You know those words that are written just a tad too hard? The ones indented on the surface, overlapping, just enough to make them out one by one but trying to put them together to make any sense is close to impossible? If you look close enough, that is my surface. Scarred from the past with words I can’t quite make out; emotions I can’t quite pin-point; memories I can’t quite remember. But they are there, scratches on my surface waiting to fade away with age or use or just forgotten about.
This is a hard place to be…to feel these things but not quite know where they all came from or what to do with them. Do I buff them out and hope not to lose originality? Re-surface and hide what was there? Sell out and find a more resilient surface that can “take it”? On the other hand, are these words what makes me, me? Original, creative, caring, self-driven, spiritual, loving, healing, understanding…
It is interesting because most days I don’t even know they are there. I am happy and satisfied in many aspects of my life. Comparatively, I feel more sane and collected then the majority of the people I am surrounded by in this crazy, beautiful world. But there is this tinge of self-doubt seeking approval…a tinge of non-forgiveness dug in, right there on the surface.
So I begin this journey with intentions to move forward. Past the scars of the past that prick my skin, past the self-doubt that circles my mind, past the un-forgiveness that brings water to my eyes. Through and past it all to come out on the other end with a renewed respect for the surfaces that make up who I am and what I represent.
My Palace focus is Relationship…I choose to heal my relationship with myself and with the ones closest to me that may hold a pencil from long ago. But it is not a time to point fingers with blame but to let it go and let it fade…with acknowledgement and time I move forward over the peaks and valleys of my surface to a serene comfortable place where the past is the past and the future is beautiful and full of light.
