Another day another billions of thoughts flowing through my mind. The "theme" of the day is back to the familiar and always stressful topic "what am I going to do with my life?" .....I hate that question! I hate it coming from my self or anyone. How the hell am I supposed to know!? It's like an avalanche. It comes at you at an uncontrollable speed building and building intense negativity and angziety than hits you right in the gut and takes the air right out of you. Than, the panic sets in. " F*** ME! what AM I going to do with my life?" I understand I'm only 23 years old, but "you have to have a plan, or at least an idea." pssst, not me! That is not going to be MY reality. I don't want a plan. what fun can a plan be? that ruins everything, I want to go with the flow and have it all unravel right before my eyes, never knowing what's going to happen next but excited to know that if I just trust that it will all work out. Besides, I have my whole life to figure that out....right? :)
In all reality, my problem isn't WHAT I am going to do what my life, it's is HOW do I organize all that I want to do in a way that will bring in enough money/happiness to support me and my dog Murphy comfortably?
I know what it is I want to do, I have always know, ever since I was little, I know EXACTLY what I want (while holding no attachment, hehe) I just don't know how to create it.
I want to do exactly what my sister Earth Song does at Diamond Heart but I want to do it with animals. I want to do animal communication, I want to make flower essences, tinctures, 'animalized' (personalized) oil blends, massage , the whole works for animals BUT I am also just as passionate about art. I LOVE to create things, LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!, but it is soooo time consuming....but I love it, so much. I love to knit, I can do it all day....in fact I have been know to do it all day for many days, but, I want to learn to Sew, crochet, quilt, cook, play the guitar, piano and harp, cross stitch, embroider, wood carving, beading..EVERYTHING nothing gets me more excited than knowing that each new year I get to check one of those off my list of "things to learn"....... except for animals. *50/50*
So, the questions is, HOW do I turn this into a living and HOW do I find balance in learning everything I want to learn for my animal work and my art work??...... I can feel the stress building. today, that is where I stand. but I am happy and still excited for the journey.
Also, I just wanted to say for the record that my Dad got a little 10 week old bright blue eyed australian Shepperd puppy for his farm that I have fallen head over heals for.... I have been taking her on walks everyday and cooking for her and we have really bonded. Now I feel like I want her to be MY baby and "why cant he get his own?" haha, but I can love her from a distance, I know they have some major work to do together....but she sure is pretty. <3
