Blew Thunder here. One of my challenges, being an artist and a perfectionist, is when the time comes to review my responsibility as a co-creator of this 90 day process that we have all signed up for. In reviewing and looking back at what worked and maybe what didn't work, and looking at how to take all of that forward into the future.
This is a space that I struggle with from time to time, especially the part of thinking that I can be God. Probably the number one biggest healing process of my life, was in 1986 when I walked into a 12 step meeting. When I learned to open my mouth and share what was inside me-the pains, the hurts, the joys-through that process the light that came in allowed me to see my truths and my lies. Most importantly, it allowed me to release my shame and abandonment, and to truly find out who I really am.
Moving forward to 2006 when Kachina and I created this 90 day bridge, seeing the talking circle opening up and allowing the light in for each particpant for healing, was an incredibly awesome experience. And it was a different arena than a 12 step program, created by all people being there by choice.
A dear old mentor of mine, Bucky Fuller, used to say that a bad policy was better than no policy at all. Although I despise the word policy, he also used the example of a fruit bowl container to protect the fruit from bruising and rolling off the table. So many times through this 90 day process I have felt that I did not create the right fruit bowl because of the silence in blogging from some of the participants. I now realize that the gradient of writing versus talking is much higher for some people. And I am astounded by the ability some of the participants showed in writing skill. This is something I personally do not have. I know through my own walk the opportunity that has potentially been missed for some of the people.
So at this point I am verbalizing what I believe my failures are in creating a fruit bowl of safety for all to participate at a life-changing level, and blessing each and every one of you on your path. I am detaching from the outcome, with knowing that next time (if there is a next time) the fruit bowl will look different. Through my walk in asking different elders the same question; if they had the opportunity to do life again, what would they do different this time? Every one of them, without hesitation, replied; "I would take more RISKS!"
For me, because I can not see people and look in their eyes, I can not get a sense of where they are in the process. And my life is all about adding value, and right now I have not seen if there has been any value added! I am not feeling a presence of the participants, and I feel like we have somehow dropped the ball.
I am asking for your feedback, as participants, and feel free to e-mail me, as to your experience with the 90 day journey. Your feedback will help us in recreating the fruit bowl for the next group of journeyors.
Aho! Blew Thunder
