Courage and Trust Where For Art Thou?

I was thinking about the Olympic downhill ski jump the other day. They take some serious air without fear but in totally trust -- no poles. They do it over and over again. That is their life. I feel like I have jetisoned out before with my mediumship but now I’m at the gate again -- wanting to fly but being in fear. I venture out and retreat back to the comfort zone just like they do at the gate. I’m in the rocking chair motion. My kidneys and I need to talk.

The hula hoop is a good barometer of where I’m at in this moment as it hits my kidneys. Many days I can not make it go beyond a few revolutions. My will is weak at times, and I’m trying hard to find my core to move it as it doesn’t work any other way. How to be in my core all the time hmmmm. I know this has to do with what Kathryn was referring to the “unconsciousness” pattern and her movement classes. Time to get back at it.

I’ve come out of the closet in the public with my eating. I’ll warm up roots on the stove in schools where I sub. I’ve made my own section in the frig where all my healthy oils and food reside. I bought a cast iron skittle, wooden spoons, and glass containers for juices. I’ve gotten over being embarrassed about asking questions about food. I’ve been eating well for a long time with just a few lapses -- longer than ever before and I’m juicing all the time. I even woke up one day and looked in the mirror and saw beauty radiating out -- how did that happen!

I spent 4 days locked in my house cleaning out books on cancer or food for cancer, other books I not longer need or want in my new life, a couple of bookcases, and tons of school material that I just carted off to schools yesterday. I shredded mounds of medical papers on this surgery and that surgery -- this procedure and that procedure. It was a no brainer with the books but I hadn’t thought about my medical records. If I’m carrying the thoughts about cancer in books and medical records in my house space, then it is still in the realm of possibility because it is still in my auric field. Aha! Not no more! The only paperwork I did not shred was my two miscarriages as I need to do deep cell work with it. I’ve cleared other levels but probably not that one. I no longer exist in my past on a conscious level but the past still lingers inside the cells. I need a total constitutional cleansing and hmmm what else?

It seems I needed to do this external cleaning to help with the internal cleaning. I get discouraged but I guess when I look at the past weeks and all I’ve accomplished, I’ve jumped and only hit a few potholes along the way and the wagon wheel can be repaired.

Joni Mist Walker

Dissolving Unconsciousness

For those of us who have chosen to walk a path of increasing consciousness, it is important to bring consciousness in to our everyday lives. It is fairly easy to go up on a mountain top and meditate and have an experience of conscious expansion. It is somewhat more challenging to have the same experience while you are washing the dishes or taking out the garbage!

Here is a quote from Eckhart Tolle's little book, Practicing the Power of Now. I feel it is pertinent to the work we are all doing in the 90 Day process, as well as in our lives. "To stay present in everyday life, it helps to be deeply rooted in yourself; otherwise the mind, which has incredible momentum, will drag you along like a wild river. It means to inhabit your body fully, to always have some of your attention in the inner energy field of your body. To feel your body from within, so to speak. Body awareness keeps you present. It anchors you in the now."

By focusing your attention on the inner energy field of your body, you move awareness from the past/future polarity that is the mind, into the pure awareness of the present. We can always cope with the present moment. What we can not cope with, or change, or prepare for, or keep from happening, is the future. The answer, the strength, the courage, the power, the resource, the right action-it will always be there, in the moment when we need it. Not before, and not after. Everything else is the mind's way of masturbation.

A great practice to increase your presence is to habitually ask yourself, "What is going on inside me at this moment? Am I at ease in this moment? Where do I feel this moment in my physical body?" Instantly the attention is drawn from the mind into the body, from the polarity of past/future into the now.

You may begin to observe all the ways in which the mind will attempt to resist this level of consciousness. It comes as judgement, discontent, and attempts toward mental projection out of the now. An emotional feeling may surface of boredom, unease, nervousness, or tension. These are both aspects of the mind in its habitual resistance mode. If you continue to hold your attention on the inner world, you will gradually gain power in the heart consciousness-in the present moment.

When we become fully present in the moment, awake in every situation in which we find ourselves, then our actions become very powerful. Our intentions become aligned with the universe as it truly is, not as we think it is or should be. From this space of true awareness, any actions that are generated contain the power of alignment and the intuitive awareness that comes from being in the present. They are not generated from reference points of the past or attachments to an imagined future.

This is the point where love, power, and consciousness come together. This is ascension.

Kachina

Polarity and Feeding..HMMMM

My days are interesting and kind of all over the place. One minute I am deeply connected and the next, just going through the motions. I focus on being present, having patience and purpose but I am pulled in the opposite direction often. I see that Polarity is all around me in thinking and functioning.

I am in limbo and moving forward. I have outgrown my life in a way that makes me feel edgy and bored to be in it. I know that sounds strange given all of the growth but the day to day stuff, well, I am over it. I want to use the time in between the “half to” stuff for more creation yet I find myself too blah about the “half to” stuff to move.

I am standing on a cliff ready to take flight, excited and in awe, like seeing a sunset for the first time or walking in warm sand barefoot. Then responsibility slaps me in the face and says, “don’t forget about”, I stop listening and do. Doing with my body and flying in spirit, when smack I hit the ground in a pile of laundry with the alarm clock going off. I say I just want five more minutes but really I want a lifetime.

I have told the story of the two wolves to several people recently, in response to “what is it you are feeding”. It’s only fitting that it’s exactly what I am looking at. I thought I would share as a reminder to myself.

I am humbly grateful, Michelle

What am I feeding today?

The Story of Two Wolves
A Grandfather from the Cherokee Nation was talking with his grandson.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves."

"One wolf is evil and ugly: He is anger, envy, war, greed, self-pity, sorrow, regret, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, selfishness and arrogance."

"The other wolf is beautiful and good: He is friendly, joyful, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, justice, fairness, empathy, generosity, true, compassion, gratitude, and deep VISION."

"This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other human as well."

The grandson paused in deep reflection because of what his grandfather had just said.
Then he finally asked: "Grandfather, which wolf will win?"

The elder Cherokee replied, "The wolf that you feed."

Action?

I walk gently, recognizing the pattern of my mind. I cannot figure it out, I cannot rationalize or logically understand how everything is going to work out. There is no way to do that, it is quite literally impossible. Because no matter what my brain thinks up, the path I am on is illuminated by a force, greater then the aspect of my mind that I have access to. To attempt to "understand" and plan leads me to a wall of panic, stress and doubt, EVERY TIME!
I am noticing the pattern and I am now able to recognize how I can influence the scattered emotions of my egos mind. And they are all right here in this present moment. Every time I allow myself to go down the road of "how is this all going to work out" and attempt to sit down and make a list of the steps and ways in which it will all unfold, I am hit with the panic button. Each idea I think up leads me to a road block or dead end because the root of each idea is connected to some sort of self-sacrifice and repression in order to gain something. money but at the sacrifice of my passion, love at the sacrifice of my freedom, recognition at the sacrifice of my integrity. Until I stop and recognize that tomorrow doesn't matter, tomorrow never comes and the more I fixate on tomorrow, the more I miss my opportunities of today, to create through present moment actions the results my heart desires for tomorrow. The actions can be as grand as booking clients and networking myself (if that is what I am called and guided to do) or as "simple" as setting intentions and feeling gratitude for all the gifts that are present in this moment, in my life right now.
I am identifying a misperseption I have of the word action. Up to this point I have viewed action as a very yang or male energy. To me it meant go, do something, get out there and accomplish whatever it is that you've been thinking about, it meant very much engaging in the world and other people, a very hands on, exerted energy. Which I might add always made me feel depleted just at the thought of it, so I avoided action all together. I am now realizing that action through intention setting, consistent use of affirmation, visualizing, making offerings, expressing gratitude etc are all ways to take action outwardly. And are all very effective ways to create positive change in ones life.

Yesterday I was freaking out, again. Money worries, self-doubt, questions of how, how how? The more I thought, the more despair I felt. Then like a lightning bolt, which I'm embarrassed to say has hit me many times before, I was again reminded of where I was. Here in the present moment. I was offered an assignment, for the duration of the South. Each morning when I go out to make my offering, well lets be honest, first off each morning I am to go out and make an offering, I am to ask "what action can I take today to assist me on my path?" and then do it.
That's where I am in this moment. That is as far as I've gotten.

For today I am being still and centered in gratitude. Again I am reminded, today I am healthy, I have a roof over my head, a cozy bed, beautiful vibrant food to eat, people who love me and all the earth I can explore! Why waste my time in worry when I can immerse myself in such a wonderful present moment experience?

Progress, Not Perfection

I have been Blewing Thunder again, down here in the South!! I am just getting back into rhythm after a great visit with Kathryn's folks and family. It was probably the first time in that family setting without experiencing any kharmic exchanges, which I attribute to my progress in the last three years of the 90 Day Program.

After 900 miles put on the odometer, and lots of time to review, I am recognizing and realizing the progress I have made. I am being able to relate to each and every one of those that have been BLOGging and reaffirming how similar every one of us are. And relating to those who have not BLOGged, understanding how you feel.

For some of you that know me, you might think it is easy for me to talk. Well guess what! A little over 24 years ago, I sobered up. Through a 12 step program, and the group meetings, I was encouraged to share what was going on in my life. Filled with terror, I spoke anyway, often with armpits around my neck and sometimes concerned about wetting pants! Just pure terror. But more than anything else, I wanted to sober up and heal my life.

It took me the longest time to learn to get out of my head and into my heart. My ego kept me in my head. Bucky Fuller talked about ego suicide. He said this is where we could truly get into our life's work. I was told that is what would help me heal the old wounds.

The next level of terror came from when I had to look at myself and write down a moral inventory of me. Then I had to share it with another human being. I was so scared that I didn't think that I could do it honestly. But here again, I was told that if I did this, the compulsion for me to drink and do drugs would leave me. I was only as sick as my secrets.

Once again, the most important thing for me was that I wanted to live a life of quality. I wanted to live my life's work. The only way I could get present was to heal the wreckage of my past. For over 7 years I went to 12 step meetings and I learned a new way of living. It came through listening to other people share all of the events in their lives; the good, the bad, and the ugly. As a result of that, I came to understand how alike we all are. I learned who I was by hearing the stories of others.

Through another workshop I went to years ago, one thing that stands out for me, was how to release kharma. In talking with Kathryn, as she has assisted me in writing this post, she pointed out once again the medicine wheel; the equation "thoughts" (female left hand raised above the head) in the EAST, "feeling" (through the heart) in the SOUTH, "spoken word" (right hand down towards Mother Earth) in the WEST, and "emracing it with gratitude and enthusiasm" (hands encircled) in the NORTH; visualize a lightening bolt entering through the left hand, passing through the heart and out through the right hand into the ground, then encircling the whole.

The biggest key is having a witness to the spoken words. The witness is where the freedom comes, because another human being has heard, along with the creator. We can also honor artful disclosure, the wisdom to know the difference of when to share and who to share with. The more I can share and the more humble I can get, the more people I can assist in understanding that we are all one heart, truly. The paradox is the purest form of healing.

I was also told that if I wanted to keep this freedom, I would have to share this freedom with others. While down south with Kathryn's family, I got to notice the challenge that my brother-in-law has with alcohol, and the constant bickering between he and his wife, because of alcohol. Today I can see how much it is because of alcohol. Both of them are wonderful people, yet the kharmic exchange that gets locked in makes it almost impossible to get out.

And so what Kathryn and I did was to show them a different way to live. Not through promotion, just as a result of observing how we live as partners. We felt good about what we had to share with them, our true essence. And they had tears in their eyes and said "Thank you" when we had our good-byes.

I was once told that if I can see progress in someone else, then that means I am healing too-because I am the last one to be able to see myself. So I keep moving towards spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection. And that is part of how the blue circle came to be.

So I truly thank those that have shared. Our true desire is to create a safe space here, where people feel supported to share. In Anchorage we could hold a physical space for this, and our intention is for recreating this here. A safe and neutral space.

And I thank my Ancestors for giving me the courage to share. Aho.

Blew Thunder

The South

Here we are in the South direction now. I am already having opportunities to TAKE ACTION as we move through this direction.

Sometimes these opportunities involve making a difficult choice, or a hard communication. When this happens, I have learned to feel gratitude for this, because it means I am in the right place. It means that I am willing to act with courage, the transmutational emotion of the heart.

I commend all of you who are sharing your process on the BLOG. It takes courage to pick up the talking stick time after time and let people see you. I will say that each of you contributes an amazing energy and perspective to the group. You have inspired me, and it does not matter how short or long your communications are. The fact is that you have connected and brought forth your essence into this group arena. Thank you!

I also thank those of you who are choosing to observe. For some of us, it is a challenge simply to find the time to log on and read the blog every day. This too is taking an action toward positive change.

I have recently received a few opportunities to TRUST my own DISCERNMENT once again. These are opportunities of the South, and the guides tell me that as we develop greater trust, our discernment becomes stronger as well. They are two sides of the same coin.

Three days ago I awakened with a chant going through my mind. It is a series of sacred sounds (sounds like an Eastern language) that are designed to assist in merging the physical cellular body with the 5D light body. I was told that it would be very beneficial to chant this chant while standing near the second harmonizer, every morning for a period of time. I decided that today on the New Moon is the day to begin. Another opportunity to take action!

As a last thought, there has been at least one person that has had a challenge getting on the BLOG. If there is anyone else out there who is trying to post and can not get it to work, please do e-mail me!

Gratitude to all,
Kachina

Gifts of Love through the Veil

I am so full of joy to read all the amazing things you are all doing in the 90-days. Wow, you are taking great steps! You are all so brave,powerful and committed. The spirits are with us.

After I pressed the send button to my attorney to offer a discounted house-buying option to my nieces. I knew i was exhausted and needed to rest. I feel I was substantially complete in healing my Prosperity channel when I pressed that button. But I was perplexed over the next 2 days thinking,"what can I do to relax?" Shortly, I broke my right wrist sledding, had surgery. Now i get to walk through a fully conscious healing of the Health channel and I get mandatory R & R: the set up to truely rest between cycles, to be the North, winter, stillness, integration. This completely compliments my desire for kidney restoration, the intention that I will rise in the morning feeling truly refreshed!

Kathryn's latest blog reminded me of how our healing of our Selves heals our Ancestors. I experienced this before. Through these steps I will be gifting my brothers on the other side of the veil Ben & Frank with healing. I feel such joy to be able to assist them, to continue loving and caring for them. Gifts of the heart through the veils.

Depths of my Soul

Never could I have guessed all that my animal communication class would do for me-after just one week here, it is apparent that a new layer of soul has been revealed, and I can't say that necessarily feels good. I feel raw, exposed, vulnerable, and am not in control of my emotions-a place I would not consciously have chosen to go. Halfway through the week, I wanted to quit because it was so uncomfortable-a sure sign that I needed to continue. There have been many tears for me this week, revealing to me so many suppressed & unconscious memories and fears.

Animals are deep, emotional beings who have such profound lessons for us which are sometimes hard, if not impossible, for the human mind to fathom. They are beings of honesty, integrity, strength and courage, and most importantly, unconditional love. Rarely have I encountered a human who so possesses such qualities-certainly, we are here to learn these lessons in our lifetimes. Talking with so many animals this week, listening to them, truly hearing them and experiencing previously unknown feelings of unconditional love has been hard to take. It has shown me a tremendous amount about myself and the guards I put up around my Heart.

There is no b.s. with animals, and experiencing such truth with them has been profound and frightening. Most of my life, I have just not allowed myself to go here-it can be a very uncomfortable place. In order to hear and understand animals, I have to hear and understand myself. What a journey this has been! I recognize my discomfort as a sign for me to absolutely continue-it is the best thing I can do for myself. Uncomfortable as it may be right now, I look forward to sharing the rest of my life with these amazing beings on this new level.
Aho, EarthSong

Blessings from the Ancestors

As Blew Thunder and I were driving back toward White Sage Landing yesterday, we had an opportunity to observe and process all we had experienced in the last several days. One of the reasons that Spirit had for us to make this journey now instead of another time only became apparent to us as we reviewed.

The medicine bird that appeared several times on our journey south to Mesa, and kept appearing over and over while we were there, was the vulture (some call it the turkey vulture because of his red, featherless head). The vulture was the bird that appeared at my side as we first arrived at White Sage Landing. It is a bird that holds the keys to shape-shifting, and is also a medicine for writers and teachers, especially those who live in solitude. I had understood that vulture would be helping me as I wrote the Food for Ascension book.

We had printed the first couple of copies of the book on our own printer as a test run, and gathered those together to take along with us as we left for Mesa. I had absolutely no expectation, almost did not even take them, since I know my family is not very interested in healing with food or the ascension process.

When we arrived in Mesa, I took the books in the house and showed them to my family, then set them on a coffee table and promptly forgot about them. They sat there the whole time we were visiting. Every time I went out, vultures magically appeared, one was even flying down to the ground and swooping up over my head, then circling back and doing it again! Blew Thunder called my attention to the writer's medicine all around us, and he connected the dots for me to see that the bird was making an acknowlegement of the completion of this book.

Then on the final morning of our visit, as we were preparing to leave, the strangest thing happened. We arrived at their house around 9:00 and walked in. Suddenly the "gates" had opened. My father said he had read the first two stories in the book, Kathryn and Michael's stories. Then my sister Carla asked if she could buy a book to take home-she had read the first two stories. Then my mother said she had read the whole introduction chapter and wanted to finish the book. Finally even Doug, my brother-in-law said he had read the first two stories. Everyone was excited about the book and naming people they thought would want one... So Michael and I left the books there with them and went on our way, amazed at the shift that had taken place without even an intention on our part.

Then, further in our drive, when we saw the vulture again, we both got it at once. This journey, on a spiritual level, was about receiving the blessing of our Ancestors for the book! Of course! We laughed.

When we arrived home this morning, we took the book to our printer and dropped it off. The first 50 copies will be picked up in a week. Food for Ascension Recipes will then be available for purchase through our website. It feels as though we have entered a new era of our lives together, like passing a major landmark. It feels good.

Kachina

connections to close strangers

After reading Michelle's most recent post, something has become so very clear to me...I too have been scared to have someone else "own" me. Never thought of the fear with that name before, but that is EXACTLY what I feel.

I recently married by best friend and soul mate in September who has been a part of my life for 13 years. I love him with every part of myself but have yet to take the steps to change my name...and I did not know why until now.

When I was 20, my parents announced they were getting divorced. At that time we (my now husband Chris and myself) where getting ready to move to Alaska. My brother was 13 and both my parents were so very distant and removed...a very hard situation to leave behind; But I did. I had to. I became such an independent person after that, but the scars of my parents divorce stuck with me and played a huge part in Chris and I not getting married (we actually discussed avoiding the process all together at one point), we always just said we were "too young". An excuse.

After 5 years of exploring the last frontier, something drew us back to Vermont and we left our dreamland behind. That something was our families...our roots...US. At that point we realized that marriage was not scary, not "bad", and we got engaged...a surprise to us both. A huge stepping stone in our relationship.

At the present moment, after accepting marriage into my life, I feel that I am still holding onto a little of that scared person that feels protective of the individuality that I created for my self...I think that is why I am having such a difficult time taking on Chris's last name. I want to move past that fear and encompass all that is me, including my husband.

So, here I am at another one of the 10 year marks as Michelle describes, looking 30 straight in the eye facing the same challenge of creating individuality but with a different set of rules from another perspective...huh. Life is so interesting!

I would like to create the intention to encompass who I am and my individuality by including aspects of all the people in my life. Chris is me and I him, my old views are no longer valid. I am an individual regardless of the name I carry, it does not change my values...my soul. I accept that and move forward, letting go of the past and past beliefs.

Thank you all for your help.

Less seeking, More learning

I am grateful for the lessons, the knowledge and the experience of this lifetime. I see and understand that the more I let go of the seeking of answers, the dissecting of moments, the searching for knowledge and the anxiety of whats next, I learn.

I have lived in constant change for the last ten years after, what I consider, hitting "rock bottom" and choosing to live. What is even more interesting is that I have essentially been reborn every ten years of this lifetime. When I turned 20, I gave birth to Zach, the child I believe saved my life. Now at 40, I am finally coming into myself as all the years previous have prepared me for. This time by conscious choice.

As of July 1, I no longer have a job, which I have created and I am not looking for a new one. Hurray! My husband has manifested the job he wanted and what appears to be a smooth transition for our move. We have shifted in balance of our roles as we awakened in White Sage. Not just with the "job" thing although that is obvious.


This is a long way to come for a girl starting adulthood as a mother, needing to prove the world wrong and stay off of welfare. The fearful woman who lost herself and fought back with monetary success and walls in place to keep her safe is whole. I am now a solid women finding strength in vulnerability. It came to me as I was filling out the paperwork to change my name, The fight in me is over.


Steve and I will renew our vows soon with new rings. When we married in the medicine wheel, we began with our intentions in commitment to ourselves and our own paths. Over the past 2 1/2 years that has been our lives, focused on self. We exchanged beautiful wooden rings, delicate and not resistant to normal wear. Most of the time they were off. A shift happened in White Sage and now it's time to move to the next stage. Partnership. We will exchange new rings. Solid rings and bury the old ones in the earth in ceremony of this new phase and gratitude of the old. During this 90 day journey, I healed another layer and I am ready to have his name. Part of my fight within was that I would never let another person own me again. When I married Steve, I refused to change my name. That has shifted in me and as it may just be a name, for me it is about being open to allow someone else in.


It's a beautiful realization to trust and allow as I am getting comfortable with living at turtle speed, at least on most days.


In gratitude and reflection, Michelle

A Prayer for My Physical Ancestors

At no other time do I have the opportunity to walk in the midst of my physical ancestors than when I spend time with my family, particularly my parents. It is as if a time tunnel opens and I see their strengths, issues, and power. I hear their stories. I feel the pain bodies and their triumphs. I know their unfulfilled desires, and their deep compassion for the world. Each generation came to complete something for the ones that had gone before, and prepared a new foundation for the ones that would follow. There is an unbroken line of connection that reaches back to the very beginning of this planetary human experience that defies the concept of linear time.

I offer my gratitude for each one who walked before us. Thank you for your willingness. Thank you for your warrior spirit, and your can-do attitudes! Thank you for your adaptability and desire for creating positive change. Thank you for your big hearts and your trust in the goodness of life-no matter how much or how little of that goodness you experienced personally. I know that my journey of ecstasy through the ascension process is not only for myself, and for those of my time and the future. It is very truly for you of the past, for you have created this possibility through your willingness and desire.

I have spent several years learning to see God in every face, every thought, every decision, every situation. Now I am experiencing the transition into full consciousness, experiencing the whole reality as being conscious. Here surrounded by my birth family is the most powerful place for me to burn through the veils of illusion and reveal the God within every one. I am deeply thankful for this opportunity.

Aho.

Kachina

Money, Gifts and Lessons.

I am in transitions with the financial system, with financial security as I know it and have known it up to this point. It is an interesting and challenging place to be. I just recently recognized the process (I've been in it and in major denial for a year) that I am going through and since that realization have been able to relax a little more into the experiences that come with it.
I remember when I first began this self-inquiry journey 4 years ago the first step was to take back my personal healing power and let go of the western health care system. So I opted not to get heath insurance, whenever I get sick I recognize it as the bodies natural cleansing and use the tools and remedies that I have learned to assist in my healing process. I haven't been to a doctor or dentist in three years and feel amazing, as only I know what is best for me. I do recognize the value in these systems but feel there is an element of control and abuse that is predominant and participating in it wasn't the best choice for me.
Second, I had to let go of the education system and belief that the only way to create substantial success was to have a degree. Given how I was raised, I never really believed in that one anyway but there was a subconscious part of me that held onto a little bit of doubt. Ironically I was in my first month of college when I met Kathryn Sharp and upon that first meeting I decided to drop out of school and proceed to follow my feelings and learn and study from her. That was the beginning of the wild and crazy journey of the last 4 years. I've gone all over and studied with many amazing teacher, experienced amazing things, grown in incredible ways and above all I got to meet myself. Something I've never seen advertised for college educations.
Not all of these decision were well received by my parents but I was on a new path and part of the requirements was to look at all the tribal beliefs that I had been raised with and pick and choose which ones resonated with me and which ones I was willing to walk away from and then do it.
Now, I have moved on to the financial aspect. Which I have to say is the one that scares me the most and probably why I put it off for so long. I have $37.00 in the bank, that's all! No savings, no secret pile of cash in case of emergencies, nada. I am living on trust, since the guidance that has come in is still giving me a no on going back to work. I have been guided to begin taking steps to create the type of work I want when the time is right but for now I am to relax and trust in the process. BIG assignment, close to impossible.
I spent several months freaking out, up all night running lists of my expenses in my head and watching as my small security blanket shrunk away to nothing. Then what? What do I do now?
I stop and breath, I let go a little more and I realized I am here now. Today all my needs are met. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, people who love me, food to eat, nature to walk in...what else do I need? Tomorrow I may have $0.00 in my account but I will still have all of those other things. So now until I am guided to the next step in regards to being self-sufficient, I walk in complete trust that any additional needs will be provided. I completely believe that and know that since I am listening I will be taken care of.
A huge shift has come in for me since beginning the 90 days in regards to my relationship with the financial system. And I am really feeling this trust that all will be okay and as I sink into that feeling more and more and express gratitude for what I have in this moment I am shown the support of the universe.
I have to let go of the beliefs that:
Having money makes me more valuable as a person.
Having money is the only way to feel safe and secure in life.
Having financial success is the only way to validate my integrity and quality of my work to the world.
That money will always be there in bulk, so to speak, if I am true to my path/heart.
Now I am seeing there is an ebb and flow to financial support. Sometimes its abundant sometimes not so much but that both places are safe and necessary. It is a great place to slow down and become centered and reevaluate personal choices, reconnect to the universe and ask for assistance.
I feel it has really allowed me to become more efficient in the way I live and to live more simply.
It is also a very humbling place to be, asking and accepting assistance from others, being open and willing to receive support in whichever way it comes, is probably the hardest part for me.
I (up to this point) was of the mentality "I am a woman hear me roar!" In other words I can take care of myself and don't need help from anyone! I had to prove myself and now I am learning that it is beneficial to both give and receive and to find the balance in those two acts. And also knowing that accepting assistance doesn't make you weak but that there is a powerful energy exchange in both the act of giving and the act of receiving. Side note, this time around I am working on the prosperity and wealth channels, coincidence? Working through my financial fears is a HUGE piece for me!
So for today I give gratitude for the nature spirits, the snow, oatmeal, friends and family, the 90 day process and group, my cozy bed, yoga and gift of this earth walk and all the lessons, initiations and blessings that come with. I, with all of my soul and being, believe that I create my reality so for today I am abundant!

Shifts

I am here at my 7 day advanced animal communication class with Carol Gurney, an expert in the field. Carol is a great instructor, very professional, and requires us to get tons of validation and confirmation, which is both terrifying (in case we get things wrong) and unbelievably amazing (when we get things right). I am having an amazing time! Like I mentioned, Carol is very professional, deliberating staying away from "woo-woo words" when she teaches (chakras, psychic, etc.) because she feels none of those words are pertinent to talking with animals, and I have to agree with her. Not that Carol doesn't believe in them, she just uses discernment when interacting with a group. Amazingly, even people who are open to talking with animals may not believe in energy and so forth. With all this being said, I was fascinated to learn yesterday that she uses dowsing extensively in her practice but doesn't share that information with her clients. She uses it only for body scanning after actually talking to an animal, but still! I was so excited to learn that, which was just another confirmation for me about that part of my life. Also, she mentioned that if we were interested, she has a friend who hosts a "very safe" sweat lodge! Who knew? She is a professional business woman, very "type A" and scientific, and I never would have guessed. I have been getting validations everywhere about what Michael and Kathryn have taught me.

I have noticed changes in myself since being here. I would say that I am out of my typical comfort zone, traveling or being in a group without at least one of my sisters with me. I knew no one when I came here, and I have found myself interacting very differently with people than I would have thought. I am normally kind of shy and reserved when I don't know people, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore (yay!). I find myself approaching the other women and am truly interested in them, and have made some good friends. I have also noticed that I am much less attached to what others think of me than I ever have been in the past, which means that I am not afraid to be who I am. I attribute all of this to this 90 day journey. The changes might sound subtle, but they are huge for me!

Finally, there is an observation that I have made since being here. Actually, I can't tell if it is an observation or a judgement. Either way, I am in a group of women, most of whom are quite conscious and aware of "things" (hypnotherapists, Reiki masters, etc.). My observation is that most don't seem to be aware of the high-frequency food part of life, the part that Kathryn teaches. There is one girl who has been a vegan for 26 years, which is great, but I sense a depletion in her. Many others have health issues left and right, and are trying to be health conscious but perhaps don't have the correct info? It's just interesting, and I am seeing a real need for this type (Core Foods) of information in the world. It is truly unique information.

Today, some friends and I are going to Malibu Beach, which is where I am sensing the programmed crystal is going to be placed. Thank goodness, because there is nothing but concrete around here and I was beginning to wonder. In light, Earth Song

Watching the Play of Energy

It is amazing spending just a few days with my original family, and getting to observe the ways that the family members use and dance with energy. I get to see the places where attention was (and still is) focused, the lenses and perspectives that were cultivated as I was growing up and forming my foundation for this life.

I had no idea how much I would learn about myself through visiting the family during the 90 day program. I have come to appreciate the gifts that came through this formative process so much more thnt I had in the past. I am realizing now how much of my experience has been colored by my own choices, even as child. It is all about what I chose inside the blue circle, even if my choices were unconscious at the time.

I can see other family members repeating the same unconscious patterns and how much power the group pattern has held over this family. Even when you can see the pattern clearly, it is a challenge to maintain consciousness when "submersed" in it. I am blessed with a second set of eyes and ears, through Blew Thunder, who can gently inform me when I begin to fall asleep-telling me that my body posture has changed, my head is being held differently, I am speaking or acting different from myself. These are clues for when I am beginning to go unconscious in the family pattern.

Today I setting the intention to stay fully conscious and present in all situations with family members. All my interactions come from love, truth, awareness and choice. I will let you know how this goes for me today. It feels like diving into a pool of black water where no one can see each other, and trying to communicate. And underneath the gummy black opacity are six powerful people who deeply desire to love each other. They (we) just have not figured out how to do so, or what that really means in this lifetime.

In the past I have energetically protected myself and stayed out of the black zone, just observing the play of energy without getting emotionally involved in their messy games. It was the only way I could stay in integrity and in my blue circle.

This time feels different. It is still like wearing a mask, since they can not share in the largest part of my life, care not to know about personal or planetary ascension, and are stubbornly attached to the family roles. But this time it feels as though none of that matters, and the guides keep telling me that there is a real silver lining opportunity here if I am willing to stay present through each moment.

Walk in Beauty

And the path continues

I have talked of the transition to my womb name, as this journey carries me along so does the integration of myself in so many ways beyond the name. I went to see Alice in Wonderland a couple of days ago. I sat there absorbing the storyline along with the amazing graphics and giggled at the humor of everything representing my life as it unfolds. They kept asking her if she was THE Alice and she kept saying she was, it was her dream and she had to be the one, then they told her she wasn't or that she could be. In the end She remembered herself THE Alice through letting go of what she believed to be true or at least that is how I interpreted the story. Hmm, feels a little familiar.

I have been sitting with the notion of calling my mother to talk about changing my name, telling myself it's no big deal but not getting the courage to do it. Yesterday was a big oil day for me with courage, integration, acknowledgement, release and action. Then a great journal of answering two questions.

How has my relationship with my mother affected the development of the feminine side of me? How has the relationship with my father affected the development of the masculine side of me?

I have done a great deal of inner child work with both parents and the extra dads in my life. Nothing has healed this deep or this great before and it was simple, I answered the questions with clear conscious truth, no victimization or anger left and what came out was a clear understanding of truth that I needed and a true forgiveness for myself and my life. Whew...

Today I picked up the phone and called my mother and just asked her how she felt about me changing my name. I giggle again. Every time I ever spoke about my name or the dislike of my name she was defensive and unwilling to hear any of it. In the unfolding of this name change, I realized that because my mother changed my name after birth to get revenge of my father, that I have been the holder of that pain for both of them. This phone call today was something very different. My mother lovingly and calmly said, that is a wonderful idea, I love the name Michelle, it is beautiful and the reason I gave it to you. It should have been your name all along. I support you doing whatever you need to do. I smiled and just said thank you and absorbed all of the love she had to give.

Tonight I dowsed for completion. The journey with this oil brought me to childhood, on Santa Cruz beach boardwalk, I could smell salt water taffy and see the machine pulling it as I watched through the store window, I felt myself running in the sand on the beach and laughing. Then it took me to a warm fire with the smell of Christmas and playing in the fresh snow.

I feel renewed inside and a little brighter with light. I know that it's time to finish the meditation that I could only start a couple of days ago. I am now ready to stay and be present for the rest. As I was greeted by Thoth, he looked down and said to me , "you are doing a great job", I just started crying and left.

Gratitude to ALL and to all of you for listening. With great heart radiating love, Michelle

Welcome to the South

My affirmations came n a different form than I expected. I had done the process through the East, examining and creating affirmations. Then, just a few days ago, my affirmations came in like a lightening bolt from another dimension!

Now I get to program these affirmations for the duration of the South direction. I know from the past how powerful this process is. I know from experience that even if my affirmations seem doubtful or overly ambitious, if I suspend all doubt just for the few moments it takes to repeat them into the mirror-into my own eyes, every morning- that they WILL miraculously come into manifestation in their own divine timing.

I want to share some of my experience of this day. Today, Blew Thunder and I left our home at White Sage Landing, in the midst of a snow storm, and headed south in pure trust. We drove through sleet and fog, snow piled 5 feet high in Flagstaff, through Strawberry and Payson, to arrive in Mesa Arizona to visit my birth family. Heading South, we encountered so many conditions that could have turned us back. But we had set clear intentions for a safe and successful journey, and we both felt that we were to drive on.

When we passed Flagstaff, in the outskirts of town, we went past an exit. The exit number was 333, and the street name on the sign was Kachina. It was Kachina 333! I really dropped my jaw on that one. Since the exit was marked twice, we got to see it twice just in case we did not beloieve it the first time.

As we pulled out of Payson and began to drop into the valley, leaving the snow behind, we started to see the most beautiful purple flowers-desert lupine-blooming on the roadsides. They were interspersed with a yellow flower that resembled a daisy. There were streams of water running through the desert for miles, and waterfalls tumbling down every rock face and canyon wall that we passed. It was a sight that has not been seen in these parts for a long, long time. And everywhere, new fresh green grass was pushing up. Huge saguaro cactuses surrounded by a carpet of green grass. It was like looking at a vast miracle growing on Mother Earth.

I keep hearing the spirits of the land reminding me about the personal part I played, along with 12 people who visited in October, doing the intentional planetary healing for the Anasazi and the local area. They keep telling me it is all connected, and I should not limit the correlation with my mind. We helped to bring forth this reality. If we can do it here, we can do it anywhere on Mother Earth. The Mayan Age of Flowers can become a reality, and it is up to us to co-create it!

I am thankful to be a part of the regeneration of this shining planet. I am thankful for helping to weave the web of life, to bring forth the new dream. And I am thankful for all of you who are doing your own personal work to live the dream.

Kachina

Talking trees and the Enchanted forest

Today I took mine and my sisters dogs on a walk. She is out of town and thought I LOVE and look so forward everyday to our daily walks/talks together, there is something magical about my walks I have been taking alone lately, with the dogs.
Today our walk was amazing, it was warm, sunny and snowing very lightly, it looked like little crystals falling from the sky. On our walk yesterday, it was a little windy out so when we got to the section of our walk that is a big open field, the show had blown over our compacted path, the whole field was smooth and flawless,and covered in 'diamonds.' The sun was hitting the snow perfectly so that light pink and blue pastel-y colors were reflecting off the snow, it seemed like heaven... aside from the fact that we had to create a new path in which the snow was mid-thigh... needless to say the pups were exhausted by the end of it, as was I! This is a football field after all, very big. I was sure before we set out on our adventure around this field to create another path that I had walked this field so many times before that I KNEW I would stumble across the old path under neath the new snow and from there on the walk would be a breeze. Well, the old path was no where to be found! I could help but to laugh hysterically with how much work this was and just how deep each and EVERY step was. after 30 feet or so of walking, the dogs were even looking at me like "MOM! are you kidding me, you didn't think this through did you?" it was quite the journey, to say the least. The snow was practically over their heads, which isn't that hard to be, my dogs aren't THAT tall, and Toby the tiniest of them all insisted I carry him, he really dosnt weigh much but he seemed like 100lbs having to carry him through that.
It turned out to be lots of fun, I choose to believe that we all laughed the whole way through it, perhaps out of frustration, but also out of thrill and the adventure of it!
We got back on the path through the forest and when we were about 5 minutes to the end, the tree to my right spoke! she said "kreeeeeeek!" in a high pitch. I stoped in my tracks to listen and she did it again, the second I acknowledged her, the tree to my left spoke as well only in a much deeper pitch, than they all started talking! They all had such different sounds. I looked around to take note of the weather, perhaps the wind was blowing them and making them make these noises, but nope,no wind, none! I looked around thinking "this is amazing!".... "what are you saying?" I pulled out some corn and rose petals and gave mucho gratitude. I could feel hot tingling in my solar plexus, it was pretty cool. But I am stumped now because... I have never really talked to a tree before. With animals it was a bit easier because I could go home and pull the animal card and read about the message this certain animal brings, but trees?? I don't have tree cards.. There were clearly talking to me, I'm not delusional, I walk that path EVERYDAY and they never have don't that before, but I am determined to get to the bottom on this.
Of course my natural reaction is "make an appointment with Kathryn and ask her what they were trying to tell me." or "wright EarthSong and tell her my story and see what she has to say about this"
but this time,I think this is for me and for me alone, I don't want to always have to ask someone to explain these experiences I am having, even if I don't get the message right away... I have to get it eventually, right? YES!
It really was a beautiful experience and I couldn't help but to feel very flattered.
These trees are so beautiful and wise and I would love to learn from them.
THANK YOU TREE PEOPLE.

next phase, step one.

I have taken my first active step in sharing myself, my truth and my passion aka heart with the world!
Over the last 4 years as I explored and cultivated my inner voice and knowing, got back in touch with my spirit and reclaimed my soul. I have cleverly disguised myself as a massage therapist, which was perfect for that phase of my process. But now the depth of my true work and desire to be of service in this transitioning world has grown so much. My call to teach and share all that I have learned and all that I know and all that I remember is burning inside and I am no longer able to hide behind my cleaver disguise.
Since beginning the 90 day journey I have been dreaming of my real work. Every night I close my eyes and find myself surrounded by people looking at me, waiting and anticipating. My heart surges with joy and aha as I take people through Kathryn's amazing Core foods workshop, I share my knowledge of yoga and body awareness exercises, I teach only that which I live and through that I honor my heart and integrity.
My latest dream gave me an assignment to begin the ripple effect of attracting the next steps to move closer to bring these night dreams into the daytime.
I was instructed to make a new business card, one that would read:
Food as Medicine
Lindsey Meyers
Nutritional Consultations &
Dowsing for Healing and Regeneration
(ordered them today)
I also set up a new email account: Foodasmedicine88@gmail.com

The information that came in said that as long as I give out my old business cards that read massage therapy I would continue to attract clients for massage and of the vibration that I was when I began my work in massage.
The new business cards hold my new vibration and essence and will draw to me the most beneficial clients, experiences and opportunities that I am calling forth now to continue the evolution of my growth and life's work and to fulfill my desire to be of assistance to mother earth and the people of this planet during this transitional phase.
Also, my final affirmations that came in as I came into the completion of the east were;

I am open to the evolution of my work, life-purpose, relationships and hobbies to flow, change and evolve in right timing with grace and ease.
I remain centered and rooted in my personal power.
I am in self-referral

I am going to Bethel next week to do my last series of massage with the clients that I established there, while I am out there I am bringing fliers for the up coming core foods class, that Rebecca and I will be co-teaching and the healing cancer from within video so that people can begin to fulfill the prerequisite for the workshop. In a nut shell "putting my true self out there"
I can feel that just the shift in my intention of what I am desiring to create is already creating and aligning huge synchronises to occur and unfold!
You cannot transmute something you do not have. The ability to be present as a teacher is a reflection of ones own life practices. Know yourself first, then you will intuitively see how you can be of benefit to others.
In honor of entering the South...I begin taking action in the world!
Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude

Life Purpose

I was driving to work today listening to Thich Nhat Hanh's the Art of Mindful Living and had an epiphany of sorts. I know I want to help others, you all know that from some of my other posts, but while listening to him I realized how. I want to counsel people, either one on one or in groups on how to manage their emotions through the use of meditation or spiritual practices (whatever that may be to them) and psychologically through standard means of therapeutic counseling.

I would like to incorporate healthy eating suggestions (I am already a Certified Health Coach through the Institute of Integrative Nutrition)and maybe even a bit of Yoga therapy. Phew! This is a lot to think about right now and maybe it does not even make sense but that is what came rushing at me today. I think all those things flow well together, but you don't always see them used together to help people heal. Many earth based religions/beliefs incorporate aspects of what I am thinking, but I want to combine them and make them accessible and accepted in this modern world by pairing them up with the standard view of a psychological therapist.

I have always been interested in the mind and how we handle our emotions and people always come to me for "help" when they are experiencing problems in their lives...so why not make it a life! I already do it all the time. Talk about obvious...

I am not quite sure HOW I am going to do this just yet. I do love my job now (I am a director at an art & music center which is greatly rewarding and creative) so I guess I need to think about the logistics of creating this dream...

...to be continued

...thank you for listening.