I apologize in advance for the graphic nature of my BLOG post today. I can not say what needs to be said without it.
Two weeks ago, B. Thunder and I gradually began to experience what turned into a very major cleansing event for both of us. It has been many years since we had a cleansing experience of this intensity. Always when they first come on, we tend to think in an old way, wondering if this time it is really a virus or bug of some kind.
As we sat day after day in our living area, sipping water and saturating our spines with essential oils, first B. Thunder and then I, went into that place of ultimate surrender when the symptoms are so intense that all one can do is to keep breathing, one breath at a time. B.Thunder labored with a severe pain in his head, one that could not be relieved by any of our arsenal of support treatments. After three days of this pain, he looked at me with eyes that said, "I am ready to leave the planet", and I stood by powerless to help him, knowing that this was his own version of releasing the pain body. I just tried to be present for him and bring cold wash cloths for his head.
Almost a week later, after I had begun cleansing symptoms too, I was in the midst of one of the deepest spasming cough attacks I could imagine. It brought up deep body memories of a time when I was around 10 or 11 years old, and I contracted pneumonia. The same deep barking cough that nearly turned me inside out, made it very difficult to breathe, and brought on fatigue whenever it ended. I had wondered before if the pattern was actually gone, since it had disappeared for many years; or if I had just learned how to support my body's process to avoid activating it. I knew it's re-appearance now represented an opportunity of great value, even though it was extremely uncomfortable.
Last night was the final unwinding of this pattern. As I sat up in a chair trying to sleep, my chest and abdomen spasming out of control with coughing, B.Thunder had a "download" from some source of great wisdom. He had me lie down and put his hands on my solar plexus and on my abdomen; and breathe, deeply and rhythmically. At first I could not, as my nasal passages were completely blocked. But I kept trying and he kept returning my attention to the core, and had me breathe through the prana tube. Very gradually, the spasm subsided. I felt tension unwind from my cells; chest, head, abdomen, diaphragm, spine, shoulders, hands, feet. Every part of my body released and my whole being shifted.
The rest of the night I slept like a baby. I dreamed about the many times I had experienced this "pattern" in my body throughout childhood, seeing how I had been working against my body and even making the symptoms worse. Now with B. Thunder's blessing, I was learning how to cough up and spit out the mucus, to work with my body.
In my dreams, I saw myself as a 6 year old boy in Peru. I was walking on a 13 mile trail with my father to town. I had a bad cold, and began to cough. He laughed and made light of it all, cheering me on, urging me to cough it up and spit it out, patting me on the back as I cleared by breathing passages. I was happy, and had no fear of sickness.
Then the dream shifted to the current physical lifetime, and I was 3 years old. I was getting ready for church and climbing into the car with my Mom and Dad. I had a cold, and began to cough. This time the response was very different. I heard, "Don't cough so hard, you are going to hurt yourself! Here, take a cough drop. You scare Mommy and Daddy when you cough like that!"
And I was now a witness to the unconscious programming that had been assimilated into my very cells. I stopped using antibiotics over 30 years ago, yet I only now have access to unwind the programming of suppression from my cellular structure. I know this is the gift I am receiving through this, my 6th journey through the medicine wheel, healing an ancestral pattern that reaches back 6 generations.
I can only welcome this understanding, and send prayers of gratitude and appreciation for this amazing healing process; for my partner B. Thunder and his innate wisdom; and for the Ancestors that line up behind us all when we begin to heal for them.
In Love and Gratitude,
Kachina
Saturday, April 2
Saturday, March 26
Goodbye Old Friend~
Dear Comfort Zone,
You have been safe and faithful for many years and I am grateful. I could always rely on you and for so long I needed you. That time is over. You have kept me from danger but also from happiness which speaks to my heart. I have met life and I desire the opportunity I see. Our relationship is complete. It is time for me to step out and spend some quality time with my new friend risk. I am ready for the adventure of my dream and while you offer a place that is familiar, the path that risk has to offer will help me move forward. I also leave behind fear and hesitation because where I am going they are not welcome. Please do not worry, my new companions, courage and wisdom are with me and my journey meets up with abundance and love. Again, I am grateful for our time together...
Goodbye,
Michelle Lynx Lyall
Thursday, March 24
Duality
I have been quite emotional lately. Emotions that are more extreme than what I am experiencing in the moment. Hurts. I don't feel quite like myself either. Like, how did I get to be this way?
I am finding it very difficult to be in the world. There must be some part of me that is so good at sabotage that I have found a way to stay "alone" and to kill myself slowly.
I look at my body and I see neglect and abuse.
I feel my heart who aches for a full loving world and yet I keep the world for the most part at a distance, except at work for some reason. Then I get hurt by little things that people in my life say or reflect to me.
Shame for allowing myself to get to this place. Doubt for even having these feelings, I should be grateful that I am not X Y or Z, what do I have to be upset about. You know all of that crap.
Fear of not "doing it right."
Guilt for "doing it wrong" or out of Grace.
Until I completely withdraw from the world.
Not following through on commitments.
Is this even true? I feel so confused. I trust that this is part of the process and yet I resist.
I know there are gems here. I trust that I will find them. I trust that I will find my courage and grace. I have paint brushes waiting for me, I have a drum that is waiting, I have a crystal bowl that longs to sing with me, I have the whole entire world and Great Mystery too. How far will I go down into the depths this time before I fly out like the Phoenix. Do I have the courage to love myself enough. I guess I wasn't given this name for nothing.
Thanks for listening to my rants, I really needed to get this out before it was buried again. Aho.
Tuesday, March 22
Double Blog
I posted in my personal blog a post for this blog and decided to just link the two instead of changing.
I am humbly grateful...................
Michelle
Sunday, March 20
Completion in Its Own Time
This morning when I awakened, after participating in an amazing ceremony last nigh with Blue Thunder and the Grandmothers, I received an unexpected gift of the north.
Over two years ago, when we first arrived at White Sage Landing to begin building our home and Medicine Wheel in co-creation, I had noticed many horses in and around our area. The presence of the horses brought up memories from my early life, when I had a deep relationship with horses. There came a time when I had to let them go to move forward in life, and I had felt very complete at the time and simply thanked them and moved on.
I had still remained connected to horses, and received visits from them from time to time in the spirit world. Once in a great while, I would be connected with someone in the physical world who needed assistance in communicating with their horse, and would always do my best to bridge the communication between them, and deliver whatever message was asked with a healing intention.
And when I was once again surrounded by many horses, I felt the need to call upon the horses of my past and acknowledge their beautiful teachings that had been so freely given and rarely understood by me back then. I asked forgiveness for any harm I might have done unconsciously or consciously to them, and I sent to them my love and gratitude.
Now, two years later, while going into the completion of the north direction, I have received the gift of completion from the horse people. I awakened this morning with a dream. In this dream, I was revisiting all of the horses I had ever known in my whole life. There were so many more than I first remembered! Each one showed me something that I had received from them, and I began to see how deeply the horses had influenced every aspect of my life.
One horse I had completely forgotten about, was a horse who was blind in one eye. This horse was a very good cow horse on a ranch in Nebraska. I was visiting this ranch, seeking a horse for competitive trail riding. This ranch was known for its trail savvy horses, but they generally sold only a few horses from their ranch, as most were bred to be cow horses for the cowboys. The only one available to me was the blind in one eye horse, because my budget could not begin to accommodate one of their promising young 2 year olds. For some reason, I decided to purchase the horse.
Several weeks later, the people from the ranch were ready to deliver this horse to us. But when they went to load up the horses, my horse had been struck by lightening while standing in the pasture. He was dead instantly.
The Grandfathers were showing me this image this morning, as I had completely forgotten it. I woke up and told Blue Thunder all about it, including the fact that I received a beautiful 2 year old Arabian horse in its place, for no extra charge. I had never acknowledged the Grandfathers' lightening bolt that changed the course of my life; for the horse that came in place of the blind horse taught me more about life and myself than any other horse in my whole life. In fact, he was the horse that helped me shift my consciousness from separation to connection and equality with all beings.
When I told the story to Blue Thunder, I felt tears running down my face. I had felt like I never was able to give back to the horses the way they had given to me, yet their spirits were all around me now, sending me gratitude! They said I had given back to every being on the planet through my choices to live in co-creation and honor all animals. They showed me that I had actually succeeded in their eyes, that all they gave me has come to a beautiful fruition. I could feel the love and support pouring forth from the horse spirits, and Blue Thunder echoed this by saying, "Why do you think horses always come to talk with you whenever they see you? They are honoring you! They are acknowledging that what you have done has helped all animals, because you help create equal conscious relationship for our Earth and all her beings."
In gratitude and humbleness,
Kachina
Over two years ago, when we first arrived at White Sage Landing to begin building our home and Medicine Wheel in co-creation, I had noticed many horses in and around our area. The presence of the horses brought up memories from my early life, when I had a deep relationship with horses. There came a time when I had to let them go to move forward in life, and I had felt very complete at the time and simply thanked them and moved on.
I had still remained connected to horses, and received visits from them from time to time in the spirit world. Once in a great while, I would be connected with someone in the physical world who needed assistance in communicating with their horse, and would always do my best to bridge the communication between them, and deliver whatever message was asked with a healing intention.
And when I was once again surrounded by many horses, I felt the need to call upon the horses of my past and acknowledge their beautiful teachings that had been so freely given and rarely understood by me back then. I asked forgiveness for any harm I might have done unconsciously or consciously to them, and I sent to them my love and gratitude.
Now, two years later, while going into the completion of the north direction, I have received the gift of completion from the horse people. I awakened this morning with a dream. In this dream, I was revisiting all of the horses I had ever known in my whole life. There were so many more than I first remembered! Each one showed me something that I had received from them, and I began to see how deeply the horses had influenced every aspect of my life.
One horse I had completely forgotten about, was a horse who was blind in one eye. This horse was a very good cow horse on a ranch in Nebraska. I was visiting this ranch, seeking a horse for competitive trail riding. This ranch was known for its trail savvy horses, but they generally sold only a few horses from their ranch, as most were bred to be cow horses for the cowboys. The only one available to me was the blind in one eye horse, because my budget could not begin to accommodate one of their promising young 2 year olds. For some reason, I decided to purchase the horse.
Several weeks later, the people from the ranch were ready to deliver this horse to us. But when they went to load up the horses, my horse had been struck by lightening while standing in the pasture. He was dead instantly.
The Grandfathers were showing me this image this morning, as I had completely forgotten it. I woke up and told Blue Thunder all about it, including the fact that I received a beautiful 2 year old Arabian horse in its place, for no extra charge. I had never acknowledged the Grandfathers' lightening bolt that changed the course of my life; for the horse that came in place of the blind horse taught me more about life and myself than any other horse in my whole life. In fact, he was the horse that helped me shift my consciousness from separation to connection and equality with all beings.
When I told the story to Blue Thunder, I felt tears running down my face. I had felt like I never was able to give back to the horses the way they had given to me, yet their spirits were all around me now, sending me gratitude! They said I had given back to every being on the planet through my choices to live in co-creation and honor all animals. They showed me that I had actually succeeded in their eyes, that all they gave me has come to a beautiful fruition. I could feel the love and support pouring forth from the horse spirits, and Blue Thunder echoed this by saying, "Why do you think horses always come to talk with you whenever they see you? They are honoring you! They are acknowledging that what you have done has helped all animals, because you help create equal conscious relationship for our Earth and all her beings."
In gratitude and humbleness,
Kachina
Wednesday, March 16
So Thankful
Today I am thankful for the validation that I am always taken care of, watched over, guided and helped, even when I forget to ask. So in love and so very, very grateful.
Aho,
Michelle
Tuesday, March 15
Badger...hahaha
So after the meeting I've had some swift realizations. I'm where I need to be for one but more positively I'm where I want to be. In the meeting Blew Thunder mentioned something about setting a high bar for himself. Out of the whole meeting that for me is what stuck clearly...badgering me (no pun intended) hahahaha. We, as a family, have talked about Michelle has set a bar to a level that is at the utmost of aspirations. I see now that it is all about choices and following the ideal at times. Amazingly as Blew spoke about looking at someone else and seeing how "more advanced" they are in their own process aka looking up to them, I have always felt less than. Why do I limit myself to being not good enough I ask? Because I have been given a contract that I embraced to do just enough to get by.
This meeting started the ball rolling for my guidance to kick in and really ask some obvious questions. I wrote in my book the next day, read a little, and spent some time just with and for me. Tuesday I was guided to do a reading. I received some new cards from Michelle for Christmas and use them when I feel like it and not always when I'm "told" to use them. That day I used them and received hilarity frankly. The messages I got from this reading were from Badger reversed (hahahaha) saying "Open your eyes crazy man, look at the big picture, get out of you own damn way." Another from Elk saying pay attention to your dreams and except self love. I received in the West direction the sweatlodge ceremony card, not coincidentally it says look at yourself for what you are and make the changes you want to make to be who you want to be...it's that simple.
Ok, Ok now moving on throughout Tuesday I thought about all of these things plus a bit more and decided to play a little drum and go into the medicine wheel. I prayed with my son and showed him a way to give thanks and make offerings to the directions. We spent about an hour and a half there but it felt like a minute.
Now last night I have this dream of only crickets and me drawing a bow and arrow. I laughed at how the crickets tickled my body. I couldn't believe how focused I became when I drew the arrow back releasing it at a target with a big red heart on it. So feeling the simple joy of the tickley crickets and the focus of the "heart" of the problem, which I found is me not following my heart it made for some great lessons and a new focus. The focus being that I'm allowed to set the bar at what ever level I want and I'm allowed to achieve that level by being true to myself.
I feel like what I've gotten myself into is looking at the same issues with the same set of eyes...not looking at the big picture. Also the heart on the target represents the correct path and the ease of following the arrow. Ultimately I'm excited for where I'm at in the West, with only one day left. Then I can join the rest of the group in the North whole heartedly as I will be fully there. Upward and onward, the last few days were a great few days for lessons.
Thanks
Eagle Eye
This meeting started the ball rolling for my guidance to kick in and really ask some obvious questions. I wrote in my book the next day, read a little, and spent some time just with and for me. Tuesday I was guided to do a reading. I received some new cards from Michelle for Christmas and use them when I feel like it and not always when I'm "told" to use them. That day I used them and received hilarity frankly. The messages I got from this reading were from Badger reversed (hahahaha) saying "Open your eyes crazy man, look at the big picture, get out of you own damn way." Another from Elk saying pay attention to your dreams and except self love. I received in the West direction the sweatlodge ceremony card, not coincidentally it says look at yourself for what you are and make the changes you want to make to be who you want to be...it's that simple.
Ok, Ok now moving on throughout Tuesday I thought about all of these things plus a bit more and decided to play a little drum and go into the medicine wheel. I prayed with my son and showed him a way to give thanks and make offerings to the directions. We spent about an hour and a half there but it felt like a minute.
Now last night I have this dream of only crickets and me drawing a bow and arrow. I laughed at how the crickets tickled my body. I couldn't believe how focused I became when I drew the arrow back releasing it at a target with a big red heart on it. So feeling the simple joy of the tickley crickets and the focus of the "heart" of the problem, which I found is me not following my heart it made for some great lessons and a new focus. The focus being that I'm allowed to set the bar at what ever level I want and I'm allowed to achieve that level by being true to myself.
I feel like what I've gotten myself into is looking at the same issues with the same set of eyes...not looking at the big picture. Also the heart on the target represents the correct path and the ease of following the arrow. Ultimately I'm excited for where I'm at in the West, with only one day left. Then I can join the rest of the group in the North whole heartedly as I will be fully there. Upward and onward, the last few days were a great few days for lessons.
Thanks
Eagle Eye
Sunday, March 13
Into the North
We've just finished our talking circle moving into the North and I want to let you all know how deeply connected I feel to each of you. My heart is richly and fully expanded and I just don't want that to end. Blogging all night is not the answer but know I'm deeply loving each of you. Aho. Maggie
Facing reality hasn't been as easy as I would have liked it. I've been moving along in the West and have literally been faced with two deaths in the last three weeks. It brings about a view of how life can be present one minute and the next gone to another dimension.
A sobering look at my own existence hasn't really hit until I let it penetrate through this barrier I've been keeping up in my own reality. That barrier being myself, my choices. I have realized that I haven't been a good man. It wouldn't be difficult to find another man to equal or surpass my level of integrity or character. This is not a judgement placed onto myself, it is the in my face truth. I have been standing in my own way to be happy on all levels. I have figured out how to get out of my own way but that doesn't mean that I always do it. More often than not I continue to repeat the same actions, cycles, programs and processes that have existed in my life.
The last few days I have gotten more and more stiff in my body. My neck is to the point that I can barely turn it or look down. My lower back where my stone is pops and cracks as I get out of bed and move around. I believe that this is a physical representation of what my spirit, my soul is encountering when faced with myself. The obvious reality I'm facing is total re-form. The truth is I'm afraid of moving forward. I know that it isn't going to be worse than where I've gotten myself to at this point. In the 12 steps they say "my best decisions got me to this point" I'm not satisfied with where I'm at and my decisions have obviously lead me to here. I'm having trouble staying connected and making good choices all the time. Self-referal has become more difficult in the West than in the East or South.
This fear of the unknown makes me laugh when I actually sit down and look at it for what it is but when I'm stuck in the same repetition I find myself in my own way. I see where I need to go very clearly thanks to this process and guidance but I'm held here by my choices. My choice to embrace my patterns instead of trying something new. Staying in my stagnant stiff routine (body) accomplishing the same things. I have a question as to why I continue this behavior. Better yet why don't I choose differently. Maybe I don't know what other choices there are. Maybe I've gotten so complacent that some how this is as good as it gets. I know differently but there is something holding me here.
Today in the book I got to the point of acknowledging prior agreements and contracts. I feel like I've accepted these contracts as all there is. I'm ready to break them and find the courage to embrace the new. It seems that those decisions embrace a total life change; what I've been praying for and what my intention is to do. I keep asking myself if I'm really ready to let them go and then I'm faced with how I'm living my life today. There is little I'm satisfied with in my life today. So as I am faced with my reality daily the option to change gets more and more obvious. I'm still chanting "steadfastness stands higher than any success" knowing that there is beauty to embrace on the other side of this wall. A fuel that feeds this fear to move forward is the question: Is there always going to be another wall behind this one? Who knows? I'm ready to see. I'm ready to let go. I'm praying for guidance and the will to follow the guidance I receive.
Thank you Kachina and Blew Thunder for this walk as I feel that I am walking with you.
Aho
Eagle Eye
A sobering look at my own existence hasn't really hit until I let it penetrate through this barrier I've been keeping up in my own reality. That barrier being myself, my choices. I have realized that I haven't been a good man. It wouldn't be difficult to find another man to equal or surpass my level of integrity or character. This is not a judgement placed onto myself, it is the in my face truth. I have been standing in my own way to be happy on all levels. I have figured out how to get out of my own way but that doesn't mean that I always do it. More often than not I continue to repeat the same actions, cycles, programs and processes that have existed in my life.
The last few days I have gotten more and more stiff in my body. My neck is to the point that I can barely turn it or look down. My lower back where my stone is pops and cracks as I get out of bed and move around. I believe that this is a physical representation of what my spirit, my soul is encountering when faced with myself. The obvious reality I'm facing is total re-form. The truth is I'm afraid of moving forward. I know that it isn't going to be worse than where I've gotten myself to at this point. In the 12 steps they say "my best decisions got me to this point" I'm not satisfied with where I'm at and my decisions have obviously lead me to here. I'm having trouble staying connected and making good choices all the time. Self-referal has become more difficult in the West than in the East or South.
This fear of the unknown makes me laugh when I actually sit down and look at it for what it is but when I'm stuck in the same repetition I find myself in my own way. I see where I need to go very clearly thanks to this process and guidance but I'm held here by my choices. My choice to embrace my patterns instead of trying something new. Staying in my stagnant stiff routine (body) accomplishing the same things. I have a question as to why I continue this behavior. Better yet why don't I choose differently. Maybe I don't know what other choices there are. Maybe I've gotten so complacent that some how this is as good as it gets. I know differently but there is something holding me here.
Today in the book I got to the point of acknowledging prior agreements and contracts. I feel like I've accepted these contracts as all there is. I'm ready to break them and find the courage to embrace the new. It seems that those decisions embrace a total life change; what I've been praying for and what my intention is to do. I keep asking myself if I'm really ready to let them go and then I'm faced with how I'm living my life today. There is little I'm satisfied with in my life today. So as I am faced with my reality daily the option to change gets more and more obvious. I'm still chanting "steadfastness stands higher than any success" knowing that there is beauty to embrace on the other side of this wall. A fuel that feeds this fear to move forward is the question: Is there always going to be another wall behind this one? Who knows? I'm ready to see. I'm ready to let go. I'm praying for guidance and the will to follow the guidance I receive.
Thank you Kachina and Blew Thunder for this walk as I feel that I am walking with you.
Aho
Eagle Eye
Saturday, March 12
Right on Schedule
A few days ago I was a week behind in my journal and my process was in full force that I didn't even look at it. When I finally started feeling better, I picked up the journal and figured I would go as far as I felt I could.
I wasn't surprised but I always love the validation that comes when you realize that you are exactly where you belong and I am! During the week I journaled but not in my workbook and processed like crazy, still am :) and what surfaced as I dove into the workbook is that each day, I was doing exactly what the pages said. Recognizing my responsibility in creating my world, death of my identity, acceptance, forgiveness, contracts and letting go. I was happy to go through it a second go around and reinforce it in my soul. On this side I am grateful and joyful.
Thank you for this workshop, this group, Kathryn and Michael, the Universe, and all my relations. All that join me on this path, all who guide, teach and support me, I am ever so grateful and growing......
Michelle
Ask and Trust
In my dream last night, I was on an ancient piece of technology resembling a cell phone and couldn’t make it work properly. The connection was halting, fading in and out and never clear enough to hear much. I asked a friend to help me and he said he couldn’t; there wasn’t a 4G bone in it’s body. And then….
I was at the airport trying to make a flight but all these reasons/obstacles kept presenting themselves and the airline folks were trying to accommodate me, telling me the next counter I needed to go to or phone call I needed to make and the time for the flight was closer and closer and with all I had to do I knew I wouldn’t make the flight. Someone from a different airlines suggested they could help if I would just step over a short way to this counter. I began to tell about all the obstacles preventing me from getting on that flight. I knew the rules and knew there was nothing that could be done to skirt the things that needed to happen.
And with each issue I presented she would reply that it wasn’t a requirement, or sure we can handle that, or she would say, let me make a phone call and shortly all the obstacles had been broken down and resolved and she handed me a bill for my flight and it was $100 less than the other airline! Happily I joined others boarding the plane. Everyone filed onto the same plane, no matter what airlines had booked their flight!
I am so grateful for the simplicity of this message! When I went to bed last night I knew that I needed to withdraw from the Medicine Wheel Walk. I’m so far behind and feeling so overwhelmed, guilty, humiliated and just plain pissed off at myself for getting behind and feeling there is no way to complete this process. I prayed for the courage to say I needed to withdraw. This dream revealed so much about the way I do life! I’ve been trying to do this myself, to follow the rules, and to do it right based on my old ideas and all the ideas of so many other helpful people! Everyone has ideas (and many, many of them good) on how to get on the plane! If I ask Spirit for guidance it will be there. If I ask my Guides for help, it will be there. If I ask one or two very discerning people I know for an opinion, it will be there. My job is to learn to ask judiciously, and with full trust and knowing, that I will always get what I need. It is also my job not to take on unsolicited information and to be extremely discerning about what I allow into my field. Strengthening my prayer field and keeping my channel clear will keep me from being pulled away from my focus. Ask and Trust. Ask and Trust, Ask and Trust…..
As I was coming out of the dream I asked “but how will I do this” and heard clearly put one foot in front of the other and all the self-created obstacles will fall away….
In Gratitude and Trust,
Crystal Raven
I was at the airport trying to make a flight but all these reasons/obstacles kept presenting themselves and the airline folks were trying to accommodate me, telling me the next counter I needed to go to or phone call I needed to make and the time for the flight was closer and closer and with all I had to do I knew I wouldn’t make the flight. Someone from a different airlines suggested they could help if I would just step over a short way to this counter. I began to tell about all the obstacles preventing me from getting on that flight. I knew the rules and knew there was nothing that could be done to skirt the things that needed to happen.
And with each issue I presented she would reply that it wasn’t a requirement, or sure we can handle that, or she would say, let me make a phone call and shortly all the obstacles had been broken down and resolved and she handed me a bill for my flight and it was $100 less than the other airline! Happily I joined others boarding the plane. Everyone filed onto the same plane, no matter what airlines had booked their flight!
I am so grateful for the simplicity of this message! When I went to bed last night I knew that I needed to withdraw from the Medicine Wheel Walk. I’m so far behind and feeling so overwhelmed, guilty, humiliated and just plain pissed off at myself for getting behind and feeling there is no way to complete this process. I prayed for the courage to say I needed to withdraw. This dream revealed so much about the way I do life! I’ve been trying to do this myself, to follow the rules, and to do it right based on my old ideas and all the ideas of so many other helpful people! Everyone has ideas (and many, many of them good) on how to get on the plane! If I ask Spirit for guidance it will be there. If I ask my Guides for help, it will be there. If I ask one or two very discerning people I know for an opinion, it will be there. My job is to learn to ask judiciously, and with full trust and knowing, that I will always get what I need. It is also my job not to take on unsolicited information and to be extremely discerning about what I allow into my field. Strengthening my prayer field and keeping my channel clear will keep me from being pulled away from my focus. Ask and Trust. Ask and Trust, Ask and Trust…..
As I was coming out of the dream I asked “but how will I do this” and heard clearly put one foot in front of the other and all the self-created obstacles will fall away….
In Gratitude and Trust,
Crystal Raven
Wednesday, March 9
Death as it comes
Dying a slow, painful and enlightening death........................
"Trauma in a child's life between the ages of one and seven can cause a tear in the embryonic ego matrix that destroys the boundaries of the child. The sense of self and ones sacred space is torn open and communication between self and other voices begin. A small child is not able to discern which voices are helpful and which are harmful and therefore may react in the direction of the harmful earthbound spirits." -Sacred Path CardsThis stands out so clearly as it resonates with my soul in this lifetime spent trying to discern and learn trust along with boundaries. Some hard lessons along the way and on the trail of the biggest death so far.......................
Michelle
Thursday, March 3
The West Unfolds
Two nights ago, a woman from White Sage was traveling home at night. A black cow stood in the road, hidden around a twisting turn between two knolls. The woman never saw the cow, and hit her full speed. The cow and her unborn calf died, and the woman was unhurt, though very shaken.
After the accident, the local tow truck came and towed away the totaled vehicle. The cow's body was pulled off to the side of the road, where it has remained; bloated, slowly decaying, and impossible to avoid seeing while driving by. It is a constant reminder to us of death, the ever present companion to all life forms.
The neighboring cow herd moved down into the corner of their big pasture, where they could see our medicine wheel. They stayed there until today, gathered together in a tight little group, very unusual behavior according to what we have observed.
Then this morning, a Portal Day in the Mayan Dreamspell calendar, Michael and I went out to the Medicine Wheel. We called upon the helping spirits and angels, and asked for healing and assistance; that the cow who crossed over could be honored for her sacrifice. And we sang her a song.
I felt the feeling of relief and purpose as the heaviness in the air cleared. Then the day began to unfold in a magical way. We went on a walk; I had consultations by phone; Michael worked on maintaining the road; our local sheriff got stuck in the mud and Michael had to pull his vehicle out... It was a full and beautiful day, with sunshine and rain showers happening at the same time, making awesome beauty in the skies.
I am once again feeling the familiar quickening of life force I feel in the West; the feeling of death within and all around us, and the corresponding increase in vitality and sensitivity--like life and death are so entwined, they are really one. To feel life, I must allow death; to die is to be born. Everything is so connected.
In Gratitude,
Kachina
After the accident, the local tow truck came and towed away the totaled vehicle. The cow's body was pulled off to the side of the road, where it has remained; bloated, slowly decaying, and impossible to avoid seeing while driving by. It is a constant reminder to us of death, the ever present companion to all life forms.
The neighboring cow herd moved down into the corner of their big pasture, where they could see our medicine wheel. They stayed there until today, gathered together in a tight little group, very unusual behavior according to what we have observed.
Then this morning, a Portal Day in the Mayan Dreamspell calendar, Michael and I went out to the Medicine Wheel. We called upon the helping spirits and angels, and asked for healing and assistance; that the cow who crossed over could be honored for her sacrifice. And we sang her a song.
I felt the feeling of relief and purpose as the heaviness in the air cleared. Then the day began to unfold in a magical way. We went on a walk; I had consultations by phone; Michael worked on maintaining the road; our local sheriff got stuck in the mud and Michael had to pull his vehicle out... It was a full and beautiful day, with sunshine and rain showers happening at the same time, making awesome beauty in the skies.
I am once again feeling the familiar quickening of life force I feel in the West; the feeling of death within and all around us, and the corresponding increase in vitality and sensitivity--like life and death are so entwined, they are really one. To feel life, I must allow death; to die is to be born. Everything is so connected.
In Gratitude,
Kachina
Monday, February 28
Unity Tone
Something I noticed with my last journal entry...I was toning with the Unity Tone CD and all of a sudden I went from a small room or space or enclosed environment to what felt like a huge amphitheater. It only came in small sections of time, though, when it clicked in and the tones matched as it were I immediatly transported to this huge space. I wish I could describe this feeling of movement while still. I was aware of my presence on my bed but also of a different very large but enveloped place. So bizarre and comfortable very open but echos that sounded close. Anyway, I thought I would share this experience sort of wondering if anyone else has felt something similar.
I've had some bumps with finding the motivation to move forward with the journal yesterday and the day before till this new experience. I'm deep in it again as new things and experiences open daily. I brought some corn meal up with me this time, and even though it is "illegal" to "dump" anything on the ground I have made some offerings. I believe Mother Earth and the Spirits have excepted them with love and gratitude as that's what I was feeling when I offered them. I am so grateful for this process; the West continues and I'm embracing the introspection to the best of my ability. Thank you.
Aho
Eagle Eye
I've had some bumps with finding the motivation to move forward with the journal yesterday and the day before till this new experience. I'm deep in it again as new things and experiences open daily. I brought some corn meal up with me this time, and even though it is "illegal" to "dump" anything on the ground I have made some offerings. I believe Mother Earth and the Spirits have excepted them with love and gratitude as that's what I was feeling when I offered them. I am so grateful for this process; the West continues and I'm embracing the introspection to the best of my ability. Thank you.
Aho
Eagle Eye
Sunday, February 27
Creating ways to learn about myself
It's amazing that while in the west everything has a way of turning me inward. I like to create sensory tubs for my boys to play in and for Feb. I made one with lavender rice and among many other things added shiny little red confetti hearts. it was fun but going into March I wanted to make a new one. What I thought was a process of separating to make a new tub turned more into a thought process of myself and how I do things.
I am one of those people who on a hike enjoy it along the way, right up to the point of seeing the destination, then I get excited and make a sprint for it or if it gets hard along the way I may give up, speed up to make it go faster or take more breaks and work to convince myself to keep going. I have over time recognized this and worked to slow my pace and enjoy the process of getting there rather than focused on the end result. What I experienced in this craft project was exactly that, the process my mind goes through while I am in action of something, anything.
The result, I sat playing in the lavender rice after the hour in a half it took to remove the confetti and forgot about the next project till quite awhile later. In the end I was able to let go of giving up and of being incredibly anal about getting every single piece. Hurray for being in the moment and hurray for the west and getting to know myself deeper and clearer.
I recommend this process to anyone looking for a deeper insight into the workings of the mind, it is quite rewarding.
Aho,
Michelle
Friday, February 25
Death
It's interesting how death sends a message of reality to me. A friend of mine died today. He was a genuine person that looked for the good in people. In October I sent him off of the slope in a medivac for treatment at the Anchorage Native Hospital. Prior to that I had a dream of him and a Large Owl in a storm on the slope. I explained to him that I had this dream and he frankly said you have sent me a death sentence. He said in his village (Ruby) if anyone in the village saw an owl they would shoot it in fear of death...as they believed that the owl was the messenger of death. I too agree that the owl is a messenger of death. My wife made it clear to me that that death may not just be that of life but to a behavior or pattern. That resinated with me. I explained that to Walt and he said that is not how it works. Further he said in his village if the the owl were to land on the property the property owner would be dead with in 3 months. He not only believed this but had seen it throughout his life. After this conversation he went out on his regular patrol on the slope and saw 2 owls. I didn't believe him at first then he showed me the pictures. The 2 snowy owls standing on the edge of the road. Then he looked at me sort of jokingly and said I'm gonna die...soon.
Now the crazy thoughts that come to me are if he were still in the village with his health circumstances he would have died within 3 months. With the "help" of modern medicine he was in extreme pain maxed out on morphine prolonging what spirit would say was inevitable. He was just about to be sent to the MAYO clinic in Seattle when they told his family that he was too weak to make the flight. They waited just a bit too long. He died 4 days later.
Now for me this is the second funeral I've been to in recent years. Both have made me realize how fragile life is. Not to mention that if I'm not doing what I really want to do and what really makes me happy why am I doing it? It's not ironic that we are in the West. There are no coincidences. I am on the slope right now in the dark of night, in 40mph winds, with leterally no one around in my building. I've stepped directly into the West with the catalyst of death to help me look at life. That I can be grateful for...sadly.
This also brings up a huge point that I need to make concerning myself. Usually, as I've said in the past, I tell stories. This after looking at the stories I tell would be one of those in hopes of getting some "oh, I'm sorry this happend..." blah blah blah responses. I need to make it clear that I have acknowledged that even in circumstances such as this my addict doesn't care where the attention comes from. Negative or positive it is a cunning bastard. So in light of this realization I have to thank Walter for this lesson so bluntly in my face. Also I would like to add that if you feel inclined to say something to me I would ask you not to and instead send your prayers to Walt for him to pass to the stars with ease. It is not me that needs your attention.
Thank you for your prayers and these lessons.
Aho
Eagle Eye
Now the crazy thoughts that come to me are if he were still in the village with his health circumstances he would have died within 3 months. With the "help" of modern medicine he was in extreme pain maxed out on morphine prolonging what spirit would say was inevitable. He was just about to be sent to the MAYO clinic in Seattle when they told his family that he was too weak to make the flight. They waited just a bit too long. He died 4 days later.
Now for me this is the second funeral I've been to in recent years. Both have made me realize how fragile life is. Not to mention that if I'm not doing what I really want to do and what really makes me happy why am I doing it? It's not ironic that we are in the West. There are no coincidences. I am on the slope right now in the dark of night, in 40mph winds, with leterally no one around in my building. I've stepped directly into the West with the catalyst of death to help me look at life. That I can be grateful for...sadly.
This also brings up a huge point that I need to make concerning myself. Usually, as I've said in the past, I tell stories. This after looking at the stories I tell would be one of those in hopes of getting some "oh, I'm sorry this happend..." blah blah blah responses. I need to make it clear that I have acknowledged that even in circumstances such as this my addict doesn't care where the attention comes from. Negative or positive it is a cunning bastard. So in light of this realization I have to thank Walter for this lesson so bluntly in my face. Also I would like to add that if you feel inclined to say something to me I would ask you not to and instead send your prayers to Walt for him to pass to the stars with ease. It is not me that needs your attention.
Thank you for your prayers and these lessons.
Aho
Eagle Eye
Thursday, February 24
Walking the West-the Journey of Non-attachment
Stargazer Walks with Bears, thank you for the reflections on your Sacred Space. I too have been focusing on my relationship with sacred space, inside and outside, through the last couple of weeks.
I realize that I have been operating under the illusion of a holding pattern, all because I have been attached to the form of my fulfillment. For many years, I had used the Sweat Lodge Ceremony as my weekly--sometimes daily--form of rebalancing, connecting with the Spirit World, and realigning with my own divine purpose. I had only a minimal idea of how much that ceremony had influenced what I was becoming; not only spiritually and energetically, but also the physical effects of continually purifying my body through sweating.
Since we arrived here at White Sage Landing, there has been not one opportunity for us to hold our Sweat Lodge ceremony. This is going on 2 and 1/2 years. I check in with guidance, which was very clear even at the beginning of this journey, that there would be a space of time just living day to day and setting intentions in the local energy grid, building the medicine wheel, and living. The sacred ceremonial space would come later. Everything must unfold in its own natural timing--there is no other way!
So I have been consciously choosing acceptance and non-attachment every time I catch my mind trying to paint a negative story about this situation, perceiving it as a loss. How clever the mind is in its attempts to get me to buy in to its version of the situation! The part I was missing, which I had uncovered just before the West Talking Circle, was to embrace the acceptance of this situation as PERFECT for the part of the cycle I am in now, perfect for building my INNER sacred space and inhabiting it.
With this understanding, I am suddenly able to let go of the desire for things to be different. I remember that the Sweat Lodge Ceremony is inside of me now. It is like a flower that blooms once every few years, and I can remember that, since it is truly a part of me, it will emerge into physical manifestation again (in perfect timing) like a flower.
I realize that I have been operating under the illusion of a holding pattern, all because I have been attached to the form of my fulfillment. For many years, I had used the Sweat Lodge Ceremony as my weekly--sometimes daily--form of rebalancing, connecting with the Spirit World, and realigning with my own divine purpose. I had only a minimal idea of how much that ceremony had influenced what I was becoming; not only spiritually and energetically, but also the physical effects of continually purifying my body through sweating.
Since we arrived here at White Sage Landing, there has been not one opportunity for us to hold our Sweat Lodge ceremony. This is going on 2 and 1/2 years. I check in with guidance, which was very clear even at the beginning of this journey, that there would be a space of time just living day to day and setting intentions in the local energy grid, building the medicine wheel, and living. The sacred ceremonial space would come later. Everything must unfold in its own natural timing--there is no other way!
So I have been consciously choosing acceptance and non-attachment every time I catch my mind trying to paint a negative story about this situation, perceiving it as a loss. How clever the mind is in its attempts to get me to buy in to its version of the situation! The part I was missing, which I had uncovered just before the West Talking Circle, was to embrace the acceptance of this situation as PERFECT for the part of the cycle I am in now, perfect for building my INNER sacred space and inhabiting it.
With this understanding, I am suddenly able to let go of the desire for things to be different. I remember that the Sweat Lodge Ceremony is inside of me now. It is like a flower that blooms once every few years, and I can remember that, since it is truly a part of me, it will emerge into physical manifestation again (in perfect timing) like a flower.
Sunday, February 20
Living My Dream
I am breaking the silence that I have had during this Medicine Wheel Walk. My intentions were so strong and I had so much excitement at the beginning of this process and then it seemed to fizzle out. I let someone else effect my center.
I have been thinking that I have to do this perfect, I want to do it and I have to honor where I am in this moment. I only have so much to give, I have to reflect on where my energy is going or where I am allowing it to be sucked away.
I had an Earth Spirit come to me in the middle of the night, or shall I say early morning. Although I say I want to work co-creatively I still reacted with fear. Instead of checking in and seeing what this Spirit was here for, and what they wanted to tell me, I turned the light on. ; ) I went back to sleep and had a dream about places where I had allowed my self to separate.
As a child when my father passed, the feeling that he left, again with my brother, then my son. When did I stop dreaming and acting on my dreams?
Why is it that I feel I have to have a temple room all of my own to go and have time to reflect and connect?
What is keeping me from dancing my dream in my own living room? Where someone might see me?
My sacred temple is within and I want my space to reflect that back to me.
I know I am a dreamer and I am asking for the Universe to help me remember the passion and grace.
Aho - All Our Relations
Friday, February 18
Going Into The West
I was guided to the "Sacred Path Cards" and the "West Shield" appeared just in time to venture into that direction on this journey. I am very familiar and comfortable in the west but this time I received a message that I haven't heard before.
"Bear reminds us that the west is a place of all tomorrows. If you are afraid of the unknown, it may be time to clear away the fear. Strength to accomplish this clearing is Bear's greatest medicine. Call on Bear and feel the courage to meet the future and fill your spirit."
I honor Bear and give gratitude for our connection. This go around I ask Bear to walk with me as I seek wisdom. I go into this silence receptive and open to receive. I will digest the answers, integrate the information and discern my truth. Through this personal truth I will take action and this action will flourish because my goals are based on my heart which is truth. I understand that the opinions of others is my own limitation and I break that limitation through this knowledge and move forward in my purpose and dream.
I am humbly grateful, Michelle
Thursday, February 17
Truth and Gratitude for my Wife and Family
With the stories that I have told throughout my entire life it is coming full circle that the truth needs to be revealed. I have, even in the last 90 day journey I was in, told stories about my family life, wife, kids, mom, you name it. I painted a picture of my family being ungrateful and I always had to pick up the pieces. I told these stories to look like the victim as that was the way I looked at my own life. The bigger part here is I, in truth, was looking for some sort of sympathy or "attention" in any way that fed my entity, my addiction. I've learned that I tell stories in very sneaky ways including to myself. I remember in the last group that I made it look like my wife left me to do all of the work around the house. Keeping up with our 5 kids, working my split shifts, never sleeping, always feeling the brunt of all of the duties. In reality my wife is/was wonderful. She did what she could do and I held resentments over her for what I felt wasn't enough (which is BS). I see that I have resented myself for some time too. My part that I need to own with this group and myself and hopefully everyone that is reading this blog especially if they were a part of the last group I was in, is that I have appeared with a mask on. What you know of me has just been the surface me. I have put my wife in danger with my addictive behaviors by cheating on her throughout our relationship. I have lied repeatedly to her, myself, my kids, my mom, and to you all for not owning my real truth; for not telling the whole truth. My whole truth is only now coming to light-which I'm grateful for. I'm commited to honesty, though it is not always easy to speak. I'm letting go of who I was and embracing who I want to be. In the past I've pointed the finger especially at my wife for all of the hate I had for myself. She has loved me so openly and I have betrayed that love by holding her in a place, in the place of everyone that has ever betrayed me including myself. She has always been the bad guy in my eyes...until recently. I couldn't in my life accept love and she gave so freely especially in the beginning that it made me resent her because of the lack of love I had for myself. She truly showed me love and the only thing I could do was push it away by running in some way. I love myself and I am finally enough. Realizing that has helped me to accept that love which has made it easier to release my wife from this "bad guy" position. I have to say this to more than just myself so it is known, I can't have secrets any more. With this acknowledged I'm moving forward in the process, praying, staying in self referral as much as possible, and truly looking at life like it is fun again instead of being the victim. I thank everyone for being a part of this group and a part of my journey. With gratitude Eagle Eye.
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