I am in transitions with the financial system, with financial security as I know it and have known it up to this point. It is an interesting and challenging place to be. I just recently recognized the process (I've been in it and in major denial for a year) that I am going through and since that realization have been able to relax a little more into the experiences that come with it.
I remember when I first began this self-inquiry journey 4 years ago the first step was to take back my personal healing power and let go of the western health care system. So I opted not to get heath insurance, whenever I get sick I recognize it as the bodies natural cleansing and use the tools and remedies that I have learned to assist in my healing process. I haven't been to a doctor or dentist in three years and feel amazing, as only I know what is best for me. I do recognize the value in these systems but feel there is an element of control and abuse that is predominant and participating in it wasn't the best choice for me.
Second, I had to let go of the education system and belief that the only way to create substantial success was to have a degree. Given how I was raised, I never really believed in that one anyway but there was a subconscious part of me that held onto a little bit of doubt. Ironically I was in my first month of college when I met Kathryn Sharp and upon that first meeting I decided to drop out of school and proceed to follow my feelings and learn and study from her. That was the beginning of the wild and crazy journey of the last 4 years. I've gone all over and studied with many amazing teacher, experienced amazing things, grown in incredible ways and above all I got to meet myself. Something I've never seen advertised for college educations.
Not all of these decision were well received by my parents but I was on a new path and part of the requirements was to look at all the tribal beliefs that I had been raised with and pick and choose which ones resonated with me and which ones I was willing to walk away from and then do it.
Now, I have moved on to the financial aspect. Which I have to say is the one that scares me the most and probably why I put it off for so long. I have $37.00 in the bank, that's all! No savings, no secret pile of cash in case of emergencies, nada. I am living on trust, since the guidance that has come in is still giving me a no on going back to work. I have been guided to begin taking steps to create the type of work I want when the time is right but for now I am to relax and trust in the process. BIG assignment, close to impossible.
I spent several months freaking out, up all night running lists of my expenses in my head and watching as my small security blanket shrunk away to nothing. Then what? What do I do now?
I stop and breath, I let go a little more and I realized I am here now. Today all my needs are met. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, people who love me, food to eat, nature to walk in...what else do I need? Tomorrow I may have $0.00 in my account but I will still have all of those other things. So now until I am guided to the next step in regards to being self-sufficient, I walk in complete trust that any additional needs will be provided. I completely believe that and know that since I am listening I will be taken care of.
A huge shift has come in for me since beginning the 90 days in regards to my relationship with the financial system. And I am really feeling this trust that all will be okay and as I sink into that feeling more and more and express gratitude for what I have in this moment I am shown the support of the universe.
I have to let go of the beliefs that:
Having money makes me more valuable as a person.
Having money is the only way to feel safe and secure in life.
Having financial success is the only way to validate my integrity and quality of my work to the world.
That money will always be there in bulk, so to speak, if I am true to my path/heart.
Now I am seeing there is an ebb and flow to financial support. Sometimes its abundant sometimes not so much but that both places are safe and necessary. It is a great place to slow down and become centered and reevaluate personal choices, reconnect to the universe and ask for assistance.
I feel it has really allowed me to become more efficient in the way I live and to live more simply.
It is also a very humbling place to be, asking and accepting assistance from others, being open and willing to receive support in whichever way it comes, is probably the hardest part for me.
I (up to this point) was of the mentality "I am a woman hear me roar!" In other words I can take care of myself and don't need help from anyone! I had to prove myself and now I am learning that it is beneficial to both give and receive and to find the balance in those two acts. And also knowing that accepting assistance doesn't make you weak but that there is a powerful energy exchange in both the act of giving and the act of receiving. Side note, this time around I am working on the prosperity and wealth channels, coincidence? Working through my financial fears is a HUGE piece for me!
So for today I give gratitude for the nature spirits, the snow, oatmeal, friends and family, the 90 day process and group, my cozy bed, yoga and gift of this earth walk and all the lessons, initiations and blessings that come with. I, with all of my soul and being, believe that I create my reality so for today I am abundant!
