Today I joined K & M at 9:11 Alaska time. My friend Laura left me the community drum to care take for a few months that K & M had gifted her So I drummed imaging all of us around the drum stating our intentions for the 90 days. The sound of the drum was deep and rich, and it seemed like it lasted a long time. My voice became like the Grandfathers. It felt like there were many voices singing and many drums drumming. When thinking of K & M with gratitude, the walls fell away and I saw Kathryn dancing in the middle of Native American women who were singing and dancing. I saw Michael dancing in the center of Native American men who were singing and dancing. And still I drummed and the ancestors drummed. Then the two circles danced closer and closer to each other until the 2 circles were super imposed upon each other. The two circles were one circle in their own space but within the same space holographically.
Then the scene shifted to the Kiva there. The spirits of all animals and birds that were honored there in the soil in the 4 directions and the center were walking or flying through the Kiva to the rhythm of the drum. No walls but a sense of the walls as if man made constructs had no form to them.
When the vision felt complete, I stopped drumming. I picked up a carving -- a stick of wood with a crocodile carved on top of it to use as my talking stick. I told my story of 2 days -- my hopes and dreams for this journey. Then I called upon my mother-in-law in the spirit world to witness my guilt and sadness in the tale I had to unburden of her last days on earth and my role in it. It felt good to release the emotions and to forgive myself. I've carried this for 2 years and had just unburdened myself to my husband on Valentine's Day about this. I knew that on one level that all was perfect in my role with her but I had to release it out of my body. The body's memory was still in the 3D even though I'd move beyond that. So part of me observed the releasing and the other part did the releasing. Very interesting to see an old pattern be done.
I will take up my talking stick each day, and my only audience is myself. I require no group approval like in the past. There are no edits or embellishments -- just the truth. I acknowledge myself in all that is voiced, and my voice will become stronger and stronger. Somewhere in one of these 90 days, I will no longer need the talking stick for myself.
Joni Spirit Mist Walker
