I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was visiting Michael and Kathryn at white sage. They had invited me down to help them with some projects that needed to get done. I was showed two cars and my job was to paint them, one white and one black.
Michael gave me a quick preview without explaining anything then handed me the paint brush and left. I stood there looking at the white car that I was to paint. I had never painted a car before? I had no idea how to even begin painting a car? Then crept in what if I mess up? What if it looks worse after I am finished then it does right now? I became so consumed with questions, doubts and potential failures that I never even began painting the car. I was paralyzed by my fear of "What if"
I decided I couldn't do it and went looking for Michael and Kathryn to tell them I didn't know how and that I couldn't do it. They were out in the garden raking. Kathryn stood there just beautiful radiant light, I confess my failure Michael and in the gentlest of ways he put his hand on my shoulder looked me straight in the eyes and said "If you knew it all, what would be the point?" I woke up.
This is likely an obvious lesson and one I'm sure we've all come up against at one point or another. The power of the dream illustrated so perfectly for me in this moment where my specific block is in regards to why I haven't begun working. I am at that pivotal phase where I'm being asked to take the next step and leave my comfort zone. Where I am being asked to value myself and what I have to offer. It's scary!
I couldn't finish the South in the journal. I flew thought the East and eagerly anticipated the West. I skipped the last 6 pages of the South, I couldn't do it it was like walking through molasses. It was such a struggle to even attempt to motivated myself to open the journal at all during the South and I didn't want to quite so I skipped it?
I'm at that place where I get to decide which way to go and trust the guidance and inner knowing within myself. A perfect polarity of uncomfortable and exhilarating.
I began reading Kathryn's book and how the food for ascension came to be. It was a step by step evolution over 17 years before it became what it is today. Kathryn didn't know the whole picture from the beginning. They worked with people and themselves and observed through trial and error what worked and what didn't but always learning and growing along the way. There are phases and if you're lucky you learn something new everyday and grow more with each experience. That is the beauty of feeling fear and discomfort, it is a clear sign, as Michael once told me, "that you are doing something right."
I am scared, I still recognize that I doubt myself or it's just easier to feel doubt then confidence, I have no idea what I am walking into or how I will create what I desire from where I am in this moment. How I will become self-sufficient and remain passionate at the same time. I don't know? I just simply don't know and it feels a little like drowning because I can't go back or stay where I am and I don't yet have anything to grab onto.
I want to move forward. I am ready to take that step out of my comfort zone and onto the unknown where possibility, failure, experience, learning, fear, passion, discomfort and wide open spaces await me. And I wanted you all to bear witness to my intention of not feeling ready but still being willing to take that step anyway.
Thank you all for your support and listing. I am so grateful for this group and am so hopeful for all of us realizing our dreams come true.
Love, gratitude and laughter
