It is amazing spending just a few days with my original family, and getting to observe the ways that the family members use and dance with energy. I get to see the places where attention was (and still is) focused, the lenses and perspectives that were cultivated as I was growing up and forming my foundation for this life.
I had no idea how much I would learn about myself through visiting the family during the 90 day program. I have come to appreciate the gifts that came through this formative process so much more thnt I had in the past. I am realizing now how much of my experience has been colored by my own choices, even as child. It is all about what I chose inside the blue circle, even if my choices were unconscious at the time.
I can see other family members repeating the same unconscious patterns and how much power the group pattern has held over this family. Even when you can see the pattern clearly, it is a challenge to maintain consciousness when "submersed" in it. I am blessed with a second set of eyes and ears, through Blew Thunder, who can gently inform me when I begin to fall asleep-telling me that my body posture has changed, my head is being held differently, I am speaking or acting different from myself. These are clues for when I am beginning to go unconscious in the family pattern.
Today I setting the intention to stay fully conscious and present in all situations with family members. All my interactions come from love, truth, awareness and choice. I will let you know how this goes for me today. It feels like diving into a pool of black water where no one can see each other, and trying to communicate. And underneath the gummy black opacity are six powerful people who deeply desire to love each other. They (we) just have not figured out how to do so, or what that really means in this lifetime.
In the past I have energetically protected myself and stayed out of the black zone, just observing the play of energy without getting emotionally involved in their messy games. It was the only way I could stay in integrity and in my blue circle.
This time feels different. It is still like wearing a mask, since they can not share in the largest part of my life, care not to know about personal or planetary ascension, and are stubbornly attached to the family roles. But this time it feels as though none of that matters, and the guides keep telling me that there is a real silver lining opportunity here if I am willing to stay present through each moment.
Walk in Beauty
