My mother crossed over 1.5 years ago followed 5 months later by my brother Bennett and sister-in-law Barbara in a plane crash leaving their two daughters, my nieces, now 19 and 22. Ben was the Executor of my mother's estate; now I am. In order to settle the estate and move forward in my life to create a sustainable family homestead and for practical reasons of distance, "the burden of ownership" and affordability I feel I must sell the family beach house in Delaware. I have waited 1.5 years at my nieces' request. This summer house represents the connection to their parents to them. After my mother crossed over I was guided to open a medicine wheel there in my mother's gorgeous natural garden in a ceremony honoring my mother and with all my family participating. I was also guided to further grid the property with 12 Lumerian crystals. I have continued to work with this wheel when visiting Delaware and through my wheel in Anchorage.
For a year I have done much ceremony around this family home, ceremony of gratitude to this abundant Universe and to all my relatives that attracted the abundance to bring us this home, gratitude to the spirits of the land and awesome angel of the home that have so lovingly supported my family for 30 years bringing us joy in family gatherings and comfort in times of deep loss, ceremony for resolution in perfect unity and all needs met for my family members and all involved, ceremony asking for Divine Assistance to help my nieces and help me help my nieces create another form of connection - spiritual - to their parents and my mother, and many more ceremonies. I have asked for Divine Assistance in being the Executrix of the estate in this most challenging role where I feel I am co-creating an intricate dance between responsible Executrix and compassionate aunt. Among many others, I consult Ben and Barbara for guidance. I have been holding a vision of everything beautifully resolved for the highest good of all. I know the Law of Manifestation that says there is always one solution that brings happiness to all. I feel trepidation. Might I alienate my nieces forever? Will I rise to the occassion to be the strong and guided family person who can co-create a new sustainable family retreat and my new home on sacred land that will be this joy and more? Do I have the strength to leave Anchorage and all that is familiar to me and be successful on this adventure? Am I crazy? Maybe I need to drop to my knees, completely humble myself and ask (SCREAM) "Help!".
I realize it is the emotional issues and my own self-doubt that make this so difficult. And I have been so concerned about the my nieces' feelings and my conceived plan to move forward that I have barely taken a peak at my own feelings surrounding the sale of the beach house to a 3rd party. This morning I conjured an image of the interior cleared out for the next owner. Deep sadness!
What a family home, place of beauty, joy, nurturing and family love my parents created there! It will be a very big family shift. No wonder it turns my nieces inside out! Ouch, such deep, difficult feelings!!!!! It makes me question if I am doing the right thing! I must be an ogre to them to take this nurturing joyous well away from them when their wounds are still open. Am I doing the right thing?! Everything practical tells me it must be done. One step at a time.....Is that the voice to honor?
I feel the difficult painful waters swirling around me all the time I must seek to step above to a high clear road intending to serve all fairly and with compassion. I am not wanting to be poetic or self-absorbent. This territory is most challenging to me, a "test" or rite of passage. Wow, it is hard when others are affected.
The ceremonies of gratitude for the home and property there and all the family members who helped it happen like my grandfathers and mothers brought gushes of tears. I feel I need to do even more gratitude ceremonies as I realize what this has been for our family.... as the layers are peeled back it feels more painful rather than better and it feels more difficult to create an equal.
My plan: the sustainable permaculture homestead on sacred land. Do I have the strength to do it? Is this my choice? I was guided that during the 90-days I am not to seek it's location in the world. But I am being guided to envision it. I have been going the female route: allowing guidance to lead me. Now it seems that I am to do more envisioning, more co-creation of a vision of what is this dream?, more contracting the image, making clear choices - the harder part for me. I am not clear or certain. What will I offer? what will be my purpose? what will I teach?
And where is my soul mate to help me?!!! Actually I was guided and did a balance recently to call in my soul mate. So, hello out there! Welcome!
Abundant Universe and fellow path walkers and seekers, thank you for listening!
with love and gratitude,
SkyWalker Sings with her Heart
