Over the last week I have been in the middle of a hurricane of loss. One of heartbreak and rejection, a death process so great that it had quite literally brought me to my knees, on more then one occasion. Once again I have been called to walk the path of trust, during this process, by listening to this patient humble wise inner voice that will only speak to me once I've done the "ego dance" and then asked my mind to be quite so I may know the real truth of the situation and not the illutionary perception of my ego.
There are words flying at me from all directions, some at the speed of light, some that carry so much anguish in their delivery that my heart yurns, some disguised as cold and indifferent to show strength and protection. No matter where I look I am surrounded by pain, I am the cause of someone elses hurt and despair, I am the cause of my own unstoppable tears and I am the one apparently with the power to put to end, if you will, to this heightened, acutely painful experience of heartbreak.
All I see is the illusion, it shimmers in front of me and all around me. I stand in front of these people whom I have loved so dearly and who I continue to love, who are asking me to put an end to their pain by choosing to stand beside them.
My heart shows me a different picture. We are standing there together souls connected and whole. No pain, no suffering. This identification of who we are, the "I", the personality we have attached and identified with swirling about outside of our true souls. Engaging in this experience of pain, feeding on it and believing that it is the truth.
Perhaps there is more here then what meets the eye? Perhaps this isn't about how to stop the pain, maybe it's a beginning upon the path of feeling. A crack in a surface that has been bound so tight that without shattering first, nothing not even a true love, could penetrate that shield of protection. Perhaps this is an opportunity for growth and self discovery? An opportunity for re-birth and new beginnings.
If we could stop just long enough and sit quietly we might get a glimpse of the incredible gift that is being offered here but instead we attach and engage in the potentially toxic dance with pain and words. The cost, silencing that sweet guidance within, that will show you if you would only allow it too, that safe place where you can lay down and rest and glean a better understanding.
I am not the cause and I am not the solution. To fulfill the requests that have been laid upon my feet would be to choose a path of death for my own soul and would greatly limit and slow the growth of those who are seemingly effected by my actions and resistance to give in.
I love you and I see you whole. I refuse to take that from you by given you what it is that you think you want and need. It is simply and illusion. I cannot fulfill your heart, only you have the power to do so.
My prayer for you is this, sit quietly and breathe. Allow yourself to pull back all that you have put out there. The love you want to give to me, the happiness you want to create for me, turn it around and give it to yourself, first!
There is the lesson, there is the challenge.
Life is a beautiful intricately woven dance between pleasure and pain and if we let go of the attachment we can then experience how amazing and incredible both of these experiences are.
Aho
