefly once again, as she was getting ready to leave the earth, and passed on to me the great honor of leadership of the White Raven Lodge. Within a few weeks, she passed out of this plane of existence and continued her work in the spirit world.
This week, I received an e-mail from a person whom I had worked together with in her healing and ascension process. A couple of years ago, I received guidance that our time together was complete, and I needed to honor the completion with this person. Completion is still sometimes my most challenging event, and I am not sure if I did it very gracefully, but I did communicate my need for completion and went on with life.
In the e-mail, she asked me if she had done something that offended me--expressing the same doubts that I had felt when completing my journey with Raschelle-Lei! I was able to communicate my truth and explain my reason for creating an ending. I am not certain how it will be received, but am sure it will create some clarity for this person, and at the very least, allowed me to speak my truth, and to once again face the discomfort that accompanies endings and completions. It is a gift and a growth opportunity.
Yang Jiaou Mai--The Vocation Palace
Patterns and blockages in the Vocation Palace channel originate in present time; how we are living now. So often we forget that our happiness, evolution, and life experience is influenced most by the very way we are living our lives. If we are working in this channel, we may want to ask ourselves to consider the following:
*Are we acting on our truth? Are we acting on our desires? Are we taking action in our daily lives to create the life we want to live?
*Do we have discomfort or judgement about the world--do we always see it in a negative light, or believe it is getting worse?
*Do we know what we want or need to do, but feel afraid to do it?
Patterns in this channel will often create symptoms of extremes; attraction to extreme climates; weight gain and weight loss; thyroid imbalance; and any form of imbalance or disequilibrium in any area of life. The curriculum inherent in this palace involves integrating the ability to act on our dreams and desires. Here we learn to really live our life purpose, and do what we love in life. We must learn to act on inner wisdom and higher guidance, and trust that we will be supported when we do what we love.
When we reach a state of neutrality in this palace, we are doing exactly what we came here to do, and we absolutely know it! It is an ecstatic feeling of being in perfect alignment with life. Our work--regardless of what it may be--is no longer work to us. It is our life's work, filled with passion and purpose. We accept the world, feel a part of it, and feel a contribution to making it a better place. We trust ourselves to take actions to make our dreams become a reality.
Perspective
First I have to say "YEAH CRYSTAL RAVEN!" "My comfort zone is definitely working face-to-face in a group and the online/blogging requires more of me to be present to myself, a particular challenge for me." Screw the COMFORT ZONE get after it and shake it up! Love it! Be the tambourine! This advice directly from Blew Thunder in a conversation I had with both Kachina and him yesterday.
So flood gates be open... the perspective I received in that conversation was simple. Very simple. Quit being the victim. For me part of this journey is dealing with abandonment issues, another part forgiveness of self, another is knowing that I am enough and I do love myself, and yet another still is addiction (which is a tricky bastard).
The victim: I am not a victim of my reality. The consequences of my actions are solely brought to me by me. I am the attractant. I am required to take responsibility for my reality or I will be spinning my wheels for as long as it takes to "get a grip." That was a tough one to wrap my head around.
Abandonment: My parents seperated when I was 18 months old and my Mother couldn't take care of me any more so she gave me to my Dad when I was 24 months. They were fighting the entire time I was in the womb and that has only set up for me the feeling of guilt and blame. I've felt my entire life (unknowingly until yesterday) that it was my fault my parents divorced. I'm coming to terms with this. As of now it still chokes me up. I know in my head it's not my fault...it's my heart that needs to really know it though.
Forgiveness: This is where I forgive myself. Still working on it but it has been acknowledged. I am honored to have gotten this lesson expecially in such an "in your face way." It came gently from BT and K but there is no running away from this either. Can't run away from what I know, tried it-not fun. I'm no longer beating myself up over the lessons I'm getting but choosing to look at them with gratitude. It's not easy, in fact it's exhausting, but I have been assured that it will become easier.
Enoughness and Love: This is where I become a person living in my heart. I am a few days behind everyone I believe, I'm at day 13. The question "what changes would you make if you could make any changes you desired?" Well for me to attain the feeling of being enough and deserving love all of these things that I have spoken of need to start rolling. I'm ready and willing, I'm pushing the stone off the hill and watching it roll. Through guidance and Great Spirit I know that all of this is possible. As I have been told I can write my own future.
Addiction: My final crux, addiction. I've had an entity residing in me since I was, well forever. He (it) has helped me survive with loneliness, abandonment, negativity, the lack of communication from my family, and life. It has given me the gift of keeping myself totally cut off from my emotions, and frankly reality. I have a sex addiction. I've miscontrued sex/attention with love. That has made it impossible to have a real intimate relationship with anyone, including myself. It became the escape. I was able to run away from anything that was a challenge in my life with some form of sex. In the beginning I found anyone that would "give it up". I bounced from one meaningless relationship to another and within relationships I cheated on them. Obviously hurting myself and them. I sought prostitutes, random hook-ups, one night stands, D all the above. I've been wreckless with my life and it has affected the relationships I've had including the one I'm in now. The reality of my current situation is that if I don't turn around and look at my past, acknowledge my faults, forgive myself, learn to deserve love because I AM enough, and then continue with the future I envision with gratitude, it will lead me down the path that I've gone too many times before. It's do or die time right now...and I'm not dying. With that said I have a lot to work on, but I don't feel daunted. I've learned to embrace these lessons. Now I'm just moving forward with gratitude for them and as BT says becoming the miracle.
So flood gates be open... the perspective I received in that conversation was simple. Very simple. Quit being the victim. For me part of this journey is dealing with abandonment issues, another part forgiveness of self, another is knowing that I am enough and I do love myself, and yet another still is addiction (which is a tricky bastard).
The victim: I am not a victim of my reality. The consequences of my actions are solely brought to me by me. I am the attractant. I am required to take responsibility for my reality or I will be spinning my wheels for as long as it takes to "get a grip." That was a tough one to wrap my head around.
Abandonment: My parents seperated when I was 18 months old and my Mother couldn't take care of me any more so she gave me to my Dad when I was 24 months. They were fighting the entire time I was in the womb and that has only set up for me the feeling of guilt and blame. I've felt my entire life (unknowingly until yesterday) that it was my fault my parents divorced. I'm coming to terms with this. As of now it still chokes me up. I know in my head it's not my fault...it's my heart that needs to really know it though.
Forgiveness: This is where I forgive myself. Still working on it but it has been acknowledged. I am honored to have gotten this lesson expecially in such an "in your face way." It came gently from BT and K but there is no running away from this either. Can't run away from what I know, tried it-not fun. I'm no longer beating myself up over the lessons I'm getting but choosing to look at them with gratitude. It's not easy, in fact it's exhausting, but I have been assured that it will become easier.
Enoughness and Love: This is where I become a person living in my heart. I am a few days behind everyone I believe, I'm at day 13. The question "what changes would you make if you could make any changes you desired?" Well for me to attain the feeling of being enough and deserving love all of these things that I have spoken of need to start rolling. I'm ready and willing, I'm pushing the stone off the hill and watching it roll. Through guidance and Great Spirit I know that all of this is possible. As I have been told I can write my own future.
Addiction: My final crux, addiction. I've had an entity residing in me since I was, well forever. He (it) has helped me survive with loneliness, abandonment, negativity, the lack of communication from my family, and life. It has given me the gift of keeping myself totally cut off from my emotions, and frankly reality. I have a sex addiction. I've miscontrued sex/attention with love. That has made it impossible to have a real intimate relationship with anyone, including myself. It became the escape. I was able to run away from anything that was a challenge in my life with some form of sex. In the beginning I found anyone that would "give it up". I bounced from one meaningless relationship to another and within relationships I cheated on them. Obviously hurting myself and them. I sought prostitutes, random hook-ups, one night stands, D all the above. I've been wreckless with my life and it has affected the relationships I've had including the one I'm in now. The reality of my current situation is that if I don't turn around and look at my past, acknowledge my faults, forgive myself, learn to deserve love because I AM enough, and then continue with the future I envision with gratitude, it will lead me down the path that I've gone too many times before. It's do or die time right now...and I'm not dying. With that said I have a lot to work on, but I don't feel daunted. I've learned to embrace these lessons. Now I'm just moving forward with gratitude for them and as BT says becoming the miracle.
Thursday, January 27
Are You Dreaming Big Enough?
Eagle Eye has inspired me to say a bit about my 90 day experiences. This is the second time I've done the journey. The first was while I was at White Sage for 3 months the very end of 2008. I was there for almost exactly 90 days and finished the East and the South. When I got home I continued and did finish several months later. Somethings about the experience at home left me incomplete. Kachina and Blew Thunder were complete with their process and the spiritual container we created as a group of three seemed to be closed. At the very least it was only standing on one of three legs! I also missed having the constant interaction and opportunity to experience the lessons with two incredible teachers. Regardless, I had lots of expansion and shifting that occurred in my life and I am forever grateful for the opportunity that was offered to me.
One day Michael said to me "maybe you're not dreaming big enough". That simple statement is blazing in my mind during this current Medicine Wheel Walk. I'm using it as a touchstone telling myself to dream big although I could really use some of that badger energy! OMG! I just got that I need to call on badger for help (thanks BT). My comfort zone is definitely working face-to-face in a group and the online/blogging requires more of me to be present to myself, a particular challenge for me. Thank you all for sharing yourselves and for being in my circle during this time. Blessings and Grace.
Crystal Raven
One day Michael said to me "maybe you're not dreaming big enough". That simple statement is blazing in my mind during this current Medicine Wheel Walk. I'm using it as a touchstone telling myself to dream big although I could really use some of that badger energy! OMG! I just got that I need to call on badger for help (thanks BT). My comfort zone is definitely working face-to-face in a group and the online/blogging requires more of me to be present to myself, a particular challenge for me. Thank you all for sharing yourselves and for being in my circle during this time. Blessings and Grace.
Crystal Raven
This is not Dark Horse. It is her husband Mojo Navigator. I m really liking the ritual of putting on the stones or oil, taking the flower essences, putting on the Unity Tone cd and then coloring int the workbook. The coloring really focuses my intention. Answering the questions before coloring brings my mind into the present and leads it to the task of figuring out things like what symbol represents my higher power. We do this together at the same time every day. I can see how doing this 90 days in a row will be transforming. ONWARD!
Wednesday, January 26
The first step
Well I would like to introduce myself...I'm Steve Eagle Eye Lyall. A little history from me, I have attempted the 90 journey officially once before and once on my own both ending tragically. Tragically because of the lack of persistance with it. The first time I went to the circle meetings, while Kachina and Blew were in Anchorage, I played along fooling myself into an illusion. The illusion was I was going to do this to acquire clarity on my life as I knew it. Well that worked I just didn't receive it until now...years later. I only fininshed the East and at most 2 or 3 days into the South. Honesty at the time was difficult for me to convey to anyone including myself. I kept along, meeting on the days required, and still in my personal life doing the bare minimum. Personal life consisting of job, emotional work, relationship, addiction, and of course the 90 day journey. I seemed to be a fraud...though I was learning lessons, and especially in retrospec,t WOW, have I learned some lessons. On to the second time maybe a year later or so I don't really remember. I started again out of spite almost. In my relationship I have always been motivated by what my partner is doing for herself. First issue learned. I wanted to "work" on me by starting and completing the 90 day journey; maybe to prove something...not sure what or to whom. What I learned out of this experience was I can't do anything for anyone else thinking it is going to make me a better person. Only when I realized that I have to do what is good for me in order to be good to others was this journey a true reality. That leads me to now. I am working on consistancy and being persistant. I am doing this 90 day journey this time for me. In order to, in the long run, help others. Helping others isn't the primary goal though I know it will be tangent that comes with the territory. I welcome that. So now in this third time I will finish. I am incredibly grateful for the oppurtunity to be here in this group. By the graciousness of Kachina and Blew Thunder I have been able to join this group now. I had started it on my own again before I contacted them for more info that I was missing. I am ready to bare my soul to myself, my partner, my family, and this group. Ironically for me everyone but a few in this group I don't know. It is a huge lesson for me to be able to speak my truth to not only people that I know but more importantly to have the courage to speak to the people that I don't. This will help me to make the transition to living in my heart from my brain. I'm working on the Prosperity Palace. That for me is powerful as I am quite judgemental, opinionated, worried of what others think of me, at times filled with guilt and jealousy, and overall don't believe that I am enough. I see others telling me I am a great person for years they have been saying that. Just took till now for me to start to believe it :) I'm on a path that is leading to the unknown but what I do know is that if I'm honest with myself and forthcoming with others I will be taken care of. I look forward to continuing this journey and keeping in regular contact. Again I would like to say thank you to Kachina and Blew for this oppurtunity in joining the circle. I'm eagerly awaiting the package. In gratitude for Great Spirit. Thanks, Eagle Eye
My husband has a sweet tooth...a variation on the tapioca came to me
1 cup organic tapioca
1 cup apple cider
half cup OJ
half cup coconut water (guidance told me all coconut, I substituted with cider and OJ as I didn't have it on hand)
cook until clear
Add
half cup unsweetened fine grated organic dry coconut
a third cup large grate coconut
quarter cup maple syrup
a third cup crushed pecans tossed in syrup
spread lightly on top
Bake 350 30 minutes or less depending on consistency you prefer- we like it chewy
this is a dense treat- only need tiny portions to satisfy
Again ,use all organic ingredients and check first for benefit
I am still wishing more people would blog and share their input and experiences
from the winter wonderland of Pennsylvania.....Dark Horse
Add
1 cup organic tapioca
1 cup apple cider
half cup OJ
half cup coconut water (guidance told me all coconut, I substituted with cider and OJ as I didn't have it on hand)
cook until clear
Add
half cup unsweetened fine grated organic dry coconut
a third cup large grate coconut
quarter cup maple syrup
a third cup crushed pecans tossed in syrup
spread lightly on top
Bake 350 30 minutes or less depending on consistency you prefer- we like it chewy
this is a dense treat- only need tiny portions to satisfy
Again ,use all organic ingredients and check first for benefit
I am still wishing more people would blog and share their input and experiences
from the winter wonderland of Pennsylvania.....Dark Horse
Add
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