After reading Michelle's most recent post, something has become so very clear to me...I too have been scared to have someone else "own" me. Never thought of the fear with that name before, but that is EXACTLY what I feel.
I recently married by best friend and soul mate in September who has been a part of my life for 13 years. I love him with every part of myself but have yet to take the steps to change my name...and I did not know why until now.
When I was 20, my parents announced they were getting divorced. At that time we (my now husband Chris and myself) where getting ready to move to Alaska. My brother was 13 and both my parents were so very distant and removed...a very hard situation to leave behind; But I did. I had to. I became such an independent person after that, but the scars of my parents divorce stuck with me and played a huge part in Chris and I not getting married (we actually discussed avoiding the process all together at one point), we always just said we were "too young". An excuse.
After 5 years of exploring the last frontier, something drew us back to Vermont and we left our dreamland behind. That something was our families...our roots...US. At that point we realized that marriage was not scary, not "bad", and we got engaged...a surprise to us both. A huge stepping stone in our relationship.
At the present moment, after accepting marriage into my life, I feel that I am still holding onto a little of that scared person that feels protective of the individuality that I created for my self...I think that is why I am having such a difficult time taking on Chris's last name. I want to move past that fear and encompass all that is me, including my husband.
So, here I am at another one of the 10 year marks as Michelle describes, looking 30 straight in the eye facing the same challenge of creating individuality but with a different set of rules from another perspective...huh. Life is so interesting!
I would like to create the intention to encompass who I am and my individuality by including aspects of all the people in my life. Chris is me and I him, my old views are no longer valid. I am an individual regardless of the name I carry, it does not change my values...my soul. I accept that and move forward, letting go of the past and past beliefs.
Thank you all for your help.
