Ok, I have four different band aids on four different fingers, it is a bit difficult to type but I just have to get this off my chest. For those of you who don't know me personally, I really, truly don't often have a whole lot to say, not to people I'm not familiar with anyway, especially in groups bigger than... two, if we were physically in a talking circle right now, I would say perhaps 5 words than quickly pass the talking stick! But lately there has been SO MANY synchronicity(s) and very clear amazing shifts going on that I feel like I can write a book! And they are difficult for me to talk about because they are coming from all different directions, not just one, so I'm like, really, WHERE DO I BEGIN??
This one that I am choosing to share tonight is a BIG one for me, one that has been unraveling for the last two months but only tonight did I get the biggest piece.
As you much have probably gathered my now, I am a AVID, EXTREME animal lover (still haven't made peace with sharks but I do believe that one day I will get there) so much so that when I was 16 I became a STRICT vegetarian. One day I decided, "I'm not going to eat meat anymore!" and I never did after that. I never craved it, never felt like I was missing out on anything, nothing. and if there was ONE thing that I KNEW in life, like really, really, "KNEW," it was that I would never, ever under ANY circumstances EVER eat meat again, EVER! (and neither would my future husband/partner...I was going to manifest that) you couldn't pay me a billion dollars to do it, NO WAY. PERIOD. And if you knew me than you knew this to be true, I'm not a preacher by any means but this was just something I was whole heatedly passionate about "not supporting the meat industry".... or ANY animal death for that matter wither it was done through ceremony or not, I just couldn't fathom how any person could think that they were so great to be able to decide wither and animal gets to live or die...I kept a lot of these feelings to myself, and in fact to even begin to try to talk about them would instantly bring me to tears.... my whole family ate meat at this time, my dad was a seasonal hunter and all that jazz.. To sum this up the best I can, the last 6 months have been totally about REALLLLY checking in and listening to my body... this has been my theme, it came in subconsciously but it came in strong, ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!, everything was about "what's going on in my body, what is my body saying/telling me?"!...."why am I reacting this way towards this situation, where do I feel it in my body?" "why am I reacting this was to this food?" "Why am I feeling sick and where is it coming from?" "Why do I feel soooo down and drained after hanging out with this person?" why? why? why? I have just been really looking at things differently and deeply and curious as to my experience of them. Well over the last few months of really listening to my body I kept getting.... "hum,I think I need to eat some meat?" It totally caught me off guard and to tell you the truth, I kind of offended myself, just for even thinking that! than it got to the point where I kept getting that thought,daily... than I would say it jokingly to my sisters and they would laugh it off KNOWING that that would never happen... well, I keep thinking that....every day, stronger and stronger. I wasn't craving it, I wasn't feeling depleted in anyway, it was just like my body was saying "listen!do it!" so I talked to Kathryn, she said "yesssss, you needed to start eating meat, like yesterday!"(not in those words).... I figured I cant pick and choose which part of this "path" I want to actually live and which part I want to pretend to live, if I'm going to do it, than I'm sure as hell not going to do it half assed. I'm really really doing this! So... I made the conscious decision to bring meat back into my diet as a garnish and only temporarily (while being open to whatever the out come is supposed to be) I will only eat game and I have been dowsing up a storm, I always connect in with the animal spirit, have a little ceremony and make an offering (I have been doing this daily,and religiously and loving it)
Now to the good stuff, I feel amazing! Not only did I get the "idea" to let go of all "labels" but I am so excited and in love with this idea. I will never label myself as a vegetarian again, or anything else, because it keeps me shut down to truly listening to my body. I only ever want to be my own best friend, and give my body exactly what it need, we are a team and we should no longer work against each other.... or, I against it.
I realized that after I began eating meat again that my life changed completely! I realized to my bringing meat back into my diet had nothing to do with my physical body as it did emotional/spiritual, that is so clear to me now.
in a nut shell, for the first time in my life I am not a total mess thinking about animals dying. YES it does still make me sad but it used to be so bad that I would completely "shut down", wouldn't/couldn't even allow my self to even think about it, OR ELSE I was in a deep depression for weeks till I blocked it out of my memory.
I also think that hunting animals in ceremony is a BEAUTIFUL and exciting thing.
I also caught myself encouraging my dad to "go out and get a caribou" the other day??
but than today I caught myself thinking, "wow, I just found this amazing piece of property, I have this dream of this animal healing center or a place people bring their pets to cross over, where I can help them both to understand and let go, the only thing I am missing is a man (someday) to raise some chickens that we can feed to the dogs (raw) and to go hunting so that he can get a buffalo, moose or caribou or something and we can can use the antlers for a rattle or talking stick, and the hide for some beautiful drums, and the meat, if he or I didn't eat it at that time than for the dogs, and the bones for the dogs" and so on. I got SO excited, OF COURSE doing it ALL in ceremony and love and gratitude. I have NEVER felt in my life more connected to animals. Not like this. It's like, I'm finally getting it. And it feels sooo good not to have this draining overbearing emotion behind it. I feel closer to them than I have ever felt in my life, it finally feels like, I'm home... or I'm at least on the porch.. but I am getting it... and soon I can really start with my true animal work...
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU ANIMALS!
